Lacto Piggy Rope Horn

(For a larger, more beautiful view of this cartoon, click the left eye of the man wearing the milk ski mask.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creative Parenting.

Not long ago my tiny friend, Victor the Boy Genius, suggested some alternate milk fashions akin to the famous milk mustache ads everyone in America has seen in the recent years. I added to them and created this hilariously, humorously, hysterically funny comic. Oh my goodness, the laughs just keep coming. To add to his already terrifyingly overblown ego, I used a picture of him as the model for the cartoon boy in this cartoon. Good lard, I would not want to be around Victor the Boy Genius today. His head would be the size of Omaha. (For my foreign readers, that’s a stunningly beautiful city and a MAJOR tourist attraction in the middle of the United States somewhere.)

Just for the record, I do not “got milk,” and haven’t had a drop of the stuff in over a decade. I’m of the opinion that cow’s milk is not a healthy thing for humans to consume, certainly not past infancy, and is the product of a horrendously cruel industry that impregnates cows, steals their babies from them and sells them to people who lock them in crates and slaughter them for veal, not to mention the mothers themselves being slaughtered once they are “spent”. Sorry for the soapbox but I’m not a person who tolerates cruelty to animals for the sake of a few minutes of flavor. I am, however, a person who uses dairy products for cartoons.

One of my friends who is smart and funny and normally gets all my stuff didn’t get this next cartoon. There’s nothing much to “get” here, just that when the doctor looks at Tom’s foot, he sees “little piggies,” (as in, this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home…) and mentions it to him as if it were a disease. Is that not funny? I thought it was but I’m no expert.

 

 

 

Ever seen people practicing Tai Chi in the park? If not in person, perhaps you’ve seen it on TV. There’s a lot of that kind of thing going on in California. No disrespect to the tradition intended, but it is a bit amusing to see someone defending them self against an imaginary attacker in slow motion. Here, the same principle is applied to jumping rope.

 

My last submission today is about a rhino who got a nose job. If you didn’t know, the art of messing with someone’s nose to make it look different is called “rhino plasty.” (Unless you’re doing it without concern to the nose owner’s health, then it’s called “violence.”) To my ear, rhino plasty is such a strange term. Before I ever heard the term, I actually had rhino plasty; I jumped into a swimming pool when I was 16, hit the bottom with my face, and smashed my nose so flat against my face that the emergency room docs wouldn’t touch me and called in a plastic surgeon to make it look like a nose again. Some would argue that I should have gotten my money back.

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35 Responses to Lacto Piggy Rope Horn

  1. R_W_B says:

    Other than drawing out actions, I think Tai Chi Rope Jumping also involves drawing out woorrrddddsssss. But given the medium’s limitation, I guess that’s kinda hard to do.

    I’m not sure if there’s sexual dimorphism in rhinos, but I thot the smaller one was a female rhino. Perhaps use rhinos of the same size and end with “sis” instead of “bro”?

    Whaddaya say, brah?

    [another SoCal thing: making "bro" sound like "brah" - eagh!]

  2. R.G.Daniel says:

    I need my milk. Tea without milk is like… is like cereal without milk. I was going to say “a day without sunshine” but I think that’s taken by another beverage.

    • Piraro says:

      I rice, and almond milk to be a great alternative in those situations. Cruelty free and no cholesterol.

      • Seth says:

        Or, you know, any situation. I started drinking rice milk around age 5, give or take, because I couldn’t stand the taste of cow’s milk. I admit I persisted in using cow’s milk in tea and cooking for a long time, but in retrospect, there was never any reason to do so.

      • Barb says:

        I’ve been using soy and almond milks for…heck – years now. I can’t ever imagine going back to dairy. No way. Ever.

    • Lisa says:

      You do not “need” milk unless you’re an infant, and if you are, your typing skills are truly impressive. What Dan said: There are non-dairy milk choices galore, and they do not involve suffering or death. Plus they are far better for you physically, they’re better for the planet because they don’t contribute to the abominably wasteful, polluting factory farming system, and they also are much kinder to our fellow mammals. Plus nondairy milks and creamers are quite delicious in tea and coffee.

  3. Evelyn says:

    Have I ever seen people practicing Tia Chi in the park? No, but Tai Chi, yes.

  4. Heywood J. Bloom says:

    Am I the “smart and funny” friend who didn’t get the piggy cartoon? If you are referring to someone else, there are at least two of us who didn’t get it.

    If you ARE referring to me, I stand by my initial reaction. Maybe it would have been funnier if the patient was a pirate.

    Of course I love nearly every other cartoon you’ve ever done, so you’re still doing pretty well according to this “smart and funny” critic. In fact, today’s made me spit up the milk I was drinking.

    Heywood

  5. PeterW says:

    I understand the idea that it’s cruel to cultivate bovine milk (factory conditions are pretty brutal, even to animals not slaughtered), but unhealthy? What evidence is there for that?

    Is it like the “meat causes colon cancer” study, which I find a bit simplistic on the grounds that the issue could well be lack of balance?

    • Carri says:

      Milk is polluted with pus, bacteria, hormones, and antibiotics. Dairy products are LOADED with fat. Of course, you can always ask yourself where cows get their calcium, oh, that would be plants. Then lastly, how many other creatures never quit nursing – only humans!! Time to grow up.

      • Steve Bain says:

        Check out the book “Whitewash” The Disturbing Truth About Cow’s Milk and Your Health, by Joseph Keon. Great info! :-)

    • Amelia says:

      @ Carrie: Milk includes a lot of vitamins and nutrients, especially vitamin D, which you can’t get enough of unless you have a good diet. For children, young people and the elderly who need nutrients like calcium and vitamin D, studies have shown that drinking milk gives them a longer life and keeps them healthier. It prevents osteoporosis. If you aren’t drinking regular milk then I hope you are getting calcium some other way. In some cases it helps you to lose weight. If you have the vitamins your body needs your body is not as “hungry”. For example if you don’t have enough vitamin D your body will constantly be hungry, always trying to get you to take in more foods in order to fulfill your vitamin needs. Does your niece eat her broccoli? Probably not. Then, milk is a good idea to supplement her diet.

      I studied Dairy Science at my university. The hormones given to cows are harmless if given in normal doses. If you tested the milk, the hormones would not be detected at all.

      I breastfed my twins for a year, but the World Health Organization says that babies should be breastfed for two years. Studies have shown that children are healthier and happier with milk. So, please go read some studies to back up your opinion. Take some classes, perhaps Dairy Science 101.

      The fat it contains is moderated. You choose 1%, 2%, 4%, or 0% milkfat. 4% is all that toddlers and young children should drink. Skim milk is what adults can drink. My kids and I only drink 2%. It’s the best. Frankly, anything else just don’t work on my honey granola. ;)

      • Piraro says:

        I know from my own research that leafy greens are higher in calcium than dairy. The vitamin D in dairy is added, as it is to other foods.

        • D. Woodhead says:

          Vitamin D from the sun is the best source!

          • Piraro says:

            I agree. In my day, kids played outside and got plenty of vitamin D.

          • aaron says:

            Vitamin D supplements are also quite cheap, for wintertime or shut-in lifestyles … but they do usually either come from lanolin (byproduct of sheep’s wool) or fish oil. I try to get the lanolin type, and hope they treat wool-sheep decently (though honestly, unfortunately, they probably end up slaughtering them for meat, eventually).

            Or there’s also synthetic vitamin D, or D2 (vs. D3) (cyanocobalamin, vs. something-else-a-cobalamin, I think), though I’ve read it’s not quite as beneficial.

      • Christine Erickson says:

        Amelia, it appears they failed to teach you basic nutrition in ‘Dairy Science 101′. So called 1% milk is actually over 20% fat and 2% milk is actually 36% fat…this is not moderate. What about all the antibiotics given to cows? Did you know that over 80% of all antibiotics produced are for animal agriculture…and that we are having growing issues with antibiotic resistant diseases? What about the deplorable conditions these animals are kept in? Sounds like the only studies you are ‘citing’ are dairy industry commercials. P.S. Milk and animal protein CAUSE osteoporosis amongst other things. Read The China Study.

  6. Calvin says:

    I see you put an upside down inverted bird on the large rhino’s back. Except it doesn’t have a hat on, but that’s because fell off because it’s upside down, of course.

  7. Foye Lowe says:

    I think it was Tio Chi I saw practicing with Tia Chi there in Golden Gate Park, but in case it wasn’t Tio, please don’t tell anyone . . .

  8. Foye Lowe says:

    Frankly, my comments are moderate enough. No moderation needed. Now, if you want to see IMMODERATE comments, check me out on FaceBook . . .

  9. Waldo says:

    Not to wordsmith but shouldn’t the third milk face be a “Van Dyke” and not a “Goatee”?

  10. Pingback: Lacto Piggy Rope Horn « What I see, what I feel, what I'd like to see…

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  12. NitricAcid says:

    Rhinoplasty also makes one less likely to be shot for the horn.

  13. joel garry says:

    And in the reality is stranger than comics corner: http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2012/oct/17/encinitas-parents-bent-out-shape-over-yoga-campus/ http://www.nctimes.com/news/local/encinitas/parents-may-sue-over-yoga-lessons-in-encinitas/article_335f0003-c7d4-5c7f-b72a-25d8d3d47306.html

    (Another article mentioned USD is studying the effectiveness of the yoga classes – the irony is that USD is a Catholic institution. ).

  14. finangle bolliviosite says:

    not to be the boring fact guy, but tai chi builds muscle memory, and these practitioners can hold their own against other martial arts. the slow speed isnt an issue. there are lots of videos of tai chi fighters online. love the comic, keep it up

  15. timbo says:

    Speaking of piggies here’s a cartoon idea you can have:

    A patient in a bed with a severely mangled foot

    Two surgeons conferring nearby: “I think we can save The Piggy That Went to Market, but I’m afraid we’ll have to remove the one that stayed home”.

    I’m a big fan of little piggies and inflict them on my grandchildren at every possible chance, even the 13 year old.

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