Weight Axe Curd Crook Band Strangle Furniture Amputee


Wow! This weekend’s post is a Jazztown Hootenanny Festival of Amusingness! SO many cartoons to catch up on!

(To imagine what this would look like larger, click the tiny wizard’s left ear. [His left, not your left.])

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sports Gardening.

I’m really happy with this Wizard of Oz collaboration with my good buddy, the King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. Very elaborate art, very subtle gag. My favorite part of the art in this one is the glossy floor; I always enjoy coming up with special effects. By the way, if for some reason you don’t get this joke, the punch line lies in the abbreviations for “ounces” and “pounds.” By the way Part 2: the reason that the word “pounds” is abbreviated with letters that do not appear in the actual word is because they stand for “libra,” the scale. The reason “ounces” is abbreviated the way it is, is because the unit of measure we call an ounce was first used on the set of The Wizard of Oz, because they needed a way to measure the weight of the munchkins. I love trivia like that.

2.This next cartoon was a collaboration with my showbiz manager, Jeff Topper. He’s a wacky dude by all accounts and rumor has it he thought of this gag while chasing cyclists through a local park. My favorite part of this art is the symbol for the chainsaw-wielding maniac painted on the path. This would be a fun thing to do in real life as a prank. If anybody does this, send me a picture and do NOT blame me if you get arrested.

(Yes, I know the image on the ground has a chainsaw while the maniac is carrying an axe. Psychopaths don’t follow rules particularly well.)


3. I’d just like to say for the record that I have always despised cottage cheese. It is disgusting in all ways that an object can be: visually, texturally, and tastefully. Meaning the taste is disgusting. I can’t think for the life of me why it exists.



4. Lots of cartoons have been done about the voice on GPSs, but I thought the occupation-specific nature of this one was worth visiting. The interior of this car was drawn from my memory of the dashboards of the latest Toyota Prius. They look like cockpit of a Space Shuttle and I find them intimidating. Is it possible for a car to do too much? I think it might be.


5. This was a big week for collaborations, apparently, and this one is with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like this gag and am happy with the look of the Internet hipsters as they access a band that has been around for ages: all week. Read Wayno’s interpretation of this collaboration here. I put a “Frightened Bunny” poster on the wall as a Bizarroesque tribute to one of my latest favorite bands, “Frightened Rabbit.” If you don’t know them, check out my two favorite albums, “Winter of Mixed Drinks” and “Midnight Organ Fight.”  If you want to sample one song first, try either “Swim Until You Can’t See Land,” or “Modern Leper.”

6. It is important when choosing equipment for your pet to get a size-appropriate product. I knew some people once who bought (NEVER buy! ALWAYS adopt!) a Jack Russell Terrier puppy and immediately went out to get him one of those doggy crates to sleep in at night and when they were away from home. They bought the largest size available, which is intended for Great Danes and the like. Dogs like small spaces to use as their “den.” They’re not interested in impressing the neighbors with the size of their house.


7. Back to Cliff, the King of Wordplay. This is one of my favorite bits of wordplay ever, I must say. My primary contribution to this gag was the horrified look on the wife’s face, giving the double entendre an extra punch.


8. Good lord, we’ve finally reached the end of today’s Komedy Kavalcade. In keeping with collaboration week, this one came from my good buddy, Andy Cowan, former writer for Seinfeld, Cheers, 3rd Rock From the Sun, and some other TV stuff. I’ve known a few “tripod” dogs and cats over the years so this gag has a bit of personal meaning for me. I love the idea that even with one less leg, they still have a 50% advantage over us in the leg department.

Don’t just sit there crying into your vodka, Jazz Pickles! Buy one of my books!





38 thoughts on “Weight Axe Curd Crook Band Strangle Furniture Amputee

  1. The body language of the shocked wife, watching her husband change orientation, is a brilliant addition.

    I’m proud to represent the Lollipop Guild!

    • I’ve never seen the word “tripawed” before but I like it. I’ve always called them “tripods” for obvious reasons but will adopt this new vernacular forthwith!

      • As a linguist, both words are correct. “Tripod” is a Greek compound word that means “three legs”, which is the same with “tripawed”, that is, an animal with three paws. Word games of speakers that enrich a language.

  2. The first cartoon is a nice “Spot the (7) differences” puzzle.

    Took me some time before I got the joke because of the imperial units. :)

    Thanks for the infotainment!

  3. As a proud tripawd GSD and the west coast representative for tripawds.com, a fantastic online community for tripawd dogs and their peeps, I would like to thank you for today’s Bizarro comic. You obviously know, as we do, that tripawds R.U.L.E! Three legs instead of 4? No problem! Thanks for helping to spread the good word!


    Codie Rae

  4. Dan, thank you so much for showing the world that Tripawds Rule!.

    Your comic is all the buzz in our three-legged animal community. We are so grateful for how you have gotten folks to appreciate our amazingness, instead of pitying us. THANK YOU!

    WOoo hoo! Tripawds Rule!

    • Thanks for the links! Unfortunately, my computer won’t play them for some reason. I’ve probably not got a late-enough version of some-damn-thing-or-another. Sigh.

  5. Pingback: Weight Axe Curd Crook Band Strangle Furniture Amputee « What I see, what I feel, what I'd like to see…

  6. The interior of the 2nd generation Prius was much better than the current one, in my opinion. If I had wanted a cockpit, I’d have bought an F-22. I find it funny that a criminal uses a Prius as a get away car!

  7. Cliff has done it again, and so have Jeff & Andy. Truly great company to stand among.

    The Wizard page is hilarious and beautifully drawn. I love the “spot the differences” game you’ve thrown in there. You might break into Highlights yet, my friend.

  8. Your work continues to astonish and impress me. All of these are so great. I LOVE the psycho path one, you do such funny things with glyphs.

  9. Being a former tripod owner I just love this cartoon. While dogs still have a 50% advantage over us with 3 legs they have an even greater advantage when it comes to knowing how to “live life”.

    Thanks for the cartoon.

    Loved it


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  11. Why does cottage cheese exist? Why for the same reason as chick peas, of course — as a prank.

    Now, cream cheese, on the other hand, I wouldn’t be without. How else could I have my toasted bagel with a schmear?

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  13. What if I stated there was a perfectly legitimate means to get free

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