Love, actuarially


Bizarro is brought to you today by Options.

Thanks for the comments on the new blog yesterday. A couple of people have made suggestions, I’d like to bounce them off of the general readership and find out what the consensus is.

1. Do you like it when links open up in the same window or a new window? Old blog was same window, this blog is new window. I can make it either way.

2. Do you think the type is too small on this blog? One reader asked for it to be enlarged. (Although I think you can enlarge the image on your screen on your own computer. (On my Mac, “command”, “+” will do it.)

Now that that is out of the way, the cartoon above ran on Valentine’s Day last week. I didn’t have something about cupid or chocolates, so I ran this fairly jaded view of long-term relations. It’s always a challenge to keep sex fresh and exciting beyond the 500th time together. Those of you in long relationships know what I mean, you youngsters are probably upset and confused right now. To clear things up, find your age range on the list below and read comments directed specifically to you.

Ages 50 to 70: Forget it. If you’re getting it on anything resembling a regular basis, be grateful.

Ages 30 to 50: Try outfits and role playing. If you’re too out of shape to pull off a sexy outfit, try total darkness or blindfolds.

Ages 16 to 30: Yes, I know it seems impossible to imagine that sex will ever be less than “awesome,” even with the same person year after year, but just wait. The future is dark, my friend.

Ages 12 to 16: Sex is a confusing, scary, dirty activity that is best left to lower species. Put it off as long as is biologically possible.

Ages 0 to 12: Forget you ever read this post, it really shouldn’t concern you. Go outside and play and leave the Interwebs to the deviants who fill it with this kind of smutty content.

And now for a non-smutty Bizarro from days gone by. I meant to post this cartoon around the time of the Super Bowl but forgot (faulty memory being just one of the many drawbacks of being an old deviant) so here it is now. It’s as much about science as football, which one cannot say about many cartoons these days.

Gotta run. I’m on my way to Caligula’s Outpost to buy some new costumes.

If you hanker for many wonderful products with these cartoons on them, click here.


51 thoughts on “Love, actuarially

  1. 1. New window, please. Then I don’t lose my place.

    2. The type is too small but in Windows, I used Ctrl+ scroller to enlarge it.

    The new blog looks nice. :)

  2. I definitely prefer if links open in the same window by default, and to click links with the middle mouse button should I want them in new tabs.

  3. In all fairness it would be great if:

    1. You do a follow-up with the response from the spouse or,

    2. You try a “Bizarro” contest and ask your readers to fill in the spouse response. What a hoot!

    Keep up your genius!

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  5. Regarding Font Size…

    The problem is that your posts(site) have defined to use the Lucida Grande font family, which for us Windows users is not available out of the box, so it just uses some default font, which probably looks smaller than what you see.

    (Begin Geek Speak)

    On line 13 of your site’s style sheet (style.css) you have…

    body { font-family: Lucida Grande; }

    …if you have your Interwebs Guru change that to something more universal like…

    body { font-family: Arial; }

    …That might work better – It certainly looks larger than the default font Windows shows.

    (End Geek Speak)

    • EEeeek! Don’t listen to him! Stay with your font!

      Arial is one of the many fonts as distinguishable as McDonald’s “foods. “

      • And if you do wish to accomodate those without your chosen font, the web implementation nerd++ can specify what font(s) to fall back to. Ariel, Tahoma, Times, Comic Sans, Garamond, Bondono, whatever….

  6. These comments are really helpful, thanks everyone. I’m going to ask to have the font changed to Arial and see if that helps folks out. The jury is still out about the new window vs. same window debate.

    • Arial is a good choice, close to Helvetica!

      As for opening in a new window. I use Google reader to read blog feeds and every link in reader opens in a new widow. I don’t have to maneuver through favorites or bookmarks, the blogs I read are automatically updated every day in my reader. So do whatever you feel will make your blog space act properly to your readers, but, just so you know, some people are viewing your work, the excellence that is your work, through a new means.

      BTW, I’m 54. I know what that fist comic speaks of personally. :)

  7. Love the new site as much as the old! New window, please! Otherwise I reflexively close the window and then have to start all over, dammit.

  8. Same window. Apathetic about font size.

    I like to have the links to pop up in the same window like the old blog because I can just slide three fingers on my trackpad to go “back”. Other wise I have to burn calories with my index finger moving the mouse all the way to the top of my screen to close a new tab.

    btw I recently opened my psychology textbook (“Exploring Psychology” by D G Myers) to the chapter on perception and came across a brilliant illustration of depth perception by my favorite cartoonist (the cartoon where the man without depth perception asks a woman if she has a small police officer in her hair). Seeing today’s cartoon from the archives on the principle of light refraction makes me wonder if I actually need a textbook at all; I can just learn from Bizarro comics!

  9. On my mac the type looks a bit large in comparison to the comics, but i would agree with the previous comment that it’s Lucida Grande issues at work.

    As for the new window for the images: LOVE IT. I no longer have to control click to get a new window so i don’t lose my place or waste time reloading the page by having to hit the back button. Much quicker this way!

  10. I would prefer the same window for links. We have an option (right-click w/ PC) to open in new window, why remove it? Also, PCs (at least mine, anyway) don’t “lose their place” returning to the blog from the link.

    Another argument for same window: it will match the format of all the transferred stuff from blogspot. Consistency may be overrated, but well, uh, …you know.

  11. the type is HUGE!! i can send a screenshot if ya like. but really, whatever ya like, i just enjoy the content. as a former Deep Ellum/ Dallas bass player, i admire you for abandoning the dead scene and making your way in the world of art. i paint now, and write crap poetry, so i can dig it. keep up the great work, and make yer page what you want it to be!

  12. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease keep it so that the links open in a new tab/window. (I am more likely to actually come to The Blog if they do – otherwise I will just read them in Reader)

    Font is perfect – but than I am approaching Old Fogey-dom and like them large!

  13. 1- Same tab: To go back you just have to press instead of -.

    2- Font Lucida Grande is good enough, but you have to install it on Windows PCs. If you don’t have it (that is, when I didn’t have it) the page defaults to Times New Roman (I think), which is small and old-fashioned.

    • 1- Same tab: To go back you just have to press ‘backspace’ instead of Ctrl-F4.

      (the new site ate the names of the keys I had type between ‘less than’ and ‘greater than’ signs.

  14. New window (tab)!!!!!

    I was actually going to bug you about that issue on the old blogspot site but was glad to see it had been fixed with the move.

    This seems to be turning into a pc vs mac thing

  15. New window, please. My Back button is farther than the tab X. Gawd, we’re all soooo laaaazy!

    The font is fine, but I wouldn’t mind the line spacing being a bit narrower. And, if you have a second, could you make me some pancakes?

  16. Hey Dan, love your blog! Today’s post was hilarious!

    I prefer a new window for links. And on my Mac the font on your new blog already looks larger to me than it did on your old blog, so I don’t think it needs to be any larger…

  17. The font size is adjustable in the browser so who cares?

    I do like the fact that the links change colour when I click on them (they don’t at your old, old blog). Your links are totally awesome. Also, the comics seem to be a little bit funnier, so good move!

  18. Great blog, Dan. Like the new format.

    New window please. I know you can open in a new window with a key modifier or right-click, but you can just as easily close a window from the keyboard, too.

    Font size seems fine (but my middle-aged eyes require a bigger font anyway), and since I’m on a Mac, Lucida Grande is fine. Typically, I think serif fonts are easier to read, but this spacing seems a little airier than the old one, and it’s pretty pleasing. In my opinion, aesthetically, it looks better than Arial. I think that can be specified in code as a secondary font if Lucida Grande is not available–rather than just leaving it to default.

    By the way, If I click on Bizarro in your nav bar, it takes me to your home page. Then if I click the Blog link in the home page, it takes me to your old Blogspot blog, where it says you’ve moved the blog. Why not just send people directly here?

    • The reason still directs people to the old blog is because that site was built back in the late 1900s and is a real bitch to change. I have to hire someone. So I may never get around to it. :o)

  19. The links should open in the same window. Every browser offers an easy way for the reader to open in a new window a link that would otherwise open in the same window; no browser offers the opposite behavior (i.e they all have “open in new window” available on normal links, but none have “open in the same window” available for links that would otherwise open a new window).

    Since the browser can only work-around one option easily, that’s obviously the more polite option for the site to offer. ;-)


  20. Oh, and love not having to jump through all those hoops in order to post. For some reason that website was very difficult for me – they kept not believing that I’d signed up. Only about one in ten or so of the posts I wanted to make went through.

  21. I prefer opening in a new window/tab.

    The font size is big enough, and as you pointed out, users can adjust their browser’s font sizes easily. I do think that the previous font was “bolder” which added something to readability.

    Also, squirrels and Carl Sagan.

  22. I love the new window! Like another commenter said, you don’t lose your place or have to wait for the page to return to it.

    The font seems quite large to me (and I AM in the 50-70 range, ahem).

    • Here’s a picky thing. I use RSS to check to see if you have something new posted. On the old site, if I clicked on the icon for one of your posts, the icon changed. That way I could see that I’d checked that post. Now, the icon stays the same whether I’ve been “here” or not.

      Not a big thing, but your hire-ee could likely fix it easily.

      Happy laugh-making. It sure works for me.

  23. New window, please. It draws my eye and pulls me into the new window. Old window I think “been there, done that” and have no interest in finding out if theres’ more.

    Great new blog look, blook?

  24. Love the NFL light refraction cartoon. Being from WI it reminds me of he-who-shall-not-be-named. When Brent first came to the Packers and was in his prime he would regularly break the fingers of the receivers. It was kind of a badge of honor when you could catch a bullet pass from ol’ what’s his name, realign your finger and get back into the game. What was that quarterback’s name again?!?!

    Also, I like the new window and Schultzie says, “Hi, woof-woof!”

  25. Same Window. We know how to

    a) use the back button

    b) right (or center) click to open the image in a new window if we really want to.

    If you do new window, there’s no way to force same window.

    If you do same window, new window lovers can selectively click to get what they want.

  26. 1) New window

    2) Smaller fontsize please, I almost feel I’m reading a children’s book.

    (oh, and shouldn’t the finger in the fourth panel of the last comic be bend the òther way for panel three to be right, or am I missing something here..?)

  27. 1. Use Arial as font. The current one is not only too large, but also not anti-aliased (at least on my system). Switching to Arial should fix both. As you’re a

    2. Usually I would say, let links be opened in the same window by default, and let the user decide (e.g by clicking the mouse wheel instead of the left button) whether to open in the same or a new window.

    However, as your readers may not be too tech-savvy, they will tend to click the link, look at the funny pic and be lost – resulting in a larger “bounce-rate”. Or, they have to go back and reload the page. Hence, I’d recommend for your special case to open external links in a new window.

    Pro tipp: Use a plugin like Fancybox to show pictures in a funky overlay on the same page. However, as you tend to make large use of external pictures, you should ask a copyright lawyer, under which circumstances it is lawful to display other people’s images within your website (Fair Use and such).

    By the way, shouldn’t the NFL player’s finger be bent to the other side?

  28. 1. I always command-shift click on the links so that they are forced to open in a new tab (in Safari on a Mac), so it doesn’t matter to me (’cause I’ll keep doing the same).

    2. On my laptop, the font is already quite larger. Much larger than the previous blog pages.

    3. Thanks for asking.

  29. 1) New Window

    2) The type size is fine for me, but I read it on Google reader, so it automatically makes it smaller. Looking at this actual page, it looks a little large to me. So it’s probably fine.

    Love your blogs!

  30. New tab is ideal. Often your linked pages need to be resized to view them properly. If they open in the same window and you resize them, you will need to resize the original page again when you go back to it. Re font size – browsers remember the last size you used so it is not an issue.

  31. New tab is fantastic. A huge time saver, not having to wait for the old window to reload.

    Font is a bit large on Firefox running on Linux, but I don’t really care so much.

  32. 1. I like the new way with “links open up in a new window” (or tab, as it may be). It avoids having to reload the old page which takes a few seconds. Just close the tab and keep reading.

    2. The type is fine as is.

    Thanks for the great blog!

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