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X-ray Hijinks

(For the making of biggerized pictures, click them with the thingy.)Bizarro 08-30-15 hdrWEBBizarro is brought to you today by Where Did I Put My Keys?

Bizarro 08-30-15 WEBSince I hate the TSA security protocols at airports so much (and commercial airlines themselves, come to think of it) I really like this gag. Three of my favorite things about it are the ancillary gags, however. The two signs near the X-ray machine and the “secret symbol” on the X-ray screen itself. Click the image to view it larger and you’ll be able to see this stuff. I also really love the title panel, which is a small part of an old Sunday cartoon I did in 2009 in collaboration with a buddy of mine, Victor Rivera.
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Rodent Transportation

For the making of a biggerized image, click said image.
Bizarro 08-23-15 HdrWEBBizarro has NOT been brought to you today by Dismaland
Bizarro 08-23-15 WEBCoincidental to the publication of my Disneyesque Cinderella cartoon, was the opening a couple days ago of a very dark, strange, and elaborate art exhibition in England by world-famous guerilla artist, Bansky, called “Dismaland.” It’s not for everyone but I find it pretty amazing, particularly this reference to Princess Diana’s death. Banksy described the show as a “family theme park unsuitable for children”. To be clear, I knew nothing of the opening of this dystopian theme park exhibition; my publishing of a Cinderella cartoon today was entirely coincidental.bz panel 08-17-15Meanwhile, back in Bizarroland, a group of cowboys are fighting it out over the only horse in town. “One horse town” is an American expression referring to any remote, rural town that is so small it only has one horse. Or, in modern times, perhaps one car. In case you didn’t know.bz panel 08-18-15My buddy, Brian Levy, recently told me he was addicted to avocados and it sparked this idea. I didn’t name the main character Brian because I didn’t want to insinuate he has a drinking problem, but he later told me he wished I had used his name anyway. That’s just how desperate Brian is for attention. :^}bz panel 08-19-15Speaking of dismal, here’s a cartoon about the sort of travesty the fine art world is regularly involved in. Everything about this cartoon except the wording of the recorded tour is entirely true. I’d love to know what art historians will have to say about 20th century art in 500 years, assuming there is still a human civilization capable of caring about art.bz panel 08-20-15I particularly like this cartoon because I enjoy wordplay and strange grammar. My partner, Olive Oyl, can attest to how often I say things in alternative ways or intentionally mispronounce words. I find it amusing but I’m sure it’s quite annoying to the people around me trying to understand what I’m talking about. This can also pass as an editorial on lousy teachers, of which there are plenty. Teaching children, especially in public schools, is grueling, unenviable work and becomes more challenging each year. I think this makes the good teachers even more admirable and the lousy ones more understandable.
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Deadly Sins of Humor

Click any image to embiggenate it.Bizarro 08-16-15 hdrWEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Fashion Trends of the Universe.
Bizarro 08-16-15 WEBI hope you find this gag as humorous as I do. I was musing one day about Disney’s Seven Dwarves and the general personality types evident in their names and suddenly made a leap to the Catholic Church’s ancient seven deadly sins, which are wrath, sloth, greed, gluttony, pride, envy, and lust. So I came up with seven dwarf-like names for each of these vices and I had a cartoon. I badly wanted “Frisky” to be named “Horny,” but that word is too scary for newspaper funny pages. bz panel 08-10-15Following is last week’s roundup, starting with this cartoon about the ultra eco-friendly Flintstone mobile. It is said that everything comes back into style eventually and the way our little life raft’s climate is changing, we may all be living in the Stone Age again one day.  bz panel 08-11-15This cartoon about an auction house harkens back to another famous Disney animated film, Cinderella. You may recall that her carriage on that magical night was made from a pumpkin and the horses that pulled it were rats or mice. Memory fails.bz panel 08-12-15I’m no more certain of what this sheep cartoon means than you probably are, so I’ll just let it sit and be whatever you want it to be. bz panel 08-13-15Since I was a child I’ve questioned our species’ shame over our bodies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a nudist and am just as vulnerable to feelings of embarrassment about such things as the average person because that’s the way I was raised, but I am able to intellectually see the ridiculousness of it. To me, it is clearly an attempt to control our sexuality, which became more important around 10,000 years ago when agriculture was invented and people began “owning” things and thus wanting to pass them down to their own offspring. I’m convinced that before that humans were much more liberal sexually, which is closer to our biological nature. That’s why monogamy is so difficult for most of us. For more fascinating info on this kind of thing, read “Sex at Dawn” by Christopher Ryan.bz panel 08-14-15This is a simple turn-around joke but I still really like it. A “lap dog” could either be one that sits on your lap or one that has a lap you could sit on. In the bottom corner you’ll notice a birthday message to my lovely life partner, Olive Oyl. I did that because it was her birthday. Since we are both motorcycle enthusiasts, we took a ride on our bikes to a small, SoCal town and spent the night in a campy old motel that has been renovated for hipsters like us. It was fun. bz panel 08-15-15My Saturday gag for the week is about a lazy musician’s clever invention. I love that it works as a graphic because that’s how you’d draw a fast moving bow, but in reality, it wouldn’t look like it was moving at all. Hahaha. My eldest daughter, Krapuzar, was a pretty talented violinist as a kid and I still occasionally think of violin gags as a result.
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Tell Your Grandkids About It

If you’re like me, you hope you have some great stories to tell your grandkids someday. And what could be more fun than to show them your name in a book of dirty jokes?

My besty, Cliff (known to Jazz Pickles as Cliff Harris The King Of Worldplay, a sort-of regular collaborator of mine on gags like this one) has put together a very charming and chuckly book of jokes that sound dirty and needs our help to get it off the ground. Spend a couple minutes watching his video and you’ll see what I mean. And here’s the cool part: if you give a few bucks to his project, he’ll put your name in the book! (Mine will be there!)
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Hidden Treasures

 

If you’ve missed it, there is only one day left to grab one of my favorite and most popular cartoons on a T-shirt while donating to Roots and Shoots, a kid’s program at the Jane Goodall Institute. A percentage of all sales go to JGI and they promised to use it to teach kids to be better stewards of the planet than our species has previously managed. Hooray! Have a look now, then come back for the weekly roundup of my cartoons!
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One of My Faves

One of my favorite and most popular cartoons (among people who are not jackasses to the planet) is available on T-shirts until Monday, August 10, 2015 ONLY!  A portion of the proceeds will go to Roots & Shoots, an educational kid’s program run by the Jane Goodall Institute. Have a look and grab and shirt before it’s too late! And please forward the link to your adoring masses in any way you can!
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Parabolic Cartoonery

Before I get to this week’s cartoons, I’d like to tell you about this T-shirt campaign featuring one of my most popular cartoons. A portion of the proceeds benefit “Roots & Shoots,” a kid’s program at the Jane Goodall Institute. Only ONE WEEK LEFT in the campaign, then the shirt is gone for good! Thanks! Have a look now, then come back. And don’t hesitate to “like,” tweet, forward, etc. it so that other’s may find out about it, too!Bizarro12-30-07DevolutionWEBBizarro is brought to you today by Church Humor?Bizarro 08-02-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 08-02-15 WEBThis Sunday cartoon is a long and winding road and you’ll likely need to enlarge it to get the most out of it. Do that by clicking it. On my computer, I have to click it, then reload the page it goes to before it appears. No idea why; computer voodoo, I guess.
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Get Your Name in a Great Book!

The King of Wordplay wants to put your name in his book! 

Amaze your friends. Stun your enemies. Be a part of Cliff Harris’s kickstarter campaign and help bring dirty jokes to the world!

BIHENH Front Cover rgb 300 dpi (1)My buddy and long-time collaborator, Cliff Harris, known to many of you Jazz Pickles as the King of Wordplay, will be publishing his first book soon. He needs some help with getting the book the national attention it deserves so he’s started a Kickstarter campaign. The book is a collection of double-meaning jokes that turn ordinary phrases into dirty jokes.  You can get a sense of Cliff’s remarkable skills with word-play in the examples of Bizarro gags that he wrote over the past few years. (see below) These gags are NOT in his new book, I’m just posting them to remind you how clever he can be.

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T-shirt to Benefit Jane Goodall Institute

The Bizarro cartoon below has gone viral many times on various social media sites so we decided since so many people respond to its message, we’d make a T-shirt out of it. It’s for sale for two weeks only, so order one before you forget and the campaign ends!

20% of the sales goes to Jane Goodall Institute‘s global youth-led community action program, Roots and Shoots. Makes a great gift for yourself or others, plus it supports teaching kids to do a better job of stewardship than we have. It’s a win/win!
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A Bird in the Hand

ATTENTION: IF YOU’VE COME HERE FOR THE T-SHIRT CAMPAIGN THAT BENEFITS THE JANE GOODALL INSTITUTE, CLICK HERE!

Bizarro is brought to you today by Lifestyle Choices.Bizarro 07-26-15 hdrWEBBizarro 07-26-15 WEBRegarding the above cartoon, one reader left the following comment: “The idea of advocating romantic relationships between species is disgusting and exactly what the Christian Right predicted would happen if we legalized gay marriage!” Okay, that reader was me, but I wish I’d gotten that complaint because it’s funny.bz panel 07-20-15I’ve long called martial arts “the pajama arts” but I mean no insult by it. I find it fascinating that a barefooted person wearing pajamas can beat the crap out of someone with a baseball bat, wearing protective gear and ass-kicking boots. Or at least, that’s how it happens in the movies.bz panel 07-21-15This coffee gag is one that has doubtless been thought of a million times and I did a version of it way back in the early 90s myself. But it’s fun, people like it, and my job is to amuse my readers not stroke my own ego with my clever originality, so here it is.
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