Conception Insect Porn Planet

Bizarro is brought to you by Human Ingenuity.

Like most decent people, I have no idea where I was conceived. It was in Kansas City, Missouri, that’s the most I can say. If I belonged to the society mentioned in this cartoon, however, my name might be K.C. Apartmentbuilding or Sambo’s Parkinglot. I have no idea and I don’t want to know.

For those of you outside the U.S. or in parts where Econo Lodges are unknown, it’s a motel chain. “Flint” is a town in Michigan.

That first cartoon and this moth one are pretty racy for newspaper comics but I decided to go out on a limb and I didn’t get any complaints. So chalk one up to common sense. You’re right, they’re not racy at all, but sometimes this kind of thing pulls the prigs out of the woodwork. You just never know. I wasn’t sure how I was going to illustrate the moth reading a magazine or if the magazine cover would be legible, but I’m very happy with the way it turned out. Most of you likely don’t know this, but I did cartoons for Playboy Magazine for a few years in the early 2000s. If you’re over 18, you can click this and see one. If you’re NOT over 18, do NOT click that link! Your young mind could be warped into an ugly gargoyle of sin.

This last cartoon was not drawn from personal experience because I have never been to Mars. I was just guessing. If you’ve been to Mars and know of something about it that is worse than not having enough air to play air guitar, please leave your thoughts in the comments section.

Conversely, I thought of a few things that are good about Mars: No reality TV shows, no political pundits, no politicians, no cars with giant whoompa whoompa speakers, no obnoxious ring tones, no one talking too loudly on their cell phones in public. Feel free to add to this list in the comments, too.

Here now is the Bizarro products you has been wanting in your life, including the ones above.

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16 Responses to Conception Insect Porn Planet

  1. cinders23 says:

    Gosh, did you have an extra cup of coffee this week or what? All three of these had me laughing out loud! I like how you had the guy from Flint look a bit like Michael Moore, who is from the economically depressed Flint, as we all know. Well done! Thanks for the chuckles. Signed, Milwaukee Twenty-eighth Street.

  2. Joe Hilbig says:

    On the other hand . . . no Bizarro!

  3. Indi says:

    Mars bad: No chinese food.

    Mars good: No gefilte fish.

  4. James says:

    I’m reminded of a joke I heard way back in the Boy Scouts. A young indian boy was sitting with father and asked, “how do we get our names?” The father replied, “well, when a child is born in our tribe a name is selected to commemorate whatever significant event happened that day, so for example the day that your brother was born a great hunter killed a bear and so he was called Great Hunter, and the day that your sister was born a deer ran through camp and so she was called Running Deer. Anyway, that’s enough questions for today, Broken Rubber you should run along and help your mom out.”

  5. Tanja says:

    I second what Milwaukee Twenty-eighth Street said; I laughed and laughed and laughed, including at the playboy shadows cartoon, because I’m warped that way. And Playbulb is genius! That’s a very nice pair of bulbs on the cover!

    (In contrast, your photo on Mars… what happened?! Sorry, but you had to draw attention to it with your big crossed out circle… Is that why you smoke cigars? Poor thing… Ah well, your cartoons rock!)

    Yours, Flat Cologne

  6. Algot Runeman says:

    What happens when a girl from Flint gets together with a guy from Steel (City)? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_City

    I suppose, sparks, if not more.

    Nice work, as always. Thanks for the laughs.

  7. turquoisecow says:

    I think I’d like to move to Mars…

  8. Waldo says:

    Ahhhhh…. Sambos. That takes me back. We had one in my Colo town that looked just like the one in the link. Not very PC were they? Come on… “Sambos”? Pretty racist and their mascot of a “Tigger” was a bit dicey. I was taught by my dad the “…catch a “tigger” by the toe… ” saying a bit different until I said it out loud at the K- mart while trying to figure what toy to buy. (replace the “t” with a “n” and you have my education from my dad – what did I know… I was 6)

  9. Cupcakesniece says:

    No one getting conceived there (as far as we know.)

  10. Paula says:

    No more religion too. (on Mars)

    My Dad’s birthday is October 15 too, so Happy Birthday wonderful people!

  11. David Ebinger says:

    You have never been to Mars.

    “I’ve never been to Spain but I kinda like the music.”

  12. Kevin Farrell says:

    Dan – I loved these cartoons. As always, I checked out the links too. That is the nicest Sambos ever! The picture of Flint is very misleading to anyone who has never been there. The Mars picture is closer to an accurate picture of Flint. I love the moth cartoon and your link to your earlier work was worth the click. Funny and smart.

  13. julimi says:

    Even worse than people talking loudly on cell phones in public are people who play music on their cell phones without earphones. I encounter that nearly every time I ride a bus, which is several times a week. I would move to Mars right now if I could get away from jerks like that forever.

  14. fdmundo says:

    But…no Mars Bars!

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