History Lesson


Bizarro 03-09-14 hdrWEBBizarro 03-09-14 WEB1(Click on any image to biggify it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Protecting Your Chocolate With Nails.

For centuries, people have thought that the pyramids in Egypt were burial thingies because mummies have been found inside. But archeologists have discovered that this was actually a later adaptation of the pyramids, which were originally built as ski slopes. We now know that aliens (from what is now Mexico) visited Egypt in the -23rd century and sold the local Tut on investing in what they promised would be a huge moneymaker for the region. They taught them how to build pyramids but it took them so long to complete them that the aliens lost interest before they were finished and returned home before giving them the formula for artificial snow. The gigantic construction project cost a fortune and became a huge embarrassment to the local politicians who approved it, so the locals killed them and buried them inside the phony mountains.

On a personal note, those of you who are familiar with my “hidden icons” will notice that this cartoon features the most elaborate “upside-down bird” ever.

BIZARCHEOLOGY: On this same date in 1997, the following cartoon about an innocent shopping mishap appeared in Bizarro. Note that the colors are flat and garish. This was from a time when I could not color my own cartoons on computer but instead, had to designate colors with little numbers that represent CMYK mixes for a printer to fill in. This required a lot of guesswork and I never really knew what it was going to look like until it appeared in papers.Bizarro 03-09-97 Stickup1 I hate the colors but I still really like this gag.


28 thoughts on “History Lesson

  1. I don’t understand why you don’t have the greatest following of all cartoonists. Then again, I voted for Goldwater.

      • Well, your strip is far out and freaky, and so was Goldwater….the difference is that your work has more staying power.

        I like your work very much. Your imagination and wit are very impressive, and usually win out in the “make be belly laugh” category.

        Is it permissible to share your comics on Facebook?

        • As long as you’re sharing it from your personal page and not a commercial page of some sort, it’s cool. Please link it to my blog site: bizarrocomics.com Thanks!

  2. I noticed and enjoyed the most elaborate upside-down bird ever! And its shadow… What I want to know is, what are the two guys standing on? I don’t think there’s anything nearby that would provide that particular perspective. (I know – Cartoonists’ License. Plus all I know about Egypt comes from watching Indiana Jones movies.)

    Is there also a Maxfield Parrish thing going on here?

    • I hadn’t thought of the Parrish connection, but yes, definitely. I was a huge fan of his work when I was a teenager and that certainly was an influence on the coloring here.
      Regarding what the two guys are standing on, it’s purely artistic license. Anything from that perspective would be ENORMOUS compared to the pyramids, unless it was on a formidable hillside, which that area is not known for.

  3. God, the detailing on the “Egypt”…the winding Nile, even down to the barge…beautiful.

    How long did that one take you to complete?

    What’s the average time?

    • This one took me more than five seconds. Probably from 10,800 to 14,400 seconds to draw it, then another 10,800 to color it. I don’t think I have an “average” amount of time it takes me to do a cartoon because the complexity of them varies so widely. An easy one can take me as little as an hour but I’ve spent as much as five or six hours on one.

  4. Love the upside down bird. The fact that it’s upside down means it can have a lot of variants, since we’ll still recognize it.

  5. The perspective is easy to explain: the Egyptian supervisors are standing in a borrowed vimana!

    I see the alien’s chapa’ai behind a tree in the bottom left corner of the picture. =)

  6. The ancient pyramid cartoon goes well with that story about hand-coding CMYK numbers. Maybe another cartoon can show you color-coding a cartoon while some editors discuss some grander purpose for those colors.

  7. The elaborate upside bird, which I think is an “ibis” in this case, is Amazing!

    I’m almost ashamed to say, I think I noticed it before I read the dialog. There’s also something oddly satisfying about that giant firecracker lying in the desert. Plus multiple Crowns of Power, I feel wealthy as a Pharaoh!

  8. I have been a fan for a long time and just wanted to let you know that you’re one of the reasons I started doing cartoons back in 2011. I appreciate your humor and am always impressed with your art!

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