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Dogs Who Drive

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(For readers who wish to embiggenate these images, click any blue-colored thing.)Bizarro 06-05-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Perhaps The Best Option.

Here’s a fun take on distracted driving, which has always been a major public safety issue and is getting worse all the time. It is estimated that over 600% of all accidents caused by teenaged drivers are the result of cell phone use. No, that math does not make sense, but teenagers aren’t any good at math, either, which is another big problem with this country. How are they going to repair the desolate wasteland we are leaving them if they are too busy texting to do the math? See what I’m saying?

Too Many Babies

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(To embiggenate any cartoon, hold down your breakfast and click any yellowish color thrice.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Click Bait of the Week.

If you’re a person who is uncomfortable being honest about sex with your children, this cartoon is an excellent way to teach them about reproduction. It’s a bit more accurate than the old “stork” story, and in a court of law you could argue that it is technically true; babies come from inside the mother. Of course, if you do use this as a teaching tool for your children, prepare to be raising your grandchildren in a few years because their parents are still in middle school.

Basket Drivers

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(To instigate the embiggification process, click a limb of any mammal in any image.)Bizarro 01-17-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Fortune Telling Cartoons.

Today’s double-wide Sunday cartoon is simple but I like it. You may need to click the cartoon to instigate the embiggification process in order to fully get the gag.

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I don’t fish anymore and have no interest in it but I used to as a kid so I know of what I speak. I suspect the lack of activity is exactly what many avid fishermen like. I don’t eat fish, either, and never have in any large quantities because I can’t stand the way anything that lives in water tastes. That includes all species of fish (saltwater or freshwater) shellfish, squid, octopus, and seaweed. It all has the same horrendous, foul, rotted-flesh taste to me. I’ve tried many times over the course of my life to learn to like it but have come to the conclusion that my revulsion toward it is genetically programmed. I also firmly believe that the oceans are being systematically destroyed by commercial fishing and since the oceans are the engine of weather on our planet, the prognosis isn’t good. I also dislike the fact that fish are left to suffocate when we catch them. It has always bothered me that there is no way to put a fish out of its misery quickly and humanely. Oops. I just took all the fun out of this cartoon, didn’t I? Sorry.

Institutional Solopsism

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(To add embiggenation to these cartoons, click any pinkish color within any image.)Bizarro 01-10-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Precious Moments.

I almost never write cartoons based on actual experiences but this one is an exception. I was sitting in a cafe one day having lunch with my beloved Olive Oyl, and in a booth in the corner was a young millennial couple doing what young lovers that age do: staring into their cell phones and completely ignoring each other. (This is the new look of courting, and wow, is it hot.) Suddenly, the young man said quietly and blandly, “selfie,” and they both came to life like corpses hooked up to a generator. They posed as though they were having the wildest time two humans could muster without being arrested, held it for 2.4 seconds, then went back to their cell phone comas as though it had never happened. I don’t think they spoke another word to each other or moved more than a degree or two in either direction until they left. I whispered “thank you” to the universe for dropping such a perfect cartoon into my lap.

Turkey Toys

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(To enlargefy any image, click any character’s nose.)Bizarro 12-13-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Poor Timing.

During the month of December, I’ll be featuring some of my favorite holiday Bizarro cartoons from years past under most of the blue links in my posts, so don’t miss them!

This cartoon glimpse inside Santa’s Workshop was based on a fleeting idea about turkeys posing as elves in an attempt to avoid being eaten on Thanksgiving. I’m not certain the concept is funny in and of itself, but I thought the drawing might be amusing enough to save it. I enjoyed drawing turkeys trying to manage tools with their cumbersome wings as hands. There are six of my “secret symbols” in this drawing, one of which is a toy one of the elves is working on, which is funny to me. If you’re not familiar with the Bizarro Secret Symbols, have a lookit this and be forever changed. (Sorry, that wasn’t a holiday BIzarro cartoon from the past but the next link will be.)

Sea of Serious

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(And when the illustration of the escaping Israelites was clicked, the Lord embiggenated it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sibling Rivalries of the Bible.
Bizarro 10-04-15 WEBEver wonder what those crazy stories in the Old Testament (or Torah) mean? Neither do I, but they are fun to do cartoons about and since it was supposed to have happened so long ago, very few people will say, “Too soon.” One might also wonder if this cartoon was created to mirror the current refugee crisis in the Middle East and Europe and the answer would be no, not directly. Pretty much any time one does a cartoon about escaping refugees, there’s going to be a group of refugees somewhere in the real world. Sadly, humans have a fairly consistent habit of treating each other horribly and keeping each other on the run.

Hillbilly Physics

Bizarro 09-27-15 hdrWEB(To enlargenize the cartoon below, just click the city boy’s spleen.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creepy Mannequins.Bizarro 09-27-15 WEBI’ll start today by saying I really love the title panel at top. It was cobbled out of a piece of an old Sunday cartoon of mine from ’08 which is one of my favorites. You can see it here. The “City Boy” cartoon itself is another of my favorite concepts. I actually published this idea several decades ago as a weekday cartoon but it was before cartoons were featured on the web and before I had learned to color my own work for print in Photoshop. SO –– I couldn’t resist redoing it with better art and color. I hope you enjoy the creepy goodness of the bottom-lit hillbillies.

X-ray Hijinks

(For the making of biggerized pictures, click them with the thingy.)Bizarro 08-30-15 hdrWEBBizarro is brought to you today by Where Did I Put My Keys?

Bizarro 08-30-15 WEBSince I hate the TSA security protocols at airports so much (and commercial airlines themselves, come to think of it) I really like this gag. Three of my favorite things about it are the ancillary gags, however. The two signs near the X-ray machine and the “secret symbol” on the X-ray screen itself. Click the image to view it larger and you’ll be able to see this stuff. I also really love the title panel, which is a small part of an old Sunday cartoon I did in 2009 in collaboration with a buddy of mine, Victor Rivera.

One of My Faves

One of my favorite and most popular cartoons (among people who are not jackasses to the planet) is available on T-shirts until Monday, August 10, 2015 ONLY!  A portion of the proceeds will go to Roots & Shoots, an educational kid’s program run by the Jane Goodall Institute. Have a look and grab and shirt before it’s too late! And please forward the link to your adoring masses in any way you can!

Yuck It Up!

Bizarro 05-03-15 hdrWEb(For a bigger-looking cartoon, click it!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Millennial Confusion.

If you’ve ever been to the taping of a TV show, you know that those with live audiences are driven like slaves building the pyramids to laugh and applaud and hoot and holler and gasp Bizarro 05-03-15 WEBand whistle as though they’re having the times of their lives. The less funny the show is, the harder the audience wrangler has to work. It’s just one more aspect of TV that isn’t what it seems, like the scripting and multiple takes on “reality” TV shows. While I think this is notable and funny, I don’t actually think it is wrong. TV shows of this sort are theater, and by definition, aren’t meant to be real.

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