Bizarro is brought to you today by Pet Connections.
I’ve lived with cats and with dogs and I like them both, but for very different reasons. Cats are much easier house guests since they don’t mind being left alone, they don’t have to be walked, and they don’t require too much attention. Unless you object to house guests who shred your furniture with their claws. Dogs are better if you want an excuse to get outside everyday whether it’s freezing cold and raining or not, if you like to play fetch and other games with non-human animals, and if you want a lot of one-on-one face time with someone who understands your language but can’t speak a word of it. They both have their benefits and most people find life more enjoyable with a companion animal or twelve.
But if you’re looking for protection in your home, dogs are the way to go. Even a chihuahua will die trying to defend you (often by attacking the ankles and eardrums of the intruder), whereas a cat will likely just be annoyed that your cries for help woke her up.
Dogs are also better for housecleaning. They’ll vacuum up anything edible that you happen to toss on the floor, so your garbage disposal ends up lasting many years longer. Cats won’t provide this service; even if they do eat something you dropped, they’ll just bring it to another room and barf it back up.
Because I’m renting at the moment (because all my money is tied up in a very expensive and childish divorce) I’m not allowed to have pets, per se. So I’ve adopted and named some of the local wildlife in my back garden: Dale the snail, Snyder the Spider, Joe the crow, Robin the robin, and Earl the squirrel.
To round this chat out with some good citizenship, NEVER buy an animal from a breeder or pet store. You can pretty much guarantee that the mother of that animal is a miserable slave to reproduction. You can get pretty much any cat or dog you want from a rescue shelter and they make better pets. Which would you rather have in your home: a snotty rich person who’s had everything handed to him since the day he was born or a person you rescued from a cage and owes you their very life? Remember, it isn’t a fashion accessory, it’s a fellow earthling.