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Monkey School

Every so often I do a cartoon that attracts a certain amount of angry mail. Normally it is for something I didn’t do that the reader misunderstood or something I did unintentionally, like using a word I didn’t know was a hot button for a certain group. The following bit of angry mail relates to the cartoon below and is a new category for me so I thought I’d share it, lest you have “innocent, impressionable children” at home and you should want to protect panel 08-31-15

Moving Experience

Bizarro 09-06-15 hdrWEB

(For a larger viewing experience of the cartoon below so you can find its NINE secret symbols, clickify it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sore Throat Treatments of the Future.

Bizarro 09-06-15 WEBI got this idea because I used to live in a huge apartment building and it seemed there was always someone using the elevators to move in or out. It was like cramming yourself into someone’s tiny living room for a few seconds to get to your floor and it happened so often I began to wonder if they were living in there. Thought it was kind of funny.

X-ray Hijinks

(For the making of biggerized pictures, click them with the thingy.)Bizarro 08-30-15 hdrWEBBizarro is brought to you today by Where Did I Put My Keys?

Bizarro 08-30-15 WEBSince I hate the TSA security protocols at airports so much (and commercial airlines themselves, come to think of it) I really like this gag. Three of my favorite things about it are the ancillary gags, however. The two signs near the X-ray machine and the “secret symbol” on the X-ray screen itself. Click the image to view it larger and you’ll be able to see this stuff. I also really love the title panel, which is a small part of an old Sunday cartoon I did in 2009 in collaboration with a buddy of mine, Victor Rivera.

Rodent Transportation

For the making of a biggerized image, click said image.
Bizarro 08-23-15 HdrWEBBizarro has NOT been brought to you today by Dismaland
Bizarro 08-23-15 WEBCoincidental to the publication of my Disneyesque Cinderella cartoon, was the opening a couple days ago of a very dark, strange, and elaborate art exhibition in England by world-famous guerilla artist, Bansky, called “Dismaland.” It’s not for everyone but I find it pretty amazing, particularly this reference to Princess Diana’s death. Banksy described the show as a “family theme park unsuitable for children”. To be clear, I knew nothing of the opening of this dystopian theme park exhibition; my publishing of a Cinderella cartoon today was entirely panel 08-17-15Meanwhile, back in Bizarroland, a group of cowboys are fighting it out over the only horse in town. “One horse town” is an American expression referring to any remote, rural town that is so small it only has one horse. Or, in modern times, perhaps one car. In case you didn’t panel 08-18-15My buddy, Brian Levy, recently told me he was addicted to avocados and it sparked this idea. I didn’t name the main character Brian because I didn’t want to insinuate he has a drinking problem, but he later told me he wished I had used his name anyway. That’s just how desperate Brian is for attention. :^}bz panel 08-19-15Speaking of dismal, here’s a cartoon about the sort of travesty the fine art world is regularly involved in. Everything about this cartoon except the wording of the recorded tour is entirely true. I’d love to know what art historians will have to say about 20th century art in 500 years, assuming there is still a human civilization capable of caring about panel 08-20-15I particularly like this cartoon because I enjoy wordplay and strange grammar. My partner, Olive Oyl, can attest to how often I say things in alternative ways or intentionally mispronounce words. I find it amusing but I’m sure it’s quite annoying to the people around me trying to understand what I’m talking about. This can also pass as an editorial on lousy teachers, of which there are plenty. Teaching children, especially in public schools, is grueling, unenviable work and becomes more challenging each year. I think this makes the good teachers even more admirable and the lousy ones more understandable.

Deadly Sins of Humor

Click any image to embiggenate it.Bizarro 08-16-15 hdrWEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Fashion Trends of the Universe.
Bizarro 08-16-15 WEBI hope you find this gag as humorous as I do. I was musing one day about Disney’s Seven Dwarves and the general personality types evident in their names and suddenly made a leap to the Catholic Church’s ancient seven deadly sins, which are wrath, sloth, greed, gluttony, pride, envy, and lust. So I came up with seven dwarf-like names for each of these vices and I had a cartoon. I badly wanted “Frisky” to be named “Horny,” but that word is too scary for newspaper funny pages. bz panel 08-10-15Following is last week’s roundup, starting with this cartoon about the ultra eco-friendly Flintstone mobile. It is said that everything comes back into style eventually and the way our little life raft’s climate is changing, we may all be living in the Stone Age again one day.  bz panel 08-11-15This cartoon about an auction house harkens back to another famous Disney animated film, Cinderella. You may recall that her carriage on that magical night was made from a pumpkin and the horses that pulled it were rats or mice. Memory panel 08-12-15I’m no more certain of what this sheep cartoon means than you probably are, so I’ll just let it sit and be whatever you want it to be. bz panel 08-13-15Since I was a child I’ve questioned our species’ shame over our bodies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a nudist and am just as vulnerable to feelings of embarrassment about such things as the average person because that’s the way I was raised, but I am able to intellectually see the ridiculousness of it. To me, it is clearly an attempt to control our sexuality, which became more important around 10,000 years ago when agriculture was invented and people began “owning” things and thus wanting to pass them down to their own offspring. I’m convinced that before that humans were much more liberal sexually, which is closer to our biological nature. That’s why monogamy is so difficult for most of us. For more fascinating info on this kind of thing, read “Sex at Dawn” by Christopher panel 08-14-15This is a simple turn-around joke but I still really like it. A “lap dog” could either be one that sits on your lap or one that has a lap you could sit on. In the bottom corner you’ll notice a birthday message to my lovely life partner, Olive Oyl. I did that because it was her birthday. Since we are both motorcycle enthusiasts, we took a ride on our bikes to a small, SoCal town and spent the night in a campy old motel that has been renovated for hipsters like us. It was fun. bz panel 08-15-15My Saturday gag for the week is about a lazy musician’s clever invention. I love that it works as a graphic because that’s how you’d draw a fast moving bow, but in reality, it wouldn’t look like it was moving at all. Hahaha. My eldest daughter, Krapuzar, was a pretty talented violinist as a kid and I still occasionally think of violin gags as a result.

Hidden Treasures


If you’ve missed it, there is only one day left to grab one of my favorite and most popular cartoons on a T-shirt while donating to Roots and Shoots, a kid’s program at the Jane Goodall Institute. A percentage of all sales go to JGI and they promised to use it to teach kids to be better stewards of the planet than our species has previously managed. Hooray! Have a look now, then come back for the weekly roundup of my cartoons!

Parabolic Cartoonery

Before I get to this week’s cartoons, I’d like to tell you about this T-shirt campaign featuring one of my most popular cartoons. A portion of the proceeds benefit “Roots & Shoots,” a kid’s program at the Jane Goodall Institute. Only ONE WEEK LEFT in the campaign, then the shirt is gone for good! Thanks! Have a look now, then come back. And don’t hesitate to “like,” tweet, forward, etc. it so that other’s may find out about it, too!Bizarro12-30-07DevolutionWEBBizarro is brought to you today by Church Humor?Bizarro 08-02-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 08-02-15 WEBThis Sunday cartoon is a long and winding road and you’ll likely need to enlarge it to get the most out of it. Do that by clicking it. On my computer, I have to click it, then reload the page it goes to before it appears. No idea why; computer voodoo, I guess.

A Bird in the Hand


Bizarro is brought to you today by Lifestyle Choices.Bizarro 07-26-15 hdrWEBBizarro 07-26-15 WEBRegarding the above cartoon, one reader left the following comment: “The idea of advocating romantic relationships between species is disgusting and exactly what the Christian Right predicted would happen if we legalized gay marriage!” Okay, that reader was me, but I wish I’d gotten that complaint because it’s panel 07-20-15I’ve long called martial arts “the pajama arts” but I mean no insult by it. I find it fascinating that a barefooted person wearing pajamas can beat the crap out of someone with a baseball bat, wearing protective gear and ass-kicking boots. Or at least, that’s how it happens in the panel 07-21-15This coffee gag is one that has doubtless been thought of a million times and I did a version of it way back in the early 90s myself. But it’s fun, people like it, and my job is to amuse my readers not stroke my own ego with my clever originality, so here it is.

Fleeing Fleas

Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Offices!Bizarro 07-19-15 hdrWEBBizarro 07-19-15 WEBI hope you enjoy this version of the popular horror story meme wherein a traveling couple’s car breaks down and they have to ask a scary person if they can spend the night in that person’s farmhouse, castle, etc. The setup is a bit outdated now that cell phones have been invented but I suppose you could always claim there’s no reception in that area because of inherent evil or something. (Note: I put a little extra work on the reflection in the hardwood floors so please take a moment to enjoy that.)bz panel 07-13-15I’m sure one or more cats are actually running for president next year but I suspect that, as usual, The Man won’t let them on the ballot. This is entirely because cats cannot be bought by panel 07-14-15I have out-of-body experiences every single day, but it’s always involving other people’s bodies. Something to think about. bz panel 07-15-15I’ve always thought the coolest thing about porcupines is that when threatened, they can throw their quills outward from their body. Much like our “goosebumps” or “gooseflesh,” but with panel 07-16-15Yes, I know I have a bug up my ass about unnecessarily large vehicles and I’ve done a lot of cartoons about that. Here’s another one. The salesman is unnecessarily large, too, but that’s a whole other issue about the American industrialized food system.

Joining Twins


Bizarro is brought to you today by A Visit To A Town In Arkansas Called Flippin.Bizarro 07-12-15 hdr Bizarro 07-12-15 WEBHere’s an odd bit of punctuation fun. If you’re not familiar with punctuation and have never (or rarely) used it, it’s those little dots and dashes that sometime squeeze themselves in between words or hover magically above them. In this case, the little dash after the last “E” in Siamese is called a “comma” and changes the meaning of the caption. Without it, it would not be referring to a cat, which it is, but would instead lead one to believe I had used an outdated, non-PC term for conjoined twins. Which I have not. In spite of the impression your 7th grade English teacher gave you, punctuation can be panel 07-06-15Way back last Monday I published this cartoon about mice. Part of what’s funny about it is that mice don’t wear clothes or enter the medical profession. bz panel 07-07-15At the risk of sounding immodest, I really like this little bait-and-switch optical illusion cartoon or whatever you want to call it. I think tiny people inside of desk intercoms are panel 07-08-15For the most part, critics have been kind to me over the years. One key, of course, is that critics don’t critique cartoonists very often. The worst thing about critics, however, is that they feel they MUST say something negative, even in a positive review, to avoid the impression that they are ass-kissing. Lousy ones do little more than trash panel 07-09-15This witch/cop cartoon is another grammar-related thing, I guess. Some people think wordplay is lowbrow but I like it under certain circumstance. bz panel 07-10-15If you’ve ever had a chicken bone in your throat, this cartoon needs no panel 07-11-15This cartoon came to me as I was thinking about the story of Little Red Riding Hood. In the original story, as I recall, the wolf eats the grandma, nearly eats LRRH, then a woodsman shows up, cuts open the wolf and pulls the grandma out of its stomach thus saving her life. I think this is a terrible story to tell children because it inaccurately teaches them that wolves do not chew their food.

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