Oscar Wrap Up

I rarely post on a Monday because my cartoons that were due at the end of the previous week are really really due by the following Monday and I rarely get them finished before end of day Tuesday. So Monday’s are busy for me.

But I couldn’t resist commenting on last night’s Acting Statue Show. It’s a big night for CHNW and I as we dress for the occasion in giant ego suits and sit on piles of money while watching the show. Our festivities always begin with the pre-Oscar shows, starting at 7am with live coverage of the red carpet crew digging the thing out of storage and loading it onto a truck. This year, the foreman was dressed in a tan, jumpsuit/coverall hybrid by Dockers. It was elegantly understated and just right for the occasion. His second-in-command also wore a pair of coveralls but with the top half off the shoulders and tied around the waste, revealing a white, ribbed tank top which, for this reviewer, was a bit too revealing for a man of his girth.

The red carpet show itself was an orgasm in grandeur, as always. Scarlett Johansson arrived wearing a pretty purple dress but the real story was how cool she is to let mentally disturbed children do her hair. I’m sure it made them feel great about themselves and also highlighted that she isn’t stuck up about her appearance. Kudos to Ms. Johansson; if only more Hollywood goddesses thought more of the less fortunate.

Colin Firth showed up with a really gorgeous woman which either means he isn’t gay, as I sort of thought he was, or, like many gays, he likes to go around with glamorous women. The guy who invented The Facebook and made a movie about it got a late start and showed up with is hair still wet from the shower.

A momentary panic broke out when Warren Beatty and Annette Benning got out of their limousine and were mistaken for mummies returned to life. Neither have undergone major plastic surgery, making them look normal for their age and thus, totally inappropriate in the setting. I felt sorry for them, of course, as did the crowd which was respectfully silent as they struggled down the path to the theater.

Regarding the awards, my favorite categories are always Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. I don’t have any idea what the difference between them is or why they are even still part of the televised program instead of the Secret Awards Presentation the night before, but the winners were happy to be there and read off lists of random names presumably from a phone book. It is important to remember that without these brave individuals, we’d have to read at the movies like in the old days.

Best Picture went to “The King’s Speech,” which is about the King of England who couldn’t talk without stammering. As Jimmy Kimmel pointed out later in the evening, this movie could just as well have been about George W. Bush, except that he was never cured. I saw that movie and liked it, but I would have given the award to “The Big Lebowski”. It was much funnier than “The King’s Speech,” which really only had the one joke about the king stuttering all the time, and I don’t believe in laughing at people with disabilities.

I hope you enjoyed the Oscars as much as my beloved CHNW and I did. Thank god they didn’t hire a comedian to host the show, who might have hurt the feelings of one or more of the most important people in our lives.

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7 Responses to Oscar Wrap Up

  1. pixie lou says:

    Yeah, we’re all super lucky not to have actually been entertained by the presenters. The precious and delicate beauties and hunks of Hollywood must be treated like little tiny glass sculptures and never reminded that they’re mere humans.

    Thank goodness Ricky and his ghastly opinions were kept far, far away from the magic! Dan, you should submit your name as a possible host for next year…!


  2. C Brown says:

    Good review, Dan. Although James & Ann did a fair job “acting” the part of hosts, it sorely lacked some witty repartee. Guess they were afraid some egos might be hurt after the Ricky debacle. Thank God Melissa Leo threw in an F word or the evening might be a total loss. Even the red carpet Parade of Eveningwear was safe. Come on, Hollywood! We wanna see some train wrecks!

  3. Plan 9 says:

    So, I’m a recording studio owner and admittedly do geek out when the sound awards are given. But here’s basically the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing.

    Editing is awarding all the players who contributed sounds to the film. Sound Editing is the creation of the weapon sounds, engines, noises, languages, foley, and general recording quality. When they had to replace dialog from that which was recorded on set, does it match? It’s kind of the aural equivalent to set design and costumes.

    Foley: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foley_artist

    Mixing is bringing all the components together. How and when was the music used? When wasn’t it used? Does the dialog sit well above everything else without drowning anything out? Is there effective use of the surround speakers as well as the sub woofer, without being obnoxious? And this being the aural equivalent to film editing.

    Honestly, they could probably combine the two and no one would be the wiser.

    But don’t feel bad. I have to explain it every year to those around me and they all end up with the same glazed-over look on their faces that you have now.

    Sorry. :(

  4. mjs says:

    The real irony here is that the Oscars can never win an Oscar, and must settle on the role of palace eunuch with us as witnesses. A sad and bitter affair, really. Like Scarlett’s hair.

  5. My husband and I used to cheer the accountants at the end credits of movies when we worked in accounting. And what about Sharon Stone? Please. The woman had x-ray vision eyes. spooky. And I had forgotten about Warren and Annette – he may be deaf, I saw her signing into his hand. I love your comment on Scarlett J’s hair – she probably spent a lot of money for that.

  6. Tom says:

    Hey, thanks Plan 9. Just completed a little odyssey cum holding pattern on Foley as a result of your comment. Culmination was Leslie Bloom’s YouTube video on the craft (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx32-L9tJcE&feature=related). This ranks up there with an old Hollywood-connected friend once describing to me the duties of the “scriptgirl” on old movie sets.

  7. Ricky Bobby says:

    I was really touched on what Scarlett Johansson did. A great role model.

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