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King Duane

Bizarro 11-22-15 hdrWEB

(For an embiggenated view, click the vaccuum cleaner.)Bizarro 11-22-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The History of Thanksgiving (USA)

My beloved Olive Oyl and I were discussing the current terrorism/refugee crisis and it occurred to us that what we really need right now is an alien invasion to unite the people of Earth against a common foe. Of course, substituting one set of problems for another isn’t a very good solution, but it would be nice (for once) to see people realizing that there are bigger issues in the universe than whether or not everyone else is praying to the same imaginary magic person in the sky as they are.

Foot Odor

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(If you enjoy the embiggenation of cartoons, click on them.)Bizarro 10-25-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Seats Are Cheaper On The Wing.

There have been a few “Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe” cartoons over the span of my 87 year career as a cartoonist and this is arguably one of them. Here is another one that is built on the same premise but leaves less to the imagination.

Sea of Serious

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(And when the illustration of the escaping Israelites was clicked, the Lord embiggenated it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sibling Rivalries of the Bible.
Bizarro 10-04-15 WEBEver wonder what those crazy stories in the Old Testament (or Torah) mean? Neither do I, but they are fun to do cartoons about and since it was supposed to have happened so long ago, very few people will say, “Too soon.” One might also wonder if this cartoon was created to mirror the current refugee crisis in the Middle East and Europe and the answer would be no, not directly. Pretty much any time one does a cartoon about escaping refugees, there’s going to be a group of refugees somewhere in the real world. Sadly, humans have a fairly consistent habit of treating each other horribly and keeping each other on the run.

Moving Experience

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(For a larger viewing experience of the cartoon below so you can find its NINE secret symbols, clickify it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sore Throat Treatments of the Future.

Bizarro 09-06-15 WEBI got this idea because I used to live in a huge apartment building and it seemed there was always someone using the elevators to move in or out. It was like cramming yourself into someone’s tiny living room for a few seconds to get to your floor and it happened so often I began to wonder if they were living in there. Thought it was kind of funny.

Dummy Drawings

Bizarro is brought to you today by Horse In The Road.

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I’ve been on holiday for a couple weeks (SO rare for me!) and so now that I’m back at headquarters I feel as though I’ve been thrown from a speeding car onto a highway full of emails. Ugh.

Meanwhile, here are the cartoons that published while I was away and that I’ve not posted here yet.Bizarro 06-28-15 WEBBreaking up is never fun, even when one of you is made of wood and plastic. Bizarro 07-05-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 07-05-15 WEbHere’s another in my ongoing series of Sunday Punnies, which are puns that readers send to me and I figure out a funny way to illustrate them. Congrats to Dennis Barley, Kelly Cox, and Ed Saugstad for submitting this batch! Side note: The bunny in the title panel and at the top left of the Sunday Punnies is not the usual Bizarro Bunny, but her boyfriend, Sterphen. (That’s not a typo, that’s how he spells his name.)

Silly Sauce

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Dad and Me in 1974.Bizarro 06-21-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 06-21-15 WEBIf you’re wondering what this gag is about, it may be because you don’t know that an Appaloosa is a popular breed of horse. I only know this because I watched a lot of westerns with my dad when I was a kid, which, from my perspective, makes this a good cartoon for Father’s Day. Over the years I’ve often put a “Happy Father’s Day, Dad!” message along the border of my cartoons for this day but in this case I was unaware it would be Father’s Day when this published (I’m required to submit Sunday cartoons many weeks ahead of the print date) so it didn’t happen. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Dad!bz panel 06-15-15I’m not normally jealous of the lives of cats, but when I see them sleeping I often wish I could be as comfortable as they obviously are. The key is flexibility, I think, and I’ve never been a flexible person. I’ve been taking yoga a few times a week now for nearly three years and though I’ve improved a LOT, I’m still not very flexible by human standards. Just genetically cursed in that regard, I panel 06-16-15This dental one is a goofy gag and a goofy drawing but it made me chuckle so I offer it to you. Sometimes goofy is just what I need. On a side note, “Gene” seems like a terribly “white” name, doesn’t it? I’m guessing there aren’t many black men named panel 06-17-15One of the things I enjoyed about the many westerns I watched as a kid was the seemingly magical ability of Indians to track people. I especially liked it when they would put their ear to the ground and tell you how many riders were coming and how close they were. What?! I’m guessing that was a Hollywood fabrication but maybe some people could actually do that, what do I know?bz panel 06-18-15I like this gag a lot because I’ve always thought that the “official” American attitude towards sex and nudity causes a lot more problems than it solves. Having been raised in such a sexually repressive and puritanical society, I find myself uncomfortable with it, too, but that doesn’t keep me from seeing how ridiculous it is. Like author Chris Ryan, PhD., (Sex at Dawn) I suspect that the societal sexual oppression of teenage boys is what causes a lot of misogyny and abuse of women. If teenagers (of both sexes) were allowed to experiment with sex with proper birth control and disease protection, but without the negative stigma of labels like “slut” and all the antiquated religious nonsense that we’ve whipped up over the centuries, people would be better adjusted and society would be subjected to less aberrant behavior. Just my humble panel 06-19-15I first submitted this cartoon back in the 2000s, during W. Bush’s presidency and amid his whirlwind of lies about Iraq. My editor at that time wouldn’t let me publish it because he said I couldn’t say, in effect, that the president was full of shit, as it would lead to cancellations in conservative markets. Times have changed, however, and this time the cartoon sailed through without so much as an eyebrow twitch. I don’t know if it is because liberals are much less sensitive to derision than their conservative counterparts (which I believe is true) or if it is just a less controversial notion that all politicians lie. Back then, many Americans were on a patriotic witchhunt for anyone not supporting the war, too, so that might have been part of it. The editor who made that decision passed away some years ago so I can’t ask panel 06-20-15My last offering this week is this lovely festival queen. No back story here, just a little giggle.

An Open Letter to the Supreme Court

bizarro 05-03-13GayAirplaneWEBTry as I might to stay out of politics in my comics, some issues just grab me by the throat and force my hand. This is one such issue.

No matter how long I live I don’t think I’ll ever understand why anyone cares who anyone else marries.

Personally, I don’t think the government should be involved in marriage issues whatsoever. Marriage should be left to the individuals entering into it: a civil contract, an agreement on a handshake, a religious ceremony if you like, a costume party in the woods, whatever makes sense to the people doing it. But the government’s interest in the institution is entirely misplaced in this day and age. Why do married people get tax breaks, special treatment from hospitals and insurance companies, or any special treatment at all from anyone, unless the powers-that-be are trying to direct and control society to their own end? We know from history that this never turns out well for the rest of us.

Sex Preachin’

bizarro 04-05-15 hdrWEb1Bizarro 04-05-15 WEB(Hankerin’ for a bigger look? Click the cartoons.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sex.

All of the cartoons from this week are self explanatory (as a cartoon should be) but I have a few things to say about the last one posted here: two ladies at a sidewalk cafe talking about an old boyfriend. I suggest you read all of these cartoons, then come back here for my commentary.

Tower of Titters

Bizarro 02-22-15 hdr Bizarro 02-22-15 WEB1(Indulge your desire to embiggenate these cartoons by clicking them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Scaring a Child to Death.

It’s Oscar night tonight and this cartoon satirizes the Academy’s habit of showing a short video of the showbiz people who have died since the last Oscar ceremony. But I used an alternate meaning of the word “lost” and applied it to a famous fictional character who is perennially just that. That’s it. No secret meanings or messages. (I got asked if this was in reference to the Charlie Hebdo event.)

bz panel 12-22-14bz strip 12-22-14bz panel 12-23-14bz strip 12-23-14bz panel 12-24-14bz strip 12-24-14bz panel 12-25-14bz strip 12-25-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Scary Christmas and Santa’s Package.

This week brings four holiday cartoons for your end-of-year enjoyment. I’m  not one who adheres to the religious celebration of Jesus but I’ve long been bothered by the tacky commercial-ization of Christmas in America. To my sensibilities it’s noisy and ugly no matter what the reason, but the fact that it is all supposedly in honor of one of the least materialistic characters in modern times makes it even more unpalatable.  I stopped participating in it back in the early 90s, announcing politely to my friends and family that I wouldn’t be sending cards or giving gifts anymore and did not expect any. On the increasingly rare occasion when I do get a gift, I accept graciously, of course. I’m not trying to be an ass about it, I just don’t want to play anymore. I’ve found it very liberating.

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