Jobs Imposter Indians Indians

bz panel 07-14-14bz strip 07-14-14bz panel 07-15-14bz strip 07-15-14bz panel 07-16-14bz strip 07-16-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Immigration Ego Battles.

This first cartoon was inspired by the fact that I’ve got a couple of very smart, hardworking, talented, adult daughters who found it very difficult to find meaningful work when they graduated college. Of course, their degrees in 16th century transportation innovations of the Berbers, and Poetry of the Malagasy Republic may have something to do with it, but still. You’d think someone would want to hire these amazing young women that I personally groomed to be valuable contributors to the planet. Even so, I’m happy to report that both are living indoors and eating daily and that neither has ever worked for life-destroying corporations like McDonalds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In our Cap’n Crunch vs. The Bus Driver cartoon, my buddy Andy and I muse about an alternative meaning to the “Not in Service” sign on the front of off-duty buses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was a kid I often wondered how two peoples from different parts of the world were both called “Indians.” There was no Internet when I was a child, neither of my parents spoke English and we lived in a remote cabin in Siberia, so there was no way for me to find out until much later. Here now, all these years later, is a cartoon about it. (Yes, I know that “Indian” is not the moniker of choice for living descendants of those people who first inhabited the Western Hemisphere, but that’s not what this cartoon is about anyway, so keep your sanctimony for another time.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

BIZOMBIES: Here’s another take from 2004 on the Indian vs. Indian debate. I like this one a lot and it remains one of my favorite cartoons of mine ten years later. I hope it brings some small corner of your brain some momentary pleasure. (For a larger view, click the elephant’s butt.)Bizarro RealIndian 03-28-04WEB

32 Comments | Posted in classic Bizarros, daily Bizarros, history | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sunday Punnies #35

Bizarro 07-13-14 hedrWEbBizarro 07-13-14 WEB(To see an enbigginated version of any of these cartoons, tap them with your clicker.)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Self Defense Advice.

Here is number 35 in my series of “Sunday Punnies,” which are puns donated by readers, then expertly interpreted and illustrated by the best artist I could find without leaving my house. Congrats this time goes to Jay Branscomb, Cliff Harris (yes, The King of Wordplay), and Martin Baker.  If you have an original pun that you’d like to submit, leave it in the comments section of any post on this blog and I’ll consider it. Here are the rules:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Your pun MUST be ORIGINAL. Don’t be sending me something you heard somewhere or saw on the Truthernet. Well, you can, but I won’t use it.

2. Tell me what name you’d like me to use at the bottom, should I choose your pun for a future edition. Anything goes, as long as it isn’t too long to fit the space or obscene.

3. YOUR SUGGESTION WILL NOT APPEAR IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, so don’t expect to see it there. I read them, save the ones that I think might be useful, and delete the comments containing pun submissions without posting them so as not to ruin the gag for other readers. All other kinds of comments will be posted. Unless you behave badly.

4. Put your life’s savings in the “Tip Jar” in the margin of this blog. This isn’t necessary and won’t improve your chances of having your pun chosen, but free money is always appreciated.

That’s all there is to it! Have fun, Jazz Pickles.

bz panel 07-11-14bz strip 07-11-14bz panel 07-12-14bz strip 07-12-14These two cartoons are from Friday and Saturday of last week. I’ve been involved in a legal battle with the worst ex-wife I’ve ever had, so this law cartoon seemed appropriate. Contrary to what many people believe, cartoonists like myself are not rich, so lawsuits are not just a royal pain in the ass, but also an unwanted financial burden. (I can’t think of an example of a “wanted” financial burden at the moment, but give me some time.) Whatever. We all have financial burdens, I just happen to have a cartoon feature in which to exorcise my demons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my humble opinion, twerking is the stupidest thing since giant, baggy pants that you have to hold  up in order to walk. Yes, I’m becoming an old codger, but I kind of like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PREHISTARROS: Here’s a complicated Sunday cartoon of mine from the late 1900s. Since it, too, is based on a pun, I thought it seemed appropriate to feature today. I hope you have found a smile on this page somewhere.biz41htcWEB

34 Comments | Posted in animals, classic Bizarros, daily Bizarros, sunday punnies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2776, the Musical!

Hey Jazz Pickles and Groove Monkeys! Rob Kutner, a fancy-pants comedy writer for fancy-pants TV shows (like The Daily Show) is part of an interesting music project that he got me involved in.

Here is Rob’s description of it:

“2776″

The biggest comedy-music-sci-fi-history album of all time. Including:

 - 82 comedians and musicians (everyone from Ed Helms to Patton Oswalt to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Dick Cavett, Aimee Mann, Andrew WK and many more!)

-  28 tracks, satirizing everything from sports to sex to the media to zombies

 - 12 musical genres: rock, rap, jazz, bluegrass, mambo, folk, Broadway, hip hop, et al.

-  69 utterly gratuitous dirty jokes

And every penny going to support One Kid One World, an incredible charity which directs 93% of contributions to building schools, living quarters, and teacher salaries in the most needy parts of Kenya and El Salvador.

He also got a lot of variously-famous artists and illustrators to do a poster-style image for each song. Here is mine, starring the inimitable Ed Helms, a personal favorite comedian of mine. In this song, he’s trapped in a fallout shelter with a woman with whom he is in love but cannot screw up the courage to tell her.  Check out the other illustrations here and consider getting the album here. It’s for a good cause or something, so I’m told.2776posterWEB

2 Comments | Posted in Funny Fun | Tagged , , , , ,