Bizarro’s 2012 Year in Review

(To view this cartoon as big as a pink elephant, click on the barfing character’s butt.)

Very soon our tiny planet will have successfully made another revolution around the sun and I am thankful for the ability to say so without fear of prosecution. Galileo spent the rest of his life under arrest for saying the same thing in 1633, so we shouldn’t take these things for granted. In addition to that excellent news, I have had a tremendously successful year in my own life and I want to share those victories with you now.  As is done by so many others at this time of year,

I submit my list of the Greatest Moments of 2012:

January, New Year’s Day…I did not wake up with a hangover in a foreign country with no money or identification.

February…I was not a huge pop star who married Bobby Brown, took too many drugs, and drowned in a bathtub.

June…I did not find myself married to a zillionaire movie star with a psychotic devotion to perhaps the stupidest sci-fi-based religion this planet has yet to devise, and the daughter I did not have with him was not in danger of being kidnapped by other psychos of his ilk.

August…I was not banned from professional cycling for life after 7 consecutive Tour de France victories because I was a drug-taking cheater.

Nor did I talk to a chair on national television in hopes of getting people to vote for the candidate that a person who speaks incoherently to furniture thinks is best.

September…I was not running for president and a video of me saying “47% of Americans don’t pay taxes” did not go viral.

October…I was nowhere near my former home of New York City when hurricane Sandy hit, destroying the multi-million-dollar homes of several major players for the New York Giants.

November…I did not have to scrape “Romney/Ryan” bumper stickers off of my SUV.

December…I had nothing to do with and have not seen a single episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” Nor will I appear in a film with Arnold Schwarzenegger next year.

Those are the highlights of my wondrously successful year. I hope yours was even more amazing than mine. Have a grand and groovy ’13, Jazz Pickles!

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16 Responses to Bizarro’s 2012 Year in Review

  1. D. Woodhead says:

    And you didn’t drive off a cliff!

  2. Knut says:

    Congratz on a great year! Best wishes for the one that’s dawning!

  3. John Fisher says:

    But you did give us a year of great toons. Thanks.

  4. Craig L says:

    Well, D. Woodhead, not personally. But I happen to know that none of your finances this year were compared to topographical features. Nor did you incorrectly predict the end of the world (but in all fairness, neither did the REAL Mayans), publicly use the term “legitimate rape” or be seen by a billion people dancing badly in a horse stable. How are you going to top that for 2013? Anything you want!

    Whatever you celebrate this time of year, Merry Multiple Choice!

  5. Betty Grimm says:

    June–”–and a daughter I did not have with him”????????? Am I the only one who didn’t know??

  6. Stacy Carson says:

    Well not done!

  7. Alex Hallatt says:

    Great list. Love the word, “ilk”. It, and words of its ilk, don’t get used enough.

  8. Pingback: Bizarro’s 2012 Year in Review « What I see, what I feel, what I'd like to see…

  9. Jim says:

    You did vote for a president whose military policies will kill tens of thousands of innocents in the Middle East each year, Dan. That blood is on your hands.

  10. Pingback: Have a happy new year, but remember puking is for paying customers only - 22 Words

  11. Daddy Chaps says:

    Happy New Year Dan.I hope you enjoy great health and find plenty of stuff to make fun of.Laugh it up.

  12. Alex says:

    Ha, That comment on Scientology cracked me up. Can’t believe that they’re legally a religion in the U.S., tax cuts and everything!

    • Piraro says:

      Yes, it’s hilarious and tragic. In my personal opinion, no religion should be tax free in the U.S. Asking them to pay their fair share along with any other business venture is not oppression or control, it’s just common sense.

      • Alex says:

        I would agree, it seems to often these days that religions are being run like businesses. Now that I think of it, I think its always been like that.

  13. cali says:

    That is a storm drain inlet. The water flows to the creek or the bay.
    It is maintained by the city or county, not the private business there.
    Like the beach next to a shoreline hotel,
    the workers shouldn’t claim ownership up till the high water mark.
    Oop, just remembered, there are combined sewer systems where the storm runoff is also sent to the treatment plant. This is probably one of those older systems, mi culpa.

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