Nowadays, virtually everyone knows that Christopher Columbus was not a hero, but a despot of the first order. Here’s what I was taught in public school verses the truth:
1. Columbus was trying to prove the world was round. TRUTH: In CC’s day, Europeans knew the world was round, the debate was how big around it was. Some thought it was very large, which was correct, others thought it was quite small and you could get to Asia more quickly by sailing west. CC was in the wrong camp.
2. Columbus discovered America. TRUTH: Setting aside the fact that you cannot “discover” a land that is already inhabited, CC never set foot on the continent, nor did he ever suspect it existed. He landed on islands in the Caribbean and thought he was in India. All of his subsequent trips were confined to these islands.
2a: Okay, so he discovered American for the Europeans. TRUTH: The vikings did that hundreds of years earlier, they just didn’t steal it from the people who already lived there.
3. Columbus was a decent human being. TRUTH: Even by the dubious standards of his day, CC was a cruel and inhumane monster. These days, everyone compares everyone they don’t like to Hitler, but Columbus was really good at being just like him, even before he was born. He murdered and tortured the indigenous people of the Caribbean in an attempt to get them to show him where the gold was. He and his men beat babies to death, fed children to dogs, cut off limbs, hung, burned, raped, and skinned alive innumerable people in his attempt to attain wealth. By the time he was finished, he had killed an estimated 3 to 8 million people.Hitler-enough for you?
4. Italians love this guy. TRUTH: Sadly, that is quite often the case and as an Italian-American, it breaks my heart. There are so many Italians to hail as beneficial to life on earth, why pick an unmitigated bastard? Why have a national holiday based on this evil, greedy, murdering bag of cat vomit? We might as well be celebrating Mussolini. I understand why Italians latched onto him as a hero decades ago, but it’s time to admit our mistake and delete this holiday. Still want the day off? How about Robert De Niro Day? He has killed far fewer people, even if you count the ones he pretended to kill in the movies.
5. What does all of this have to do with socks? TRUTH: Your guess is as good as mine.
I’m surprised Dan, that you are unaware of his 4th voyage to the “new world”. During this trip he sailed along the coast of Central and South America looking for a navigable water route to what he thought would be the Indian Ocean. With extended stays in a few places where he managed to wear out his welcome for the exact reasons that you mention. He was actually VERY close to finding the Pacific Ocean, but he refused top believe the natives in what is now Panama about how close the other ocean was. ( and his stubbornness to find a WATER route. )
That said, this was my Status this morning ( I am Native American and My grandfather has been saying this for years) :
OK, It’s Columbus Day… Let’s all celebrate by walking into someone else’s house and telling them that we live there now, AND they have to practice OUR religion, AND they aren’t allowed to have anything that ties them to their cultural past. IF they don’t like it…. Just kill’ em.
Well said!
Thank you, Dan. Not many people realize that CC never discovered America, tortured and killed millions of innocent people, and so on. I’m not sure why history teachers, and every one else, have latched onto this idea that he was a great guy who founded the New World.
Also, I like the comic. And today’s allergic to ‘The Man’ made me laugh.
Fantastic post Dan!!!!
Thank you for giving old Mr. Columbus his due. It appalls me the lies that were actively taught as truth when I went to school. I sure hope that schools today tell it a little more like it is.
My entire goal in life, now, is to NOT go down as a ‘murdering bag of cat vomit’.
Thanks for setting the record straight, Dan. Nix the ‘holiday’, I say. I didn’t get the day off, anyhow.
This one I’m going to share with friends and neighbours alike. Thank you!
It’s similar here in Australia. I “learnt” at school that Captain Cook discovered Australia. Later, I found out that was after the Aboriginies had been here for about 100,000 years and the Dutch and the Portuguese had also dropped by. It’s a bit like a car theif discovering someone’s car.
I like the car thief analogy. :o)
Dan, you might want to take a look at this again: “By the time he was finished, he had killed an estimated 3 to 8 million people.”
How many a day is that, and where did these people come from?
You’re right. The number I was quoting was referring to the mass genocide of all indigenous people eventually killed by European colonizers, as a result of what Columbus started. His actual estimate is from 250,000 to 300,000, but no one knows for sure.
Ahhh, I had just visited the comments section to ask about this myself…. seemed like a crazy number to me, thanks for the elaboration!
Maybe by “Italian” you mean people of Italian origin born and bred in the US?
As an Italian living in Italy, I can say that over here we are quite indifferent to Cristoforo Colombo (we always refer to him by name+surname, maybe not to confuse him with Peter Falk’s character :-D – it is spelled with an o in Italian). Italians who’ve been to the US are actually quite puzzled by Columbus Day celebrations and the idea of “Italian-ness” that’s on display on parades and the like (actually, we are even more puzzled by Americans who claim “I am Italian too” but cannot even say ciao!).
But maybe you are making a good points about “Italians” and their infatuations for dubious characters – Italy is still full of people who love Berlusconi! :-(
True. I should have specified. Italian Americans, especially those in the Northeast U.S., are violent in their support of Columbus as a hero.
Better check your facts before you start creating your own revisionist history. Columbus sailed up the Orinoco river in modern day Venezuela and sailed along the coastline of South America. So he did explore and debark into the Americas proper.
Yes, you’re right. He apparently did not believe he was on a continent, but died believing he was exploring islands around Asia.
Great comic, and thanks for the facts.
Great comic.. wish that’s they way it would have gone down….BTW this caused a big argument for me with someone to the point where I screamed “you’re dumb as Bricks!” thanks, Dan : p
Hey Dan…On a serious note….the graphic description really freaked me out..could you warn us extremely anxious, sensitive, frightened by bad people, creatures in advance?
it was really unexpected : (
I guess some people are comfortable discussing these issues on a ‘happy, friendly place to be good ‘ format, but I think you should start a separate blog for serious stuff..my daughter always says “know your audience….”
Sorry, Joanne. It’s pretty rare that I talk about disturbing things on this blog so you’ll be safe.
Some say that C.C. was not Italian at all, that in truth he was Jewish. A *Morano from
Spain. That’s when Isabella and Ferdinand wanted to send someone off to gather all
the gold and spices for Spain. And a dismal time in Spain when the King and Queen
wanted ato do away with Jewish people unless they concerted to Catholicism. A searching scholar in San Diego, a retired judge did some investigating and found that C.C.s Italian writing was dismal and that his Spanish writing was much better. Also that he was about to set said on August 1st, a very important Jewish holiday when no new undertakings were ‘allowed’ (Tish a Bov) so he stalled and didn’t take off till the
next day August 2nd. I’m Jewish and not proud of all the above, but my theory is as
good as anyone else’s.
Robert DiNiro Day? Shit, yeah, Dan; that’s a helluvan idea. We could celebrate it sort of the way we do Talk Like A Pirate Day: we could all go around speaking to each other in a thick New York accent, and say stuff like You talkin’ ta me? You talkin’ ta ME?
Still, though… if you’re going to go that route, then — just to be fair — we need to have an Isabella Rossellini Day, too. Ooooooooh yeah. Hubba, hubba.