Bizarro is brought to you today by The Day I Drew “Luann.”
It is always amusing to imagine one’s own funeral. I don’t delude myself into thinking that all of my Facebook friends would be there, of course. But however many people show up, I’d like to think they’ll have a good time.
Not just because I’m dead –– though I’m sure there will be a few who pop by just to celebrate that fact –– but because I’ve left instructions to be stuffed and propped up in a chair with a ukelele in my hands and my mouth wide open. Hawaiian uke songs will be piped in from a speaker behind my chair and the funeral will be officiated by a marionette. After it is over, all attendees get a Bizarro Snuggie.
I saw someone wearing an “Ask Me About My Grandkids” sweatshirt at the market recently and I was taken by how creepy it seemed. Does this person really believe that their grandkids are of any interest to strangers? Then I got to wondering if anyone every actually asked. Then I got to wondering what the creepiest thing a person asking about that person’s grandkids could say and came up with, “How many do you have and are they for sale?” Then I got to wondering what the creepiest thing the person wearing the shirt could say if someone was dumb enough to ask sincerely about their grandkids. Then I drew this cartoon.
Now that you know my process, you, too, can be a cartoonist.
Many old people in the United States take a metric crapload of prescription drugs. Some take enough to use the bottles as chess pieces. I have no idea why they would do this, but here is what it might look like if they did.
Does it strike anyone else as unfortunate that so many elderly women cut their hair in a style that makes them look like lesbian gym coaches? Just a random thought.
You, dear Jazz Pickle, are important to me. So important, that I want you to have products with my cartoons on them.
Or books with my cartoons in them.