>Bizarro is brought to you today by Favorite Holiday Memories.
If you’re reading this post then you, like me, survived yesterday’s holiday here in the U.S. We call it Thanksgiving Day and it’s a mixed bag in my book. There are things I both enjoy and despise about TGiving, which I have listed below for your future use and quick reference.
a. Not a religious holiday. This keeps it low-key and guilt-free with no official services to attend to keep your mom from getting upset, no melodramatic speeches by TV pundits about how “our make-believe is being eroded by some other culture’s make-believe”.
b. Mostly just about food and who doesn’t like to eat? (other than super models) Lift food to mouth, open, insert, close, chew. Any moron can do it.
c. Mindless activities like watching football on TV and taking a nap are actually an integral part of the tradition.
d. Somehow, merchants have not commandeered this holiday as they have Xmas, so gifts are not mandatory. What a money saver!
e. Miraculously, TGiving has escaped the hideous novelty songs with which Xmas is plagued for weeks. Ah, the sound of silence!
a. People use it to get sappy about what they’re thankful for. I dislike this because I think one should be aware of these things daily. Those of us who are, don’t need a national holiday to remind us of what is a fundamental part of our consciousness, and those who do need to be reminded are probably not moved in any substantive manner anyway. To me, it’s like having a national holiday to remind us to brush our teeth. If you have to be reminded, it’s probably too late anyway.
b. People make it religious by thanking “god” for what they have. Okay, fine, thanking the gods for food, shelter, good weather, a successful massacre of your enemy, etc. is a common human behavior that predates language and any of our modern gods, but I’d like to see us grow out of this superstition eventually. You can be thankful without being thankful to invisible magic people. This country could use a lot more rational thought and a lot less superstitious fear and persecution, God knows.
c. Americans celebrate warm and fuzzy thankfulness by wreaking a grisly holocaust on 45 million innocent birds (in a single day). I get it, it’s tradition, it will never change, blah blah. But those of us who have come to see members of other species as someone instead of something lament the needless and cruel slaughter. It goes on 365 days a year, of course (300 million turkeys annually), but on TGiving the slaughter itself is celebrated as part of the experience, complete with goofy, cartoon images of the victims in pilgrim hats.
I’m sure I’ve missed something, but I’m still reeling from my food hangover. I ate waaaaay too much last night and won’t eat again soon. In the final tally, looks like I have 5 likes and 3 dislikes, so all in all, the holiday gets a thumbs up.
Here now, from the cartoon dungeon’s archives, is an old Sunday comic I did years ago. (click it to see it bigger) I went through a period around the turn of the century during which I was writing oddball children’s poems for an unspecified reason. Eventually, I turned some of them into cartoons.
More later, have a black, black Black Friday.