Famous Alien Roofs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Spot The Joke.

I’m not a pop-culture scientist (and have never even played one on TV) but it seems to me that we now experience far more “celebrities” who cannot actually do anything special than we ever have before. I blame reality TV shows. If you can somehow con your way onto one of these god-forsaken shows, you can become a rich and famous “celebrity” by just being the jackass you’ve been all your life. The most distressing part of this equation is that millions of people will actually worship you. Kim Kardashian’s most unique gift is her inherited fortune and comically huge clown ass. Snooki’s is her utter lack of dignity or shame. These are now considered talents. It makes me shudder. Then vomit. Then hold a gun to my head. (The only reason I’m still able to write this post is that my unfamiliarity with guns led me to buy batteries instead of bullets.)

On to more believable scenarios: here are some aliens who live in the famed “Area 51.” Mr. alien’s hard work has paid off and now he and his zlibnorch get to move to a nicer neighborhood. What kind of work does he do, I wonder, besides posing for bumper stickers, ball caps, and other souvenirs?

This idea came from my known associate, Wayno. Have a peek at what he says about it on his blog here.

 

 

Finally, I direct your attention to the cartoon with talking houses. The snow-on-the-roof phrase is an old (pun intended) saying about getting older. I think the original is something like, “just because there’s snow on your roof, doesn’t mean there isn’t a fire in your furnace.” Something like that. I’m only 19, so I’m not old enough to know the exact wording. It supposed to mean that people with gray hair still like to have sex. That’s one of those things you don’t like to think about until you get there, though.

The second caption refers to a disease called “shingles,” which typically attacks the elderly. But you can actually get shingles anytime. Oddly enough, I had it when I was 13. It’s a rash that appears around your ribcage and is caused by a temporary flair up of an old chicken pox virus. So if you’ve had chicken pox, you could get shingles. Don’t worry, though, it’s curable.

What’s not curable is your need for a chuckle, so keep checking back to my blog as I attempt to treat your symptoms. Some people work to cure disease, some invent amazing new technology, some draw silly pictures and try to make anonymous strangers smile. Who is to say which is more important? Okay, the first two are, but this is all I can do and I need to eat regularly, just like you.

I want you to buy my new book so badly I can feel it in my bowels. Assuage my bowels here.

 

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13 Responses to Famous Alien Roofs

  1. Clint says:

    The Kardashians and the Jersey Shore cast should be welded into an Econoline van and dropped in the ocean.

  2. Alisa says:

    Shingles can mosey their way just about anywhere; they do prefer to hang out not too far from the spine, though. I got them around my 20th birthday, I felt your premature pain.

    Warning: Gross.

    http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/196619_1817711115097_1009708213_2057181_3493612_n.jpg

  3. Brian says:

    The only time I’ve seen any of those awful shows is when Joel McHale and company make fun of them on “The Soup.” It makes me crazy to think that people actually care about those morons.

  4. Steve H says:

    Fame for its own sake is nothing new — check out Olive Logan!

  5. Stacy Carson says:

    I wonder if Mr. alien ever refers to his spouse as “CHNZ”. (Hm… I guess that there’s a good chance that Mr. alien also has words for “crazy” “half” and “naked” that begin with letters other than c, h, and n, but of course that would mess up the attempted humor. Dang those aliens.)

  6. Tom says:

    Dan: did you mean “shudder”?

  7. pixie lou says:

    Love the comments regarding modern “celebrities.” It’s strange that hardly anyone can name a single person from the Guinness World Records but every frickin’ body knows who Snooki is.

    At least the folks in the GWR book have done SOMETHING. Being gross and tacky is all it takes to get attention now.

    And people wonder why I’m not having kids…

    I’d hate having to explain this part of life to them.

  8. JayFish says:

    Re Snooki-style reality TV…the obvious question is: If someone offered you their kind of money to do such vomitous TV, would you take it…or stand on principle? I know what my answer would be. Where’s the tanning spray?

    • Piraro says:

      I make a decent living but I’ll never get rich, so I’m in the same economic class as most people. I’ve been approached about reality shows a few times and have always said NO! without even hearing the pitch. The thought of a camera crew poking around in my personal life is repulsive and not worth any amount of money to me. Although there are plenty of things I would stoop to for a fortune, reality TV isn’t one of them. :o)

  9. Tom says:

    There’s a vaccine for improving one’s chances of contracting shingles; definitely worthwhile: http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/chickenpox-vaccine#3

  10. Joanne Monyelle says:

    I got shingles a few years ago..and I’m well past the age of 29.. I was convinced i had bedbugs and went to VERLO mattress store..told the guy I had bed bugs and bought a new mattress and boxspring..it took a couple of days for delivery..i got so bad I finally went to the doctor and found out what I had..well at least I got a new bed out of the deal..but damn I was laid up..so painful like sharp knives..

    and thank you for always curing my sads

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