>The Morning Puke

>Bizarro has been brought to you today by Barbie’s Bang Mobile.

I don’t want to turn this blog into a never ending lecture about the limitless evils of the human species, so I’ll just let this cartoon speak for itself.

On a more lighthearted note, my cat is throwing up as I type this. This is her morning puke, another one is scheduled for around 7pm. She eats a small amount of cat food twice a day (her choice, not mine) and moments later throws up everything she has eaten, often right back into the bowl from whence it came. She has been like this for years, yet continues to maintain an average weight.

Were a human to do this she would at first be termed bulimic, but after years of this behavior without losing a pound, would become a source of great medical curiosity.

My other cat, the first cat’s daughter, never eats at all. Neither CHNW nor I have ever seen her put a morsel of food in her mouth. Like her mum, she neither loses nor gains weight. The strangest part of this mystery, however, is that the litter box fills up daily. I’ve lain awake nights trying to figure it out and have come up with the following theories:

1. The cats have found another food source of which my wife and I are not aware. Like a loose floorboard behind the sofa stuffed with tuna jerky.

2. The cats are letting their friends in at night to poop in our box, in an attempt to cover the fact that they are vampires.

3. The cats don’t really exist, I am experiencing early-onset dementia.

If any of you have any more reasonable theories, please let me know. I could use the sleep.

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25 Responses to >The Morning Puke

  1. Anonymous says:

    >Maybe the Mom-Cat’s been hinting about changing the brand of catfood, Mr. Piraro;)I’m pretty sure your kitties are getting food from outside the house: dumpsters or stangers feeding ‘em or by hunting. Cats Are pretty resourceful.ur Fan,Dee Sh

  2. Anonymous says:

    >but if u really really wanna see ‘em eat without puking or just eat, maybe u can try giving ‘em fresh fish or something, Mr. Piraro.i.e. if you do allow such stuff in your house (sorry if you didn’t like this suggestion. I know ur a vegan) TCur Fan,Dee Sh

  3. Abigail says:

    >Is she hunting the hitherto unknown mice in your house at night?And somehow hiding the bones… never mind.

  4. TParadox says:

    >Looks more like Jeanie’s Bang Mobile to me…also it’s “dEmentia.”Third thing contradicting your post.

  5. Karl says:

    >Damn apes and monkeys conspiring to take over the world. You had your chance you stupid baboons; Now Humans Rule!! (Somehow, I feel really dumb for saying that).And as for kitty not ever eating, is it possible she’s still breast feeding, when you aren’t around, maybe feeling really bashful? (And I feel even dumber for saying that).

  6. Deisy says:

    >This is by far the funniest post you’ve had so far Piraro… I almost puked myself laughing.

  7. Christina Awesome says:

    >wouldn’t the quotations only go around the word ‘cousins’?the phrase doesn’t really need them, just the word cousins, presumably because that is the only part of it open to interpretation. No?

  8. Genesius says:

    >I vote for #3. Additional evidence is provided by the fact you misspelled “dementia”.

  9. Cooder's Cranium says:

    >Mysterious mice mystically manifesting morsels?

  10. John says:

    >My cat pukes every morning, too. Doesn’t matter how much we feed her. She’s also obese, so taking her to the vet for her check ups is always an occasion of great shame for the family. There’s probably a support group for owners of cats with eating disorders. Or maybe we should start one as a commercial venture.

  11. Ray Avito says:

    >Theories 2 and 3 are so inspired I think they warrant their own short stories.

  12. Nowax says:

    >PS: as for the mystery eater — I have no idea. Although I have one cat that hates to eat in front of us (the puker). Again, I blame it on early childhood trauma. Have you thought about setting up a video camera?

  13. Nowax says:

    >As a owner of three cats (four until recently — but we had to put one of them to sleep because of cancer) I can write volumes on cat puking. I once heard a cat owner claim that cats “enjoyed it”. I don’t agree, but sometimes? I wonder. (Sigh.) Anyway, here’s what I’ve learned from living with one particular 15 year-old cat with what I like to call, “a delicate stomach”: –No milk or human food. (Some cats are lactose intolerant.) Not even licking out a yogurt cup or the morning cereal bowl (I know, that gross, but tell that to my husband). –Feed dry food throughout the day instead of two meals. My cat will “panic eat” if she can’t nibble throughout the day. Then when she eats, she overeats, then barfs it all up (like your cat). She was a rescue and I think she has some early childhood issues. Believe it or not they won’t overeat if dry food is always available. My cats have never had a weight problem. If you can’t bear to deprive them of moist food, mix 1/4 can with some dry and give it to them once a day. –Switch to a low-fat/or senior food diet. The barfing radically diminished with all three of our cats after we did this. If you haven’t tried any of these tips, I highly recommend it you give them a whirl.

  14. Cliff says:

    >Perhaps it’s photosynthesis.

  15. Tom says:

    >I have a bulemic cat as well! Though, like yours, he has never lost a pound, yet gains small amounts of weight!

  16. doug nicodemus says:

    >did you have to call it the morning puke…geez..kinda hard to take at 7 am..

  17. Robert Finis says:

    >You’re on a tear this week (or three/six weeks ago, whatever). Especially like this one and the deer one. I’ve got a cat with the same issue. Be thankful yours puts it back in the food bowl, instead of your bed :-p

  18. PIRARO says:

    >Thanks for catching my typo on “dementia.” I’ve corrected it.

  19. PIRARO says:

    >@ Christina Awesome…I used the quotation marks the way I did because it is the alien quoting the simians.

  20. Josh says:

    >Regarding the Michelle Malkin/”evil” caption: Really? Another cliched “conservatives are evil” bit. Couldn’t you have found a picture of Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong Il to go in there?I’m sorry, but it’s this stupid mentality that you have to demonize the other side that reinforces my beliefs that the two-party system (Dems and the GOP) royally suck.

  21. BlogD says:

    >If the cats don’t really exist, then I don’t wanna know where the poop in the litter box is coming from.

  22. isee3dtoo says:

    >My college roommate had a covered cat litter-box and a stupid cat. The cat thought as long as it head was under the cover it rear was too. So the cat would stay outside of the box, dig a hole in the box with it front paw, stick head under the cover, take a dump (with rear end outside of box), smell unused hold in sand and leave. Thus leaving a little pile of cat poo outside of the box for the humans to clean up.

  23. Regina says:

    >”If you haven’t tried any of these tips, I highly recommend it you give them a whirl.”Wouldn’t whirling them make them *more* likely to puke?

  24. Jen says:

    >Dan, I just wanted to say that I very much liked, appreciated, and agreed with this comic.

  25. Jessica says:

    >While worrying about my cat's same problem, I stumbled upon your post.I have 2 cats, one is older than the other. I have them eating the same type of adult cat food (even though the younger one is still a kitten) because it is rediculously hard to feed them seperate food when they only eat periodically through the day, but it has never caused a problem for the kitten.Suddenly, my older (1 year old) cat started puking in the morning, but doesn't seem to be affected by it at all. She just eats it right back up, then goes about her day. Though it is disgusting, it saves me from having to clean it up.Neither cat is overwieght, and the kitten seems to eat more than the older one. Both are indoor cats (14th floor of an apartment, so that's a no-brainer).I was worried about her well-being, but in your post you state it's been years and this has become normal behavior. I'd like to thank you for putting my worries to rest, but now I'm wondering if I should switch cat food brands…But this never happened before… until I switched from dry food, to wet food for a week, then back to the same dry food. Now she pukes a little every morning. It's a great wake-up call… but maybe you should switch to wet food if you're using dry and see what happens? That's what I'm gonna do! :p

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