Reaper Duck Stupid Rebel Hand Ball

Bizarro is brought to you today by Trojan!

The deadline gods conspired against me this week and I have had no time to post on this blog about my daily cartoons. I hope that next week will be less Sisyphussy. (NEW WORD ALERT!)  I think there are some good cartoons in this batch, but let’s let you be the judge.

The woman in the bar with a bow and arrow is an allegory for the way single men often feel about beautiful women. We are simultaneously drawn to and intimidated by them. One reason I never approach an attractive woman in public is because I am certain she will shoot me. Your results may vary.

This little ditty about a party full of grim reapers was an idea that came from my “known associate,” Wayno. The fun for me was in the drawing. I feel good about the body gestures of the various characters, which is something most cartoonists these days (since you no longer have to actually be able to draw to be a professional cartoonist) don’t pay much attention to. I think I managed to make the host look welcoming, the guest look mortified (PUN INTENDED!) and the guests in the background seem natural in a party environment. I also had fun with the paisley, of course. See Wayno’s clever chatter about it here.

The idea for this cartoon about Rebel Air was submitted by a loyal Bizarro Jazz Pickle, Brian Levy, who sends me several ideas each week. Like most JPs who do this, all of his suggestions are appreciated but most are not quite right for me. I liked this idea about a rebellious airline that flouts FAA rules, however. Just for fun, I attempted to draw a sort of caricature of Mr. Levy for this cartoon based on a photo he sent. I doubt it looks much like him but you might notice he is sitting next to me on the plane (another of my tributes to Alfred Hitchcock.) Don’t get any ideas, Brian –– I will NEVER travel anywhere with you.

If you were wondering when I was going to openly call someone stupid, wonder no more for I have done it in this cartoon. I got quite a few emails from teachers who particularly related to this one. One of the best reasons I know for educating yourself and behaving with some sense of decency is that there is a damned good chance your kids are going to be a lot like you. Want your kids to be honest? Don’t lie to them or to your significant other. Want your son to respect women? Don’t be a lecherous hound. Want your daughter to pick a good mate someday? Don’t be an ass to her mother. Want your kids to be smart? Don’t be an uneducated boob. It’s kind of simple, really. If you don’t have any children, ignore the previous advice and be a stupid, lying, cheating jackass if you like.

I’ve done a few cartoons about the hand inside of a puppet but I’m not tired of the motif yet, so here’s another. (And here is one of my favorites from last year.) My good friend with the best nom de plume yet, Richard Cabeza, suggested a cartoon wherein a muppet couple were getting a sonogram and a hand shows up inside of her. For various reasons of graphic clarity, I changed it to this approach. Now that I think of it, it would have been even funnier if the mom muppet was lying lifeless and limp on the table since her infrastructure had just been removed. Damn. Wish I’d thought of that before this second.

Here’s another fun idea from Wayno. For this one, I used the same drawing as a cartoon I did a while back. See here. A fun little bit of trivia for you Jazz Pickles who actually read my blogs and don’t just look at the pictures, is that on the backs of the jerseys I used the names of a few of my friends who are regular contributors to Bizarro. Just a little nod to my homies.

So who do you want to win the Super Bowl this weekend? I don’t care who wins as long as it isn’t New England. It’s not that I hate Boston, I don’t. I always root for the Red Sox over the Yankees, for instance. And I don’t hate patriots; I always root for the U.S. over Germany when I watch The History Channel. It’s just that the Patriots have won too much, Belichick seems like a complete ass, and Brady is married to a super model. That’s all the reasons I need. Hey, it’s sports, not brain surgery.

I’m dead broke. Please buy something from me: cartoons on products, cartoons in books.

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37 Responses to Reaper Duck Stupid Rebel Hand Ball

  1. ANdy WIlliams says:

    Hey Dan,

    What does the K2 reference in your cartoons mean? Did you work for K2?

  2. Ken McKnight says:

    In the grim reaper cartoon, any chance that’s a chessboard in the background? That would have been a cool Seventh Seal reference. It’s probably a plate of hors d’oeuvres, I know, but your cleverness often astounds me.

    BTW, I agree with you about Richard Cabeza. Best pseudonym ever!

  3. Rick says:

    Dan, the school teacher gag was hands down my favorite. My daughter has one more year of college before she pursues a teaching job, and I lovingly posted in on her Facebook page (hopefully that’s okay with you). It received lots of likes, but then–that shouldn’t surprise you should it? It didn’t me.

    I hope you’re becoming acclimated to the superficial world that is L.A. Just keep telling yourself, “Yeah, it may be more spread out than a freckle on a fat woman, but at least it’s warm!”

  4. I like the first one with the imminent sense of danger. You know they’re going to look over to their admirer and not duck.

    With the second one (also good) how about a Grim Reaper given an assignment in France and not knowing if he has to give the French Kiss of Death ?

    Hey I bought one of your mugs on line (Sunday Punny #14) and I do enjoy the way it holds hot beverages cylindrically in a manner allowing them to be placed near my face for consumption. It is my new favorite mug.

    PS #’s 3, 4 + 5 were also good

  5. Cliff says:

    Yipee! I’m a homie!

  6. DimSkip says:

    I enjoyed all the Bizarros featured here, especially the Muppet and Rebel Air ones.

    Off-topic, but this just seemed real world Bizarroish to me and I thought you might appreciate it on some level. I get why certain folks might not see the humor of it, but come one, it was 4 years before anyone noticed. And I think you pretty much gotta admire the creativity and brazenness involved too.

    • Piraro says:

      That is HILARIOUS! Thanks so much for sharing. As a person who loves to hide things in images, this is right down my alley! I actually made me LOL out loud!

    • Tanja says:

      This story is making world news, by the way. We’re laughing about Vermont cops all the way to New Zealand :)) Pure genius. Good on Keith Flynn for showing a sense of humour.

  7. I’m not so sure the limp muppet thing would have worked, anyway. Seems to me there would be an unfortunate died-in-childbirth thing that might get in the way of the missing-infrastructure interpretation. Also, the set of all people who never figured it out would include a large overlap with the set of people who would find that offensive.

    Personally, I thought it was a nice twist on the hand-up-the-butt norm of the puppet world. :)

  8. rubber_wonder_boy says:

    I just started reading your blogs. I like the puppet stuff. I wonder, what happens when the hand has a hang nail? Overly dramatic character?

    Or what if the fabric breaches, like one puppet slashes the other when reenacting a horror flick? Will there be a finger exposed instead of a bone?

  9. Brian says:

    I think the word you meant to use is “Sisyphean” (not to be a Grammar Nazi, or anything).

    Great.

    Now you think I’m some kind of a-hole. Still, it was just too Tantalizing to make that comment. Gods, I’m such a Greek.

  10. Luis says:

    The cartoon about the guys at the bar reminds me of one of my favorite Bizarros, the one with the girl with the chainsaw and the one guy saying (if I recall correctly), “What’s the worst that could happen?”

    As for this cartoon, there’s an added dimension: is the girl giving the guy in the green sweater fair warning, or is she trying to hit the guy in the red jacket?

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  12. David T.G. Riches says:

    Actually I liked the paisley on the Reaper I thought whoa who killed the 1960′s man?

    Then I woke up. Actually the Muppets reminded me of the TeeFury.com T-shirt of the day for January 30th, 2012 so if I hadn’t realized you had made your cartoon weeks beforehand I would have been worried.

    As for the Super Bowl XLVI I thought you would have tried to use the Patriots versus Giants to crack some biblical David Versus Goliath humor or even some Footballers not ready for Bowling but making us all imagine dancing Quarterbacks is enough humour to torture us with for a game. Keep up the good work.

  13. Radwaste says:

    “One of the best reasons I know for educating yourself and behaving with some sense of decency is that there is a damned good chance your kids are going to be a lot like you. Want your kids to be honest? Don’t lie to them or to your significant other. Want your son to respect women? Don’t be a lecherous hound. Want your daughter to pick a good mate someday? Don’t be an ass to her mother. Want your kids to be smart? Don’t be an uneducated boob.”

    IMHO, this might be the best thing you’ve ever written – even as a disturbing number of people don’t want to do that, they want “somebody else” to do it. Like teachers.

    Cheers!

  14. Tanja says:

    So what’s an attractive woman to do then when the good men are hiding with fear? Huh? I’ll put that out to the jazzily pickled community.

  15. Hello Piraro,

    Interesting Post, Ones that always stood out for me:

    * My Dad murdered Daffy Duck with a staple gun on the front drive..

    * ‘My Little Pony’s going down a lava water slide and being met by the grim reaper

    ^ Yes they were real! Pretty scary too! I had an active imagination as a kid…

    Keep up the good work

  16. hemlock says:

    a) the joke about amateur nouns was frickin’ hilarious. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    b) you realise your blog is categorised as humour, so every time you announce you’re “broke”, it’s just funny and I cant take you seriously… you might say you can’t take me seriously because of my British spellings, but I’ll let you come up with a wittier response.

  17. Sean Maslow says:

    Hey Dan,

    I just had a random Sunday Punnies thought. Maybe it has already been done to perfection elsewhere, but I imagined an instigator as being some sort of product you add water to or pull a string on and it inflates into an goading alligator. The scene I conjured has a Cajun “gentleman” (perhaps Troy Landry from Swamp People – http://www.chootem.com) en swamp boat holding a can of “Insta-Gator.” A shiny new alligator is next to him saying, “Go on, put your head in my mouth. I dare you!”

    Thanks,

    Sean

    P.S. – Always love your stuff!

  18. L.A. says:

    Ack! The puppet one gave me the heebie jeebies. Maybe it’s a female thing. And yet I find myself strangely drawn to it…

  19. Pingback: At The Muppeternity Ward | Broadsheet.ie

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  21. Greg says:

    Dan, love the “muppet” cartoon – would it be “fair use” to run it in my little non-prof L.A. puppet guild (yes, there are such things) newsletter? Seems appropriate to ask and all. Can’t wait for you to do your stand-up show here!

  22. ass raper says:

    I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post’s to be precisely what I’m looking for.

    Does one offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs?

    I wouldn’t mind composing a post or elaborating on some of the subjects you write concerning here. Again, awesome site!

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