Dear Bizarro Jazz Pickles,
This is my final post of 2011, and I sincerely wish for a better year to come. My 2011 was fairly wretched in many important ways as my beloved CHNW and I split up. I’m happy to be in Southern California now (here are 70 reasons why) but miss my wife terribly. Not your problem or concern, of course, but I like to keep a personal perspective on my blog. Hope you don’t mind the sentimentality.
But let us not dwell on the negative. Here is my year-end list of GOOD things that happened in 2011:
Neither of my daughters, Krapuzar and Krelspeth, were arrested for shoplifting.
I was not detained indefinitely without counsel by my own government, though apparently they actually have that right. Is this still America? Fox News says yes, NPR says no.
When a thoughtless jackass ran a stop sign and totaled my classic motorcycle in August, neither my wife nor I were killed or maimed for life.
My parents did not die in a warehouse fire and are still healthy and happy.
I did not lose any limbs to attack dogs or wild animals.
I did not send any money to the widow of a Kenyan millionaire.
Not once did I find myself in the presence of Rick Perry or any cast member of Jersey Shore.
Though I spent more than a month of 2011 in Los Angeles, my teeth are still the color of actual human teeth and I do not have breast implants.
Though I spent more than 10 months in New York City, I was not pushed in front of an oncoming subway train.
Newt Gingrich’s head did not get stuck in my bathroom window.
I did not have a role in the next Academy Award-winning movie, only to be cut out of the final version.
I was not locked in a room and forced to listen to hip-hop.
I am not suffering from erectile dysfunction, though it now looks as though it will be a good long time before anyone other than myself cares at all.
I hope your year was as full of silver linings as mine was. Let’s all just take a few moments right now to be thankful for the horrible things that did not happen to us. (silence, please)
I sincerely look forward to a better 2012 for all of us Earthlings.
One last THANKS to Wayno for his guest cartoonist appearance this week. It helped me to free up some much-needed time to make my way across the country. Visit his blog early and often for dynamic prose about our collaborations and much much more!
Happy 2012 to all of us. New Year’s Eve is my worst holiday. I want all good things to stay that way. I want everyone who is alive to stay that way. I always worry about who will meet “the true death”. (Thank you, HBO’s True Blood). Mostly I thank you for your list of good things from 2011. I will make my 2011 list in the same manner, and instead of lamenting what happened will pull from it the positive. If you can do it, with your whirlwind year, then I can certainly do it. So, here’s to a fabulous 2012. For whatever may happen, there will be a silver lining. My 2012 list from Dec. 31, 2012 will say so (even if it is an election year)! Thanks again…
You may have had a lousy year (and, personally, if I had had a year like yours I would rate it as such), but you have been unstinting in your efforts to entertain, and this BJP has that on her personal list of 2011 Good Things. Thank you for sharing both your talent and your thoughts in this blog.
Sincerely hoping 2012 is a huge improvement for you,
Kat
Have an excellent New Years Dan and thanks for all the great cartoons in 2011. Sorry to hear about the split. Take care dude and ring in the new year with pie.
Casey
I wish you a healthy and happy New Year! Hope that the separation is not permanent.
Good luck in California. We go to visit our son in SF a couple of times per year. It’s good to get out of Tulsa once in awhile. Seriously, may 2012 be better year for everyone.
Anne
Your blog and cartoons in 2011 often brought a smile or provoked a thought, Dan, and for that I say thanks! May 2012 build on your list of good things… Best wishes for a happy New Year!
Thanks Dan for the list of bad things that didn’t happen. I was sitting here feeling sad that I don’t have a guy, my daughter lives away and I miss her and my best friend is travelling for the next 4 months. I CAN think of some pretty awful things that didn’t happen to me and it has shifted the focus.
You’ve had a rough time and I’m sorry about that. If only we could make it better for people we like and know are good folks. So, all the best for the year coming up and for each of the moments it will hold.
Dan man,
When bad things happen think of the rubber band effect: When something pulls you the wrong direction it will eventually get to a point where it has to reverse, and BOY will it reverse–it could be fast and furious!
Here’s to a great year for you, and many more to come. I hope you never stop failing to be one of the brightest points in my life every day. As my wife will tell you, when I get home from work every day, I turn on the computer, pop a beer, and go to Bizarro to see what your daily twist on life is!
Obama signs the NDAA into law, allowing for indefinite detention. Proving once again that he’s as bad as Bush:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/31/obama-defense-bill_n_1177836.html
I was shocked to read you and your wife split up, but I’m glad it was only physically split up!
Thanks for the year of fantastic comics.
Andrew, Previous Blender Winner, D.
Yes I think 2011 was a bit of a dud year all around and hopefully 2012 will make up for it. Thanks for giving us the laughs over the year.
Hasn’t Wayno heard of “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” (or maybe he has – ergo the toon).
If it is any consolation: You made quite a few of my days last year. Keep it up!
I’m really sorry that you’ve had such a rough year, but I know how brilliant you are and I’m looking forward to all the cool stuff you’ll be doing in the future. Stay strong Dan! We love you!
Did either you or Wayno ever see this Gary Larson cartoon, which first appeared in 1990, and on the 2007 page-a-day calendar?
http://www.pimpmyspace.org/comments/code/2895805/
I’m sure I’ve seen it but it’s been years. There have been a lot of takes on using music as a torture in Hell. Gary’s wasn’t the first, Wayno’s won’t be the last. :o)
I like your cartoons, & especially your “punnies,” but I’m somewhat disappointed that your Sunday cartoon today seems a repeat of prior Gary Larson “Far Side” cartoon, “Charlie Parker’s Private Hell.”
http://s790.photobucket.com/albums/yy183/BonnieBeePhotoBee/?action=view¤t=larson_hell.jpg&newest=1
I just answered another question about this same issue. The two cartoons are similar, yes, but the concept of using some form of music or entertainment as torture in Hell is relatively common. I’m sure Larson’s wasn’t the first take on it and Wayno’s won’t be the last. :o)
Hey Dan, I saw a comic panel somewhere, one time with a clown in it. What gives?
Okay, you’re right. I stole the whole idea of clowns.
Dan, wishing you and all my fellow Jazz Pickles and happy and prosperous new year. Or may it at least be better than the last!
Dan my brother, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. A fine cigar and scotch helps us through that process, as you know. Chin up, it’s going to be a great year. Cheers, bro.
Thanks, T.T.T. You’re a pal.
Hi Dan,
I’m not a newspaper reader but happened to see this cartoon about hell and just read your comments above. I too am sorry about your breakup and bad year. It concerns me when people have such a distorted misconception about hell because all of us will spend eternity either there or in heaven. Since most people nowadays no longer read the Bible, they have no idea what God requires for admission into heaven, so the majority of humanity is going to hell. There’s nothing even remotely funny about hell. It’s a place of total darkness, separation, eternal torment, fire and brimstone. The only difficult part about getting into heaven is admitting you’re a sinner. Since God knew no human could keep the 10 Commandments perfectly, and the penalty for breaking even one law is death, (because He is totally holy and can’t allow sin into heaven,) He generously sent His only Son to earth to be the substitutionary, perfect sacrifice for our sins on the Cross. Jesus suffered for us while people were spitting on Him, mocking Him, pulling His hair out, etc., then died, was buried and rose from the dead on the third day. He promises us eternal life in heaven with Him if we will just believe He’s who He says He is, repent and ask Him to save us. When we do, He gives us new hearts. I’ll be praying that you and your wife decide to accept Jesus as your Savior, Dan. God hates divorce; He made you one when you married. I got saved when my life was a mess; I know that Jesus will get me through anything the world and satan choose to throw at me. I’m no longer alone. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. God bless you.
How can Hell be “a place of total darkness” if there’s “fire and brimstone”? Wouldn’t the fire cast at least a little bit of illumination?
What a stupid question. Hell is magic, just like god. Anything you can imagine and lots of things you can’t are both true and false all at the same time. Duh.
The Holy Trinity is a perfect example. A father, his son, and some nebulous ghost all have separate user I.D.s and passwords but are also the same person. Figure that one out and “dark fire” is a no-brainer. :o)
I think the Holy trinity being explained to me was the first emotional confusion I ever endured.. because when I asked my father to explain it…he just repeated what you wrote, Dan as if THAT made any sense…i thought something was wrong with my thinking…cuz I didnt understand it…
I like the cartoon but I think that Miles Davis would like the jam.
http://kosmo.hubpages.com/hub/Miles-Davis-Played-Trumpet-But-Not-the-Game
you weren’t burned or maimed by impromptu meth labs set up by druggies on aisle nine in walmart. your weren’t injured by the exploding churro recipe printed in a newspaper. you didn’t fall into the sewer system after thieves stole the man-hole covers. life poo keeps the art field well fertilized.
Your assuming those things didn’t happen to me.