Bizarro is brought to you today by Eye Jinx.
Are you a person who enjoys things? I am too. Here’s something I hope you’ll enjoy: between five and seven cartoons.
The first one is about how Newton discovered gravity when an apple conked him on the noggin. The truth is, the whole story is a myth. Newton was not hit by an apple, but a grand piano falling from the fourth floor of those old, crumbly European buildings they have everywhere over there. The blow to his head caused him to go crazy and make up a bunch of sciency stuff about gravity and some other things. It was hilarious.
But not as funny as this cartoon of a woman who is going to wear a coat made of dead animals and her daughter who is going to wear a dead chicken on her head in protest. The “red paint” reference is to something that anti-fur protestors used to do back in the late 1900s when they saw someone wearing a fur coat. This only happened in civilized places where people don’t have to abuse animals to stay warm. I don’t think anyone ever threw red paint on an Eskimo.
If you want to talk about lots of dead human body parts being sewn together to make a new person, this would be a good time because here is a cartoon about Frankenstein. Where was he from? Lots of places, of course. Thanks to Cliff, my good buddy and wordsmith.
If you’re younger than an old person, you may not remember seeing those two antennae that TVs used to have that pretty much everyone called “rabbit ears.” They’ve been gone since the days that cable TV became ubiquitous, but when I was a child, we used to have to grab TV shows right out of the air with metal sticks. It was positively prehistoric.
Every time I do a cartoon that suggests that obesity is caused by a horrible diet and way too much of it, I get an email or two from someone who says that they eat a low-fat, vegan diet, exercise 18 hours a day and are still fat, so their problem is genetic. If you are a person like that, this cartoon is not for you. It’s for people who don’t exercise, eat fast food hamburgers, and wonder why they’re dead at 50. I am confident that none of those people are reading this blog because dead people don’t read much.
Our last cartoon today is about the amazing acrobatic feats that the human eye can accomplish. All hail the eye –– window into the soul and sunroof to the nasal cavities.
I’ve enjoyed our little chat today. I hope that wherever you are, unicorns and leprechauns are dancing in the streets, liquid gold is flowing from your faucets, and super-sexy celebrities want to date you.
Ciao, Jazz Pickles!
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