7 Days of Silly

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Romance.

I hope you had a dandy Valentine’s Day this weekend. Olive Oyl (seen here with her grandmother) and I went to Topanga Canyon to visit some friends and take a lovely hike. Afterwards, the four of us went to a small, out-of-the-way Thai restaurant and had dinner with The Edge (guitarist for U2). And by “had dinner with,” I mean that he was at the next table with his wife and daughter and did not acknowledge our existence. But still, it was as close to having dinner with The Edge as we’ll likely ever get, so it was fun.

Let’s talk cartoons: Today’s big Sunday extravaganza tells the back story of how Mickey Mouse became the multitalented rodent icon that he is. Take heart, young, unknown performers! If a lowly mouse can do it, so can you!*

Monday: A friend of mine pointed out that there’s a commercial on TV these days with a penguin on an airplane. I’d not seen it until I viewed the link he provided and it has nothing to do with the gag here, so this information is meaningless.

Tuesday: Here’s a couple of puns about sheep and an unusual therapist/client relationship. I used to be a little ashamed of puns but I’ve decided to come out of the closet and admit that I really like certain kinds. And I’m not the only one; Alfred Hitchcock said that puns were the highest form of literature. And he was British.

Wednesday: As an artist, I have strong feelings about art. Messiness in and of itself is not art by my standards. I suspect Jackson Pollack happened to be doing what he did at a time when doing anything for the first time was applauded. If he’d done it at any other time in history (past or future) he likely (and justly) would have been ignored. In general, I think that a great deal of what the fine art world embraces is simply “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” over and over again. My blog, my opinion. Your results may vary.

Thursday: LA is a city with a lot of conspicuous wealth: fabulous houses, amazingly expensive cars, plastic surgery, etc. Especially here, but anywhere in the world these days, it is easy to feel left behind because you’re not fabulously rich and famous. When this happens to me, I remind myself that even the lower middle class in America have a higher standard of living than most people on Earth. And, even more important, that wealth and fame never made anyone happier than they would’ve been otherwise.

Friday: I thought of this gag because a random Internet troll once told me that the only reason I wear a hat most of the time is because I’m losing my hair. My response was that by that standard, people only wear gloves because they are losing their fingers.

Saturday: I needed three names for this gag so I chose three friends of mine. Chris Ryan is an author and new friend, Jeff Topper is my show-biz manager and nanny, Christy Higgins is my colorist and life coach. And she has the dreamiest eyes.

*But the odds are astronomical against it.

Alien Amusements

Bizarro 02-08-15 HdrWEB Bizarro 02-08-15 WEB(To see any of these cartoons enlargered, give them a good click in the teeth.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Spot the Imposter(s).

I was abducted by extraterrestrials not long ago and while I was being whisked away to another space/time dimension, they happened to be fooling around with my cell phone and came across a cat video which they thought was hilarious and adorable. I immediately thought this might make a good cartoon if I should ever find my way back to Earth and need to write cartoons again. Long story short, in an amazing display of ingenuity, courage, and derring-do, I managed to escape captivity and find my way back to my desk in time to draw this and submit it before deadline. Man, being a cartoonist is exciting sometimes. bz panel 02-02-15bz strip 02-02-15bz panel 02-03-15bz strip 02-03-15bz panel 02-04-15bz strip 02-04-15bz panel 02-05-15bz panel 02-06-15bz strip 02-06-15

Earlier in the week, I published the following six cartoons. A couple of them inspired readers to write to me with questions and comments that I thought you might find interesting.

The one about the guy in a warehouse operating what is commonly known as a “forklift” carrying what is commonly known as a “spoon” garnered this comment:

Being a long retired “fork lift” mechanic, your “latest”, caused me to study it for the humor. So the “fork lift” is lifting the “spoon”??? They are also referred to as “Towmotors”, “lift trucks, and Lifts. So anyway I am once again reminded of the fact that “someone” will pay people for “anything”.

I’m honestly not sure if this is hate mail or not, so here’s how I responded:  I have no idea what you’re talking about here, Chuck, but at least I learned some new names for forklifts.

The cartoon published on Feb 2 with the elderly gentleman talking to his grandson attracted this comment: While I usually like your comic, today’s cartoon was in very poor taste in light of the Anthem (insurance company) hack which will affect millions of customers, and by the way, you are rewarding the little buggers for a cowardly act, in jest I know, but people now days take EVERYTHING as a cue to do a cowardly thing…

I get this kind of complaint from time to time because many people assume that joking about a crime somehow rewards/encourages criminals. I suppose anything’s possible but I think most people commit crimes for the money, not the vicarious thrill they may get from a cartoon that refers to the same kind of crime. I should bz panel 02-07-15also mention that the writer of that comment and I had a nice e-conversation about it, made up, and are on good terms. As I mentioned above, the life of a cartoonist can be very exciting.

My lastbz strip 02-07-15 cartoon of the week before the big Sunday extravaganza was this peculiar wordplay brought to me by my good friend Cliff The King Of Wordplay. Some people call any kind of pun a “groaner” but I think puns that catch you by surprise are chuckle-worthy, so I soldier on undaunted. This one is especially funny to me because I’ve been reading a lot about hunter/gatherer societies both past and present. The more I read, the more I lament that we ever became “civilized.” Too late now, of course.

Have a zesty week, Jazz Pickles!

I Speak to a Man

Several weeks ago, I did an interview with cowboy-humorist Will Roberts. He’s a dude who has his own syndicated humor radio show called “Will Roberts Weekly Telegram” that is distributed to 39 stations in the United States and abroad.

He’s started a segment on his radio show called “ComicsKingdom.com” where he talks to cartoonists and since I am one, he talked to me.

You can listen to the interview online here. It’s a long radio show about various things and my part starts at 21 minutes.

And check out Will’s website at http://willrobertsweeklytelegram.com/

 

So Much Funny

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(Make any cartoon bigger by clicking it. Whatsamatter? Scared?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by This Kind of Music.

Those of you who read my ramblings regularly know that I’m no fan of the human race. We were terrific up until the invention and widespread use of agriculture, and then everything went to hell in a relatively short amount of time; war, disease, pollution. Yes, agriculture caused all of that.  Not much can be done about it now in the same way that you cannot put toothpaste back into a tube once you’ve given it a good hard squeeze, but it is lamentable. As things are now, the last thing the world needs is more humans, so this cartoon is about that.

It is rare that I will use a stormy sky in one of my cartoons that is not about a storm (I use them on cartoons about the Noah’s Ark myth but rarely any other time) but I thought in this case it lent a certain deserved ominousness. I hope I don’t live to see the end of the comfort we have built for ourselves here in America, but I very well might. Yikes.

bz panel 01-26-15I also did some other cartoons last week and here they are. I usually post the panel (vertical) and strip (horizontal) versions of the cartoons but today I decided if the strip version doesn’t add anything new, what’s the point of posting it?  Let me know if that  bothers you and why it would behoove me to bz strip 01-26-15bz panel 01-27-15spend the extra time to remedy that.

Regarding specific comments about these cartoons, I have nothing to say about the naked office or GPS cartoon, but would like to say I have no idea what I was thinking when I did the one about slaves rowing a ship. For some reason, I wondered what bz strip 01-27-15could be worse than being a bz panel 01-28-15slave rowing a ship in olden times, then thought of one of those overly-chatty women on airplanes that I loathe getting stuck next to and thought, yes, that would be the worst of all possible worlds. I don’t think it’s a particularly successful cartoon, but then I have published nearly 11,000 gags in my life so I’m due a clinker or two.

bz panel 01-29-15Come to think of it, there were a couple of pretty weird cartoons this week. The rat cartoon is terribly strange, but in a good way, I think. Are we supposed to assume that this woman is in a long-term relationship with a giant rat? And that her comment about drugs in college somehow explains it? I guess we are.

I’m going on record as saying I’m pretty proud bz panel 01-30-15bz panel 01-31-15of this proctologist gag. Take Your Daughter To Work Day, which is now called something like “Take Your Child To Work Day” because they suddenly realized the rather absurdly blatant sexism in the original name, has always amused me but I don’t think I’ve ever done a cartoon about it. As I thought about a place a child would definitely not want to be taken to work, this scenario immediately came to mind because I’ve never been able to understand what kind of person goes all the way through the rigors of becoming a doctor, only to choose to specialize in diseases of the asshole. Assholes are unpleasant enough when they’re healthy.

This last gag about being a jerk was brought about by the fact that Olive Oyl and I are moving in together at the end of February and I can’t help but wonder if she’s making a huge mistake. I’m sure I’m not making a mistake, but I can’t say that she’s not.  After my most recent divorce (3 years ago, after 9+ years of marriage to a woman who pretended to be happy and normal but was actually cheating on me routinely, committed a felony with an ex-boyfriend that ended up costing me around $50K, was hiding a fairly serious drug and alcohol addiction, and then I found out that pretty much everything she’d told me for the duration of our relationship was a lie and you would totally NOT! believe the stories I could tell you about the antics she got up to so I left her but she’s still dragging me through court 3 years later, wanting more and more and more money as if she deserved to be taken care of for the 9+ years we lived together and she never even had a job in spite of my begging her to find something to do with her life) I swore I’d never live with another woman. But Olive Oyl is different (yes, I know I don’t have the most credibility when it comes to this subject) and I am certain things will go well for us IF she can put up with me. I suspect I’m not that easy to live with.

Hope you enjoyed today’s rant. I’ll post again next weekend. Smooches, Jazz Pickles.

 

 


 

Sideways

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Bizarro is brought to you this week by No Laughing Here.

I’ve been spending more time lately on my fine art so this museum gag especially appealed to me. The wordplay was devised by my good friend and occasional collaborator, Cliff The King Of Worldplay. If you don’t get it, you’re likely unaware that the terms “portrait” and “landscape” refer to the orientation of the rectangle: taller than wide is portrait, wider than tall is landscape. I could also have made this a picture of a painter and called it “Landscape of a Portrait Artist.” But I didn’t.

By the way, I am accepting commissions in the fine art field at the moment, so if you have some discretionary funds and would like an original painting or drawing from the likes me of, let me know. Soon I will be adding a link to this site with some of my fine art, so you can see the fairly large difference between it and my cartoon style.

On to last week’s cartoons…

Monday: As anyone who knows anything about the rest of the animal kingdom knows, our fellow primates find our rushing around to “accomplish” things hilarious. As do many of us, even though we can’t stop.

Tuesday: This is almost a private joke for myself in that I have lived in California for three years and am still struck by the ubiquitousness of yoga studios here. But that’s a good thing; yoga is good for people both mentally and physically, and can even benefit one spiritually if it is taken in that direction. As for me, I met my beloved Olive Oyl in a yoga class and got my horse-monkey-dog, Jemima from a lady in my yoga class who’d rescued her from the streets of her ‘hood.

Wednesday: Here’s another gag some folks might have to do some research to understand. Google “Claes Oldenburg” and you’ll see that he is an artist famous for constructing enormous versions of everyday objects.

Thursday: I have no explanation for how or why this Abraham Lincoln gag occurred to me. But once it did it made me chuckle so I drew it for you. No, it has no hidden meaning. He’s just comforting a little girl who presumably has a beard.

Friday: I thought of the idea of a passive-aggressive terrorist and wondered what that might look like. So this is what I came up with. Maybe you’re not required to separate your recycling in your area, but surely you are familiar with the concept.

Saturday: Well, the week just kept getting weirder for me. Don’t ask me why a guy who looks like an old-world shepherd but is really a “shepheard” is at a fancy cocktail party because I haven’t a clue. Sometimes strange things amuse me.