Thoughtful Companions

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Piraro

bz panel 05-06-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Powers.

I recently saw a short video of a so-called “pet pychic” visiting an animal sanctuary, and it inspired this cartoon. As Penn and Teller have been telling us for decades, there is no such thing as magic. The human mind is constructed in such a way that it can be made to believe almost anything with a little misdirection. Psychics of all kinds have played on this trait since human societies first formed, as have con men, magicians, evangelists, mediums, astrologers, wizards, etc.

You’re welcome to buy into these kinds of fantasies if you like––most of us enjoy believing in magic*––but I’ve found that the real universe is plenty fascinating enough and full of and endless supply of incomprehensible wonder to keep my brain inspired. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy magic acts; I do. I’m not keen, however, on people who charge others to tell them what their pets are thinking. It’s fraud and it’s not even clever. How could you possibly be proven wrong?

I, on the other hand, actually do have a supernatural skill, and that is reading the thoughts of your furniture. If you’re interested in your furniture’s opinion about your lounging habits, or where it would rather be in a room, I can tell you all you need to know from a simple photo of your home. It’s pricey, but your furniture deserves your attention. For an appointment, call 1-800-IWillBelieveJustAboutAnything.

*Zodiac, miracles, psychic abilities, visions, premonitions, religion, prophetic dreams, fate, etc.

25 Comments | Posted in animals, daily Bizarros, psychology, religion | Tagged , ,

Chordate Chords

Posted on May 5, 2013 by Piraro

Bizarro 05-05-13 WEB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(To see these beasts closer to life-size, click the Hippo’s belt buckle.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Rockin’ Non-Humans.

Until relatively recently, scientists believed that large mammals only participated in jazz and classical music. Then, in June of 2006, explorers from National Geographic happened across a heavy metal band in the African Congo. They weren’t particularly good, but then you don’t have to be to play heavy metal. Perhaps the strangest element of this band was not that they were breaking all previously held scientific beliefs about non-human mammal musicianship, but that the drummer was able to consistently show up on time to rehearsals and gigs, in spite of the fact that he had no visible means of traveling on land. This is doubly surprising because it is something that human drummers can rarely accomplish.

This fun little ditty was the brainchild of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I loved the idea primarily because it would be so much fun to draw, and I wasn’t disappointed. I must admit that this was a blast to envision and create. I used to be the lead singer for a band “back in the day,” so I drew upon lots of memories of those times. Although, my band was New Wave, so we didn’t wear the same kinds of costumes these gents are sporting nor did we make gratuitous references to death or the devil.

Here’s what the talented Wayno of Pittsburgh has to say about this collaboration and the upcoming adventures of his own band.

24 Comments | Posted in animals, daily Bizarros, wayno | Tagged , , , , , , ,

Screaming for Sex

Posted on May 4, 2013 by Piraro

bz panel 05-04-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Hot Babe in Hot Pants.

I’m one of those people who hates nightclubs. If I’m going to spend time in a bar, it has to be a reasonably quiet, neighborhood bar where I can have a conversation with a friend over a drink. As long as I live, I’ll never understand the attraction of a crowded room with music blasting so loudly that one has to shout to be heard.

These places are immensely popular and their primary purpose for the patrons seems to be to arrange sexual encounters. I have personally never had any luck in getting a woman to want to have sex with me while I’m shouting at her. I remain utterly mystified by this process.

8 Comments | Posted in daily Bizarros, history | Tagged , ,