Two Pairs

bz panel 05-20-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Two Heads.

My favorite part of this gag is the bottom caption, “Not A Typo.” My buddy, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay, wrote this gag but as I was adding the balloon lettering I realized it looked exactly like a common typo. So I added the bottom and the joke came together for me in a new way. It’s mild, but I like it.

One huge error in this is that the twins only have two arms showing and actual conjoined twins would each have a pair of arms (that’s four total arms, for the mathematically challenged). But that would have complicated the image and might not have come across the way I wanted so I left them with just two. Sorry guys.

Party Pummeling

Bizarro 05-19-13 WEB(For an expanded state of consciousness [and a bigger view of this comic] click on the Piñata’s chakra.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Nothing.

Modern American parents often worry about more than parents did “back in the day.” Some wonder if this popular birthday party game is teaching our kids that if you beat an animal to death with a stick, you will be rewarded with candy. On the contrary, I believe this game is a valuable tool for rooting out potential sociopaths. If your child takes that lesson from a piñata game and begins beating live animals in search of candy, you likely have a future serial killer on your hands. Or at least a slaughterhouse worker.

For normal children, this game teaches nothing more than not to stand too closely to a blindfolded person swinging a club. A valuable lesson, indeed.

Just for grins, here is a previous piñata cartoon I did a few years back.

bz Pinata farm 10-25-09

Big Feet, Big…

bz panel 05-18-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Big Camel Toe.

I’m a big fan of Bigfoot cartoons. I am not a believer, as you may have guessed, but I have a friend who is an ardent member of the congregation. Whatever fills your taco shell, right?

The idea for this cartoon came from my good buddy, part-time amateur counselor, and The King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. Few people love to parse the English language more than this dude. Cliff missed his calling (and didn’t have voicemail) so he became a pediatrician, thinking that was a foot doctor. (This confusion led to his interest in language.) After a few decades of treating sick children (with special attention to their feet) he retired and is now writing clever books for kids (which incorporate some very clever language stuff) though he is yet to be published in that arena. I’ve read them and they’re boffo! I predict big things for you, Cliff! Best of  luck and get back to your keyboard!

Beasts of Beauty

bz panel 05-17-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Do-it-Yourself Dentures.

I used to live with a couple of different women, at different times, and both of them spent a fortune on youth and beauty creams. They were both naturally youthful and beautiful and weren’t the type to wear tons of makeup or fuss over their hair, but their fear of getting old led them to fall prey to the beauty cream racket. It is, by the way, astounding how much that stuff costs. (I don’t like looking older, either, by the way, but I don’t do anything to prevent it other than dye my hair, tape my eyelids up, wear a toupee and a girdle, and shove white Chiclets into the spaces where I’ve lost teeth.)

So with that background, this cartoon occurred to me. I did a different type of cartoon using the same basic premise about our obsession with looking younger. You can see it by clicking these blue words. (For color blind readers, click the red words.)

What a Fakir

bz panel 05-16-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Unexplained Force Field.

I got a number of questions from readers about this cartoon so this seems a perfect time to clear them up.

Question: What the hell does this mean?

Answer: Some guys in the Middle East and South Asia are famous for lying on beds of nails. I’m not sure why, maybe it takes their minds off how miserable their lives are otherwise. Meanwhile, in other parts of the world, there is a product called a “memory foam mattress,” which is made of this new kind of foam stuff that indents with your body, giving you a perfect night’s sleep. I have one of these things and I really love it. (A memory foam mattress, not a bed of nails.) So this cartoon is a combination of those two very different things with the intention of amusing people.

Question: Why are those guys each wearing a diaper on their butt and head?

Answer: They are not diapers and it is racist (or something equally bad) for you to even say that. I won’t dignify this question with an answer.

Question: Did the guy who carved Mount Rushmore out of granite eat too much of the mountain?

Answer: No, but this guy did.