>Bizarro is brought to you today by Disappointing Dreams.
As a child, I was convinced of this sort of cliche image of the gates of Heaven, where your entire body is admitted to the Big Party or sent to eternal torture based on your status on an ambiguous list somewhere. The overall principle was that my passage beyond the ultimate velvet rope had nothing to do with how bad or good I was, as long as I believed in Jesus and asked forgiveness before I died. But when they weren’t promoting that simple formula, which was most of the time, they were convincing me of how important it was to be good everyday or I wouldn’t get into Heaven. It was confusing, but then all effective systems of mind control have an element of confusion involved, so the subject never knows exactly where they stand and never feels completely comfortable.
Before the theologians among you start bombarding me with doctrine, I’m kidding. I know the basic tenets of most of the major religions and none of them include provisions for organ donor recipients or creatures pieced together from various dead bodies by mad scientists. I’m sure whoever you are and whatever you believe, it will all turn out just as you suppose once you’re dead.