Big Fat Scum Bear


bz panel 11-02-13bz strip 11-02-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Most Inspirational Art You May Ever See.

I’ve been a bad Jazz Pickle in Chief lately. I forgot to post this cartoon from last Saturday and I’m already two days behind on this week’s. Things have been chaotic and very busy at Bizarro International Headquarters lately. Please accept my apology, I hope it has not negatively affected your Jazz Pickle experience.

So here’s a Bigfoot cartoon that ran a couple of days after Halloween, just when a person might be showing off their “Best Costume” trophy to friends. I’m a big believer in Bigfoot, just as I believe there are still tribes of primitive Homo sapiens, yet to be touched by modern civilization, living in the hills of Arkansas. Probably all over the Deep South, come to think of it. The scariest part is that they can vote.

bz panel 11-04-13bz strip 11-04-13Now that I have you thinking about elections, did you vote today? I didn’t either. Is Obama running again? Can I drive to Alaska and vote against Sarah Palin? What about Phillip Seymour Hoffman? Is he running? I like him. Am I up for anything? I love to win stuff!






Instead, let’s talk about liposuction. This peculiar field of medical science figures heavily into the plot of one of my favorite films, “Fight Club.” If you’ve not seen it, do that now, then come back and finish this blog. A warning to the squeamish: you won’t like it so maybe don’t bother.

In the strip version, I was able to include the ‘Stache Emporium,” which relates to the whole mustache-in-every-panel-for-the-month-of-November thing, and also a reappearance of Bunny’s Pie Repair, which was popular with you JPs the last time I featured it.

bz panel 11-05-13



And since this is election day in the U.S., my cartoon today is about the sort of hypocritical scumbag we so often have the choice of voting for. Like Will Rogers, I am reticent to trust anyone willing to do what it takes to get elected in modern-day America. I know it’s always been a problem, all over the world, since politics began, but since I’m alive now, I’m going to give in to the temptation to feel that it’s worse than ever!

This gag is the brain fruit of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. Check out his elucidating comments here.





PALEOZARRO: This is a cartoon from 1997 in which I fantasized that bears may have a class in which they learn to kill a human. Gee, that seems pretty dark when you write it out in words like that. bz 01-09-07 AntiCPR


43 thoughts on “Big Fat Scum Bear

  1. Two questions:

    1) Why are human-eating bears so common in the comics, when we all know most species of bear have zero interest in killing and eating people? It has always bothered me because it makes no more sense than human-eating butterflies. Human-eating lions, sure – but bears? Come on!

    2) Where’s the mustache in the bigfoot comic? – I see beards but no mustaches.

    • 1. Because it’s funny. We don’t have “human-eating” animals in the U.S., so we use bears or sharks.
      2. You’re right. I forgot to put mustaches in this cartoon, my editor caught it and I added it later, but posted the original version here. Whoops.

    • I don’t remember it either Ginger. Like you, I don’t remember much. However, love the voting spiel… yes I did vote, but as you said mostly had to vote for the incumbent scumbags because of lack of choice. I would have voted for Hoffman and you had you been on the ballot.

      Thanks Dan for the numerous laughs today.

  2. Dan,

    Thank you for drawing another Bigfoot cartoon, though you should know it’s a single word, not two. I’m somewhat of an expert in the field, and I know how important accuracy is to you. Your depiction is fairly accurate, though there are substantial differences from what I observed. Mrs. Bloom, however, takes no stock in my sighting as she claims that seeing Bigfoot, as wells God, doesn’t count “if you’re stoned.” And I must confess, I was high as a kite that early morning in the middle of the Sierras oh those many years ago.

    But I digress. Keep up the good work!

    Your friend (at least I think so, even though you don’t return my calls or emails anymore),


  3. I love the anti-CPR class gag.

    AND since you brought up politics … I will not make a comment about how this may or may not be applied to certain lying persons not running for office at the moment, but who may have been re-elected based upon those lies and yet who may want to rewrite history such that those same lies were never told. I will also not bring up nor come to the defense of certain individuals who may or may not have run for second banana five years ago and who are not really in the news anymore yet keep being brought up unfairly as a supposed archetype of a certain mindset by a certain mindset. I will not make these comments because certain organizations may or may not know where I live and may or may not be monitoring this blog.

  4. Well, thanks for the gratuitous insult of everyone living in the southern U.S. I’ll remember your bigotry the next time I’m shopping for cartoon books.

  5. Dear Dan:

    I am working on a research paper for school regarding the use of humour to subvert class-based inequality. I am finding ample sources of humour disparaging the poor but little in the way of subversive humour against the elite. Rather than interpreting your comments regarding the people you refer who can vote, can you please tell me if you are referring to White Trash?

    Best regards,


    • I’m not referring to anyone in particular, just backwards-thinking people who are out of step with modern society. They come in all sizes, shapes, colors, and economic levels.

        • Huzzah! Pam has come to the defense of everyone she thinks you lampooned: white trash, trailer trash, dock trash, Southern trash, trash trash, trash haulers and trash cans.

          Not to mention homo sapiens, homo heidelbergensis and my favorite, homo erectus.

          And maybe documentless immigrants (although I’m sure these folks need to be hyphenated).

          Dan, how dare you try and make fun of those “yet to be touched by civilization” and yet to be touched by dictionaries?

      • Something tells me Hairy, Pam V. and Woody are in league with the Southern Tea Party Anti-Cartoon American Party.

        Party on dudes and dudettes!

        • Oh my, I left out Elaine in the Americans Against Edgy Humor Cadre!

          I’m so forgetful the last few days! I think it was the elections that left me in a dither.

          I’m astonished that 45.5% voted for the Virginia gubernatorial candidate who wanted to make oral sex illegal.

          However, since 48% voted for the guy who doesn’t want cops in the bedroom, perhaps the state should change its slogan to: “Virginia is for lovers… a slight majority of whom enjoy blowies!”

          Elaine, Hairy, Pam V. and Woody, weigh in here why don’t you? Have you guys ever “done the deed?”

          Personal stories will be appreciated!

  6. I don’t understand what it means that you are [uncommunicative] “to trust anyone willing to do what it takes to get elected .” I could understand being reluctant to trust such people.

    BTW, Dr. G., what Dan said: Brilliant.

    • I think it was local elections. I live in a tent in a canyon without any contact with the outside world so I’m not sure either.

  7. I fear your blog has become an outreach program for the outraged.

    I don’t mean to disparage anyone on the extreme right, folks who are outraged by cartoons, equal rights, people of a different color, health care for the poor and so on.

    However, mental health professionals will tell you that when mental illness sets in, the first thing to go is humor.

  8. Still no replies from Hairy, Pam V., Elaine or Woody.

    Perhaps they’re busy at a Tea Party rally.

    Or maybe they can’t get a wi-fi connection or cell signal on the Westboro Church bus…

  9. Speaking of Westboro Church, I Google mapped 3701 W. 12th Street in Topeka, KS and when I looked on Street View, was surprised to discover that someone painted a house across the street in the rainbow colors of the gay pride flag… and placed miniature rainbow flags around the perimeter of the yard!

    Interestingly, a woman and two children are in front of the house apparently having their picture taken by another woman who appears to be holding a camera.

    The Google copyright indicates this Orleans Street view was taken in April, 2013. However, the 12th Street view does not show the new paint scheme. It was recorded in September, 2012.

    Doing a little checking on the innertoob, I learned this is aptly called the Equality House and a same-sex wedding took place there across the street from the Westboro Church in June. Dang, I wish I’d gotten an invite! I would have flown out there and brought my video camera to see how the burrow folks (as in creatures who live in holes in the ground) reacted.

    Read more here and be sure to check the Press page for the Jeanne Moos/CNN news piece:

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