(For an enlarginated view of this cartoon, click Santa’s hat ball.)
Bizarro is brought to you today by Dueling Santas.
As my regular readers know, I’ve recently been very busy with the torturous details of moving headquarters from the Brooklyn to L.A. One of my many reasons for the move is to be closer to Brad and Angelina; I’m very worried about their marriage and if I can help in any way, I want to be close.
Currently, I am sitting in a room that resembles a bad art project wherein someone attempted to build a replica of the Grand Canyon out of filthy, old, marked-up boxes. It is depressing and it will take many weeks to get all of this stuff sorted and out of sight. If it is even possible.
As long as I’m boring you with the tedious details of my personal life, let me tell you that my Bizarro deadlines are grossly overdue. I was supposed to turn in a week’s worth of cartoons last Tuesday but could not because my moving van (pregnant with my art supplies, computer equipment, desk and chair) was still en route from NYC. It didn’t arrive until Thursday afternoon and I spent all day Friday digging around for the supplies needed to do some new cartoons.
I found them late yesterday and, much to my chagrin, my fancy-pants, expensive, state-of-the-art, Wacom Cintiq computer screen was crushed and broken. Fortunately, it still works and I hope to be able to cobble together seven cartoons before it catches fire.
The next few weeks will be a nightmare of work, sorting, storing, cleaning, arranging, and financial worries. Moving isn’t cheap. Thrown into the mix is the loneliness of solitary living for the first time in a decade. I miss CHNW.
Enough with the heartstrings, let’s talk about these cartoons:
1. Does it alarm or surprise you that Santa spelled sideways is “Satan?” Me either. (Don’t miss the background joke of the leg hold fur trap on the window mannequin’s foot.)
2. Are you sorry that Custer met a bloody, painful death at Little Bighorn? Me either.
3. If these hunters were vegan, they wouldn’t be cooking eggs. Or hunting, for that matter, but then I’d have no joke.
4. I love this gag but now wish I’d used, “Tzu. Shih Tzu.”
5. My foot had a nightmare last night that it belonged to Governor Rick Perry and was constantly in his mouth.
I’m very sorry to hear about your Cintiq – those things are crazy expensive. Maybe you can do something with Kickstarter to raise cash to buy a new one?
One of my favorite Steven Wright lines is “I hate when my foot falls asleep… ’cause I just know it’ll be up all night.”
haha I love the story of the nightmare your foot had.. I feel so for you. We had lived for 24 years in our house when we moved. It was just across town, so I can imagine how horrid the experience has been, moving across country. It must be very strange to be in CA after living your whole life in NY. It’s such a giant pain going through all those boxes. I still have a handful I haven’t made it to, in eight years. I hope you have better luck. :-)
Best of Holiday wishes to you.
=v= Oh man, that steel-jawed leghold trap in the window display is the best.
(I called it “steel-jawed leghold trap” in honor of trappers who object to that specific wording.)
Separated from home and wife, didn’t have your stuff and now have to deal with your stuff… all this in a new vastly different place like wacky LA. Wow, you really do it up right! I’d be in permanent shock. And still… nice cartoons as always.
Sending warm thoughts from NZ. Hang in there; it will get better eventually, as it must. xx
Well, the experience should be worth several good cartoon ideas, like unpacking and realizing that your heart was broken in the move or reading the funnies on the newspapers used for packing boxes. Or the truly disturbing realization that when you’re depressed, you can’t tell if you’re in LA or NY. Feel free to use any idea that doesn’t make you cringe too much, no charge.
Those are actually all pretty good ideas, Craig. How much would you charge to sell me gag ideas?
I really like the broken heart idea, Craig L. Dan, you could and should milk this break-up cartoon-wise for all it’s worth. Think about it: your misery could inspire some of the funniest, yet heart-wrenching cartoons you ever made.
You suffer; we laugh. Us jazz pickles have your back, you see.
Here’s a positive from MY breakup: once the divorce settlement comes through, I’ll buy something awesome from your shop. You’ve made me laugh through years of misery (that was *during* my marriage… happy since!) I want to give back.
I call on all Jazz Pickled Divorcees to buy something or put a dollar in the tip jar. Do it to honour all that was good about your marriage, or else, do it – like me – to SPITE your STINGY EXES! Go on, you know Dan deserves it!! :)
I’m shocked and disappointed that you would suggest Gov. Perry has his foot in his mouth. Even in a dream that’s anatomically impossible while his head is up his ass.
Excellent point. I stand corrected.
Not necessarily … they could meet in the middle somewhere.
all the cartoons and most of this blog has me in stitches.. Indi, D. P. and Steve , this thread is the frosting on the cake! Thanks for the giggles…. : )
If he were bending over backwards….
Loved the poacher joke. Living in Stockholm, I showed it to some Swedes, but even if they’re generally good at English, you need a REALLY good command of English to get it.
I thought the same thing about the possible egg poachers before I saw your comment.
Hang in there, Piraro!
Jeano
Hahaha, those are really good :) It reminds me of how every time I move, it feels like I packed up my brain. And then when I find it it seems a little smushed.
Awesome cartoons this week Dan.
Those are really good :) It reminds me of how every time I move, it feels like I packed my brain and now I can’t find it. And then when I do find it it seemed a little smushed.
It’s a helluva way to live, what you’re doing. You’ve got two major stressors and then complications on top. I moved a few years ago and a friend told me that it would take about 6 months for me to “move in”, that is, to feel like this place was home. She was right, and the move was the best thing I’d done in years. I hope your breaking-in time goes smoothly and quickly. The heart thing might take a bit longer, but I hope that smooths out with time as well.
Take care,
Faithful Reader
Dan, quick political question – if Obama signs NDAA into law (which he said he would), will you FINALLY acknowledge that he’s as bad as Bush.
To be honest, I have not followed politics in many many months and don’t even know what NDAA is. I’m sure it is bad, though.
It’s basically a military act that allows for indefinite detention of suspected enemy combatants without trial. And Obama PUSHED for the detention provision. Now you see why I say he’s no better than Bush.
Yes, I have heard of that and it makes my skin crawl. Okay, you win. He’s no better than Bush.
Thanks for the giggles…. : )
The Lhasa Apso, GCH CH Ta Sen Bond James Bond, the #1 Lhasa Apso in the country is delighted that you used Apso. Lhasa Apso. Will send a picture if you would like to see it. :-)
Ah, the George Lazenby version Bond. Good choice!
http://www.charles.tripod.com/george_fanclub.htm
I was under the impression Rick Perry had to take his foot out of his mouth periodically so that he could replace it with the other foot… you know, “open your mouth and change feet”?
You’re on a roll with comics that made me laugh out loud. As a nerd, the cintiq photo makes me cringe, though. It’s like the computer equivalent of those photos of wrecked ferraris.
Thanks for sharing my pain.
Something I learned a few years ago, when I was bouncing around for a couple years, if I didn’t go looking for it in 6 months, or didn’t take it out of the box in over a year, I didn’t need it, and I gave it away or pitched it. Of course pictures and specific mementos were exempt, but stuff that I could replace at a later date, was done. boxing ones life can seriously make one take inventory.
I totally agree. But most of my stuff is original artwork, art files, art supplies, and photos. So there’s not much more I can get rid of. :o)
Dan wrote:
Why, pray tell, do you worry about their marriage? They never have gotten married. If Brad and Angelina cared one bit about marriage they already would have. Instead they have done more harm to it by using it as a political pawn than anything else.
SenseiC bows out.
I had no idea. Clearly, I’m not following them closely enough. That changes NOW!