I thought I’d wish all of you Jazz Pickles a prosperous new year with this deadly funny message from someecards. I love that site.
It occurs to me that congratulations are certainly in order for Kim Kardashian now that she is pregnant. Once she reaches about 8 1/2 months of gestation, her baby bump will be sufficiently large enough to balance her out, allowing her to walk fully upright for the first time since she was a small child. Although she may look as though she is carrying triplets: one in front, two in back.
For those of you out there who are also breeders and are expecting some crotch fruit soon, I thought it might be nice to suggest some creative names for your consideration. Why go with “Jackson” or “Sophia” when you can go with something truly unusual? Accordingly, here is a list of first names that I collected for you while watching football over the holidays.
1. Damiere…This one is nice but keep in mind that it sounds a bit like “derrière,” so your kid may be teased by French children.
2. Darqueze…The beauty of this one is that it doesn’t sound like any other word.
3. De’Ante…If this one isn’t obscure enough for you, try De’Uncle.
4. Demarco…I see now that putting “de” or “da” in front of almost any name makes it sound better. For a touch of the newfangled mixed with tradition, choose De’Steve or Da’Phillip.
5. Demario…Excellent for fans of classic video games.
6. Demaryius…This one has a nice Roman emperor flavor.
7. Devonte…Akin to adding “de” to the beginning of any name, this one proves that you can dress up any name by adding “te” to the end. Think what it could do for drab names like “Jim” and “Rick.” Get creative!
8. Dujuan…This may be the Spanish version of “Duane,” I’m not sure.
9. Faton…This one depends on the pronunciation. Long “a”? Short “a”? Emphasis on the first syllable or the second? You decide.
10. Ja’Juan…This one also brings up pronunciation questions. Do you pronounce both “j”s as in “Jerry,” or do you pronounce both as in “Juan”? If you use one of each, which goes where?
11. Jadeveon…I have no idea how to pronounce this. It could be a good name for a new brand of jade-colored bottled water, though.
12. Jelani…This one works anywhere but Italy, where it may be too close to “gelati” and people might think you named your kid after ice cream.
13. Jessamen…Lovely name but the downside here is that people will just shorten it to “Jesse.” BORING.
14. Ka’deem…This name would be pronounced the same with or without the apostrophe, but why not go for some accessorizing?
15. Kadetrix…If you’re as big of a fan of the names of pharmaceuticals as I am, this one is a real winner.
16. Kedric…It’s like “Cedric” but if you pronounce the “c” wrong.
17. Kenarious…I also like names that sound like adjectives. “Tie that load down, it looks kenarious.”
18. Le’veon…Translated literally, this means: The Veon.
19. Lerentee…If you like the letter “e,” you pretty much can’t go wrong here.
20. Loucheiz…I don’t know how this one is pronounced but I’d go for the classic French: “lu-shaze”. But “lau-cheese” might work, too.
21. Marcedes…I like this because it reminds me of a car from Mars.
22. Marquise…This is also the name of a particular kind of ring setting. “Bezel” is another ring setting type that might make a good name.
23. Omarius…Another name with a hint of Roman Emperor to it. If you name your baby this and it grows up to rule an empire, you’ll know you did the right thing.
24. Quayvon…Here’s a good one for the child of physicists. When the quayvon is finally discovered, it will change everything we know about the universe.
25. Rantavious…Not only does this sound like an emperor, but a cranky one. Go for it.
26. Stepfan…Can’t decide between “Stephan” and “Stefan”? This is perfect.
27. Taariq…This name seems to have extra letters where it needs none and a few missing ones, too. Maybe you’d rather go phonetic with this one: Tareek.
28. Tavarres…All I know about this name is that it means more than one tavarre. I’m not sure what a tavarre is.
29. Vintavious…Maybe the best of the emperor-style names because it brings to mind absolute power and also wine.
30. Zoltan…A terrific name if your child is from outer space.
I hope this brief list has given you some good ideas for naming your home biology project. If you have any wonderful baby name ideas or have named your children creatively, feel free to leave them in the comments. (The names, not the children.)
And have a smash-bang jazztown hootenanny ’13, Jazz Pickles!
Oooh, I have to think on this one for a while. Were you being naughty or nice? Crotch fruit? Really? Hmmmmm……. Will get back to you later after I have a l-o-n-g think on this. So far, I think you’re in trouble. Hmmmmm……
I hadn’t realized ’til now that apostrophes are like the bling of written language, esp. in names. Thank you!
from
R’enna (dang, that looks sharp!)
Great list, but you left out the best of all: Barkevious!
Damn! That IS nice. Thanks for the submission.
I regularly scan the NCAA rosters while watching a game. Current favorites: La’El (surely someone from Krypton), Zurlon (the arch-nemesis of La’El?), and my new fave, Quanterrus (the pronunciation of which must be accompanied by a flourish of hands).
Delicious. My new fave is Jerqwinick. Any name in which the first syllable is “jerk” is A-1 in my book.
Regarding # 28 — “Tavarres” — am I the only one old enough to remember the musical group “Tavares” –? They were in “Saturday Night Fever,” and they did “Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel” — wonderful! If I were still of child-bearing persuasion, I might consider naming my child a slight variation on their name…! :)
A friend of mine’s whole family has Zimpok as a middle name. His dad made it up, his brothers and sister are called Zimpok in the middle, and some cousins, too, because some uncle or aunty liked the idea. So if it spreads, you know where it started.
I wish I was from that family.
My friend Shanti Zimpok is a lovely vegan. I am sure he’d be happy to adopt you.
Well, guess we’ll just have to adopt you then!
See?! If I was you, I’d say yes! There is always good food when Shanti is around! :) Plus, he lives in New Zealand, so you’ll have to come over for family gatherings :D Take care, Dan Zimpok Piraro-Aluwahlia! :)
Dan, I hope you’ve seen the classic Key & Peele skit! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gODZzSOelss
Hadn’t seen it but laughed out loud. :o)
LOL! Oh man, that’s was too funny.
Zolten Jillette is the son of Penn Jillette. As Penn sometimes seems to be from outer space, his son’s name is appropriate.
I worked with a guy years ago whose name had both the “de” sound *and* an apostrophe: D’mal. Lucky for him (and the rest of humanity), his surname wasn’t Ish.
Thanks Ja’Dante (my preference is an H sound, unless you pronounce it as a G), but Zoltan? Isn’t that Penn Jillett’s son’s name? Though cool sounding, it gets shortened to “Z” – boring.
Da_R_W_B’te
The name is a tribute to Michael Jackson: Shèmon. Another name could be Quarene…good name except when you’re being penalized for unsportsmanslike behavior.
I give you two actual names and one near-christening from our old Dallas stomping grounds, where my own dearly beloved served as primary care provider to newborns–>5 yo to two census tracts.
A mother had actually named her son LaCharleston. The spousal unit invoked the specter of a 50 year old with a beer belly who had that name on the back of his bowling shirt. The mother agreed to file a change of name and changed it to Charleston.
But there were siblings she was too late to help. They go through life with names pronounced AYbuhsee and teeNINEsee, spelled ABC and T9C. I kid you not.
Youch!
9. Faton, or more correctly Fa’ton, in greek means “eat it”, so, yes… we can go for it! :-p
“Tareek” means date (as in 01/02/2013) in Urdu. Wouldn’t make much sense to name your kid date!
Brilliant, brilliant. Too bad this list wasn’t around when my son was born, about 21 years ago. We named him Max but he could have been a Zoltan. Dang!
How about Da’Ginger. Hard g sound.
Penn Jillette’s son is named Zolten
So Stepfan could also be a fan acquired by adoption…
Commas & accent marks are popular in many names, but the dash makes appearances as well. A friend taught a child whose name was Le-a, pronounced “luh DASH uh” because the dash is NOT silent…
Genius.
We truly need to incorporate an umlaut into the mix . . .
Funny stuff!
My wife and I saw this name on a high school volleyball team roster many years ago. It’s still one of our all-time favorites:
J’Lizbeth
why stop at english?
crotch fruit translated into indonesia (because I can), the kid would be named:
selangkangan buah
it’s got just the right amount of ramalama in it, don’t ya think?
Very nice. Let’s hope it catches on!
Crotch fruit?!?!?! Dude, if I was drinking it would have been a spit take! LOL You frikkin RULE!
We actually know kids with the following names.
Lottery
Tyvek
De’range (pronounced de-Rahn-jay)
To’shay (pronounced Touché)
Sad that the parental units (singular in each case) don’t have a clue as to the real meanings.
Wow. Just, wow.
“Once she reaches about 8 1/2 months of gestation, her baby bump will be sufficiently large enough to balance her out, allowing her to walk fully upright for the first time since she was a small child.”
LOL! I’m guessing that you’re not on their invite list.
If it’s a girl, I think Du’Che might be a good choice.
Love that name! Hope they choose it.
You watch football? (Is that vegan?)
It is the way I watch it; with chips and salsa.
After reading Renna’s comment,I’m thinking Apostrophes could be a name by itself (themselves?) Maybe Greek twins?Siamese,even.Thanks,De’Steve.P.S. I’ve always like Insegrevious,too.
I guess I failed. My horse is named Daryl. To my knowledge he has no other brothers named Daryl.
I encountered this name at work, fuh reals:
La – A (pronounced La – Dash – A).
Truth
Lots of people from Eastern Europe where I live, and Zoltan is not really a very uncommon or strange name. Went to high school with two of them , back in the seventies. Olek, too.
I can abide imaginative names so long as Greek letters and Arabic numerals are used, and not vice versa (which, by the way would be a great handle). Also, please no Egyptian hieroglyphs or Chinese characters . . .
I dunno. If it’s in Unicode, it ought to be fair game!
http://www.unicode.org/charts/PDF/U13000.pdf
I’d rather my comment await immoderation, on this website . . .
Here are my eleven favorite player names from the Oregon Duck football team: Stetzon; Pharaoh; Dior; Ifo; Colt; Boseko; Bronson; Oshay; Tyson; DeForest; and Kiko……… some of these guys are really big and really good, so I’m not sure I want to make fun of their names.
Zoltan is a perfectly normal, everyday Hungarian name, comes from the Turkish word sultan (ruler). Other than that, great list!
De’A’ gnes (Why not go for two apostrophes? It does not cost anything!)
My middle name is “Rean,” it rhymes with bean, and is pretty much an invention of my family; only myself and my uncle have it, AFIK, both as middle names. My great uncle’s name was “Marinus,” (mar-REAN-us) and everyone called him Rean, hence, my middle name. The name Marinus certainly isn’t heard often anymore.
Also, my God Daughter’s name is Bastet, after the Egyptian Cat Goddess. Not my doing, but I approve.
Zoltan is actually a very common Hungarian name.
PS Can we PLEASE call an official moratorium on naming girls “Madison”?
Zoltan and Taariq are already names in widespread use, but I like all of them.
Ever want to know what would happen when Exree (X-Ray) Hipp met Majestic Mapp? Check out this list of the weirdest names in sports history: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/1203/great.names.in.sports/content.1.html
I know a Zoltan and I’m pretty sure that he’s not from outer space.
(He might be a gnome, though ;-)
Me again.
Here’s a new item about a girl in Iceland whose name isn’t on the list of official names:
http://www.mail.com/news/world/1797008-icelandic-girl-fights-to.html#.23142-stage-hero1-2
Maybe we should have a list of offically sanctioned names here.
In one of the Freakonomics books he discusses the use of these “alternative” and very “creative” names. The absolutely best example of the bunch, in my opinion, was
Shi’thead
pronounced sh teed.
I lost hope for the human race decades ago and discussions like this only confirm my dismal conclusion.
I hope you all had a Merry Consumermass and a Happy Arbitrary Calendrical Transition Day
My mother told a story of a nurse friend in the ’50s who witnessed a sadistic doctor helping a new, and ignorant, mother to name her twins. The mother took his suggestions of Syphilis (Sih-FYE-lus) and Gonorrhea (Gone-NOR-ah). I hope they did not become family traditions.
I’m pretty sure this is an urban legend but you never know.
Yep – should have checked Snopes before posting, but didn’t think of it. They have a great list under “Funny Names”, including those in my story. Legend it is!
“Ten Jar”… the way some Kiwis pronounce my name.
A friend of mine told me she was in a shopping mall once, when she heard a mother calling out after her daughter: “See-oh-baaaahn!” Poor Siobhan… mum obviously found the name in a book of baby names and had no idea how to pronounce it!
How about Dang? Gives that extra little bit of bling to “Dan”. And it’s better than “Dag”. Which means something in these parts of the world.
I know of a passionate climber who named his son “Eigernordwand”. That’s just the German word for “north face of the Eiger”, a mountain, which is considered to be one of the main alpinist’s challenges in the European alps. (I wonder whether this name sounds strange to U.S. ears in any way?)
In the sixties the same passionate climber ran a café in Seattle with the same name. Go figure.
Yes, that name would definitely sound strange to English speakers with no knowledge of German. Mostly, it is just very long to be a name.
I’ve crosschecked and I was slightly wrong. He’s only named “Eigerwand” without the north part in the middle. I guess that’s not extraordinary long any more. (And from the web I learn he seems to shorten it further to just “Eiger”; makes sense to me.)
That name sounds strange to German speakers with plenty of knowledge of German :)
Ha! I’m well aware of this!
Here you won’t be allowed to name your child like this (any “normal” word which isn’t already a name by tradition won’t be accepted) but we do have our share of weird names, too. There are websites dedicated to collecting those and there seems to be never ending supply.
As a teacher, I’ve seen my share of odd names, but the one first one that came to mind was “Lyrad”. (His dad’s name is Daryl.)
That’s an odd twist I’ve never heard of before. I’ve never been fond of the name Daryl, so I think this is an improvement.:0)
Some of the oddest names I’ve come across:
1. J’neisha…….2. Tavian…….3. Meloche Tangerine
and last but not least…
Lilly-Rose Daisy…and her last name was Gardener. I am not kidding.