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Bizarro is brought to you today by Double Entendre Road.
Welcome to my blog, where you’ll see my daily cartoons and most of you will ignore the things I write about them. If you’re one of those who just pops in to read the cartoons and are skipping the hilarious prose that accompanies them, you’re missing some of the best parts: funny ideas and words like “juice,” “parachutes,” “careening,” and much more more.
Our first comic today is the 21st in my series of Sunday Punnies, wherein I make cartoons out of puns that readers send me. This week’s puns are from Bob Dell-Agostino, Coke Ellington, and Joe Turner. A feminist might be asking at this point, “Why three men? Why not a woman? Are women not funny to you, you chauvinist jackass?” To which I would reply, “How do you know that one of these authors is not a woman? Maybe Joe and Bob are women. Who’s the sexist now, Ms. Angrypants?”
Whatever kind of plumbing these three readers have, I’d like to congratulate them all and thank them for their humorous donations to this edition of Bizarro Sunday Punnies. You can find some previous ones here.
If you want to donate your pun idea for a future Sunday Punnies, leave your idea(s) in the comments section of this post. To be eligible you must:
- a) submit an original idea (as far as you know)
- b) agree to receive no compensation or copyright to the idea once I turn it into a cartoon
- c) include in your comment the name you’d like me to include in the credit line at the bottom
- d) not be a super villain from a comic book who intends to trick me into assisting him/her in the destruction of Gotham City.
Also note that I WILL NOT publish your pun suggestion in the comments section, so as not to ruin it for readers should I choose it. Your mathematical odds of getting your idea into a future Bizarro Sunday Punnies is roughly one in however-many-people-submit-puns. So don’t get all cranky if yours isn’t picked for The Big Show. In the big picture, this kind of thing is utterly meaningless. Not unlike my career.
Here are some other cartoons I published this week. I hope you are a powerful producer and like them all so much that you want to sign me to a lucrative career in television and film. Wouldn’t that be nice?
1. A funny bug joke from my buddy, Wayno. He talks about it here. I read it and I laughed.
2.
A funny joke about getting fired. One reader complained that I should have used the word “carpet” instead of “rug.” To which I said, “Yeah, okay, you’re right. Whatever.”
3. 
A funny joke about bird puke. Is there any other kind? If you are not familiar with the ways of our feathered friends, you might like to know that mother birds eat disgusting things like worms and bugs, then barf them up into their babies’ mouths. It’s revolting, but the kids seem to love it. Not unlike Spaghetti-Os.
Here’s another cartoon I did about the same subject. It was not autobiographical.
4. This funny joke is also gross because it is about urination. Everyone does it but nobody wants to talk about it. Seriously. Try to get someone you met on the bus to talk about the last time they peed.
If you are now saying, “Dan, where can I get these funny cartoons and just about any other Bizarro cartoon I can think of from the last couple decades on underpants and god-knows what else?” I would say, “Click this.”
If you were to say, “Can I get your cartoons in books?” I would lead you to this place here.
This has been fun, hasn’t it? Stay crunchy, Jazz Pickles.
curses! disqualified by requirement d!
Bentley, Stephanie and Tiffany? Clearly you are fantasizing about a WASP universe in another galaxy far, far away. May the farce be with you.
perfect @ brilliant as ever : o ) I love all your drawings….
“we’re letting you go Bentley… ” ” ON THE RUG ? !” SOO Funny!!!!!!!
I love the farmer pulling the pig out the ground. Classic touch!
About the beer out-box; funny, I didn’t think of urination, I thought of barfing.
That was my first thought too!
Love, love, love, swearhouse. So, so, so, funny!
Double entendre road names…. I live on a road that can barely keep a sign. Once, the name was spelled “Pussey” and I have electric bills to prove it ( This billing address is still spelled such.). Now it is spelled “Puzzey” yet we still have trouble keeping a sign. and I have heard some really interesting pronunciations over the years. ( FWI… Pew-zee is correct.)
Ha!
I’m looking for a cartoon from several years ago. It was of the two pirates staring at a bee on a door knob while other pirates looted their boat. Where can I find it?
Thanks
Sorry to say I don’t recall that cartoon at all. I suspect it wasn’t one of mine.
Because snakes dont have armpits!
I did not, for the life of me, get the ‘third out box’ joke until reading your comment. Shame on me.
And, not to be pedantic or anything, but shouldn’t the odds of winning be three in however-many-people-submit-puns?
Yes, I suppose you’re right about the odds thing. That’s why I’m a cartoonist and not a brain surgeon.
I really enjoy your comics, and I am a stand-up comedian in Toronto Canada. It has been quite interesting playing in the pun world as a comedian where at one point my entire set was all jokes involving puns, oh some nights were sooo long hahah. I host a show now called O’Pun Mic, if you ever come down let me know I’ll set up some fun shows for you dude!
Thanks for reading and the world appreciates your incredible art !! WE DO !
I have an idea for a comic Dan. I have 2 ideas for you
1: remember that movie alpha and omega do something to make fun of that
2: do something about that hacking group anonymous doing something
hey, a good friend of mine just referred me to your website! your puns are awesome!!
i have some of my own, too – i don’t know if you want to use any of them..
they’re all here: http://wildcardbrian.tumblr.com
thanks for making people laugh!
- brian
I love your humor. And your blog. I have just one question. Any significance to the blueberry (or boisenberry…can’t see that much detail) pie located under the desk? My dogs would have eaten it first ;) Keep up the punny humor! :)
There is a list of different little symbols that I hide in most of my cartoons. Check it out here.
Well, I believe *I* am the sexiest. Oh, wait, how did you spell that?…
Here’s a pun that’s unfortunate and unpublishable. I am searching for a Toyota van for travelling in New Zealand, and I was discussing Toyota Townaces and Liteaces with a friend of mine. She pointed out that I should look for a Toyota Masterace, as it has all the features I am looking for. I didn’t know that model, but as soon as she said it, I pointed out that I am German, and I cannot possibly be seen taking the Masterace for a drive…
My pun: baby changing station. Don’t like your baby? Get a new one at the handy dispose & dispense conveniently located at a public bathroom near you.
Thanks for providing my one reason to read the comics section of the paper (honestly),
Dillikins
Hey Dan, about the “Brussels Snout”: Would you, as a vegan, eat pork meat that was raised and harvested like a plant? Or, on a related matter, would you eat artificial meat?
I’m just being curious, and I ask this question all the vegetarians/vegans I know – these are quite interesting discussions. Some of them don’t have the desire for meat at all, but those of them who do, they are really contemplating if it’s less or even more disgusting than slayered animals’ meat.
What’s your opinion?
Good question and one that I have answered before. I have no moral objection to “artificial meat” –– the kind raised in a petri dish without sentience –– but I don’t know if I’d eat it or not. I like meat and eat so-called “mock meats” all of the time (made from wheat, soy, etc.) but the Frankenstein quality of “actual” meat cloned in a lab is pretty creepy. I’m not sure what I would do if it came to market so I’m taking a wait-and-see attitude. For me, my veganism is all about not causing needless suffering and death to my fellow sentient creatures, so that’s where I start when I think about these things. The health benefits are nice, but aren’t why I do it per se. Cloned meat would likely be as bad for you as “real” meat, so I certainly wouldn’t eat much, just as I try to limit my consumption of french fries. :o)
Hi Alex,
Here’s my unsolicited two cents worth: Artificial meat grown in a petri-dish surely has to start with cells from some animal, and as a vegan, I strongly suspect no pig or cow comes along and says “Hey, want some of my cells? Help yourself.” So ethically, for me, that’s a no, since there has to be at least one animal (and probably several, to begin with) who is still exploited. Of course, it’s an improvement that it’s “only” one animal, and not thousands and thousands each year. However, on principle, it’s still unacceptable. On another note, why would anyone want to eat it? I find the idea of petri-dish meat rather gross.
In any case, there’s no need for it. If a person likes the taste and texture of meat, there are excellent plant-based alternatives available. My favourite is mienjin, a wheat based product (similar to – or the same as??? – seitan).
I’ve no idea where the DNA would come from in that sort of case. It’s possible to get DNA from a strand of hair, which is not the least bit inconvenient to any animal, of course, but I don’t know if that’s enough to clone meat from.
Good point. Any jazz-pickled scientists in the jar who can answer this for us (because I am too busy- cough cough lazy cough – to google it/research it)? I’d still find it gross, and I still would be concerned about the health implications of eating lots of meat.
I am also suspicious. Which big-money making industry has ever walked up reassuringly to an animal to gently cut off a hair or two?
And where and how would the original animals be kept? So how likely is this best case scenario: a herd of cows happily roaming the plains (whatever suitable-for-cows plains), who are tame enough to come over and get a gentle haircut, which will then be used to start the production of millions and millions of kilos of petridish meat? Questions, questions… it’s much easier to just eat plants.
Thanks! :) That’s similar to what my friends say: It is morally less questionable than killing animals (some would say: only *slightly* less questionable), yet they also consider it to be quite creepy, and not something you would be eager to put on your plate.
Non sequitur, but I thought of you when I read this:
http://networkedblogs.com/uhMcq
Best,
Jean
LOVE that. Thanks for sending the link, Jean.
I’ve loved your comics for years now. Great work. Hilarious ideas!
So for awhile now, I’ve tried to create a comic in my head that somehow made fun of the fact that when you say the name of Israel’s Prime Minister, “Benjamin Netanyahu”, it sounds like the last part of his name, you are saying “Net and Yahoo” and I’ve been trying to think of visual contexts to put that in. Internet and Yahoo..
perhaps Benjamin (A $100 bill) then the Internet and Yahoo logo. hmm I don’t know. Maybe this can be taken someplace….
Best of luck, David
“The Hungry, Hungry Hippos Games”-Jonathan Bridge
Please cancel my previous comment. That’s one too many “Hungry”s. Sorry.
Your’s is one of the two strips I HAVE to read every day. (the other being Speed Bump) You are truly warped.