Scary Cotton

bz panel 09-03-13ghostbz strip 09-03-13ghostsBizarro is brought to you today by Ghosts In Training.

I don’t believe in ghosts or anything supernatural, but if after I die I discover that I do have the ability to haunt people, I’m definitely going to wear a bed sheet with eye holes cut out of it. The look on people’s faces when confronted with a howling bed sheet in the middle of the night would be priceless. Horror? Confusion? Amusement? A strobe of all three would be best, as far as I’m concerned.

Sadly, this won’t happen, though. Apart from there just being no reason or logic behind anything ghostly, Harry Houdini promised he’d come back as a spirit if there was any way possible and he never did. If Houdini couldn’t do it, no one can. Yes, I’m disappointed, too. I was going to have a contest on my blog to determine which of my Jazz Pickles would one day be hosting me in their bed chamber.





PAZZ JICKLES (past giggles): Did I need the parenthetical clarification on that title? Probably not, so next time I’ll omit it. Today’s chuckle from 2007 is something of a puzzle which asks you to identify the ghosts I’ve drawn. Here’s a listing to rank yourself:

1 Correct: So what?

2-3 Correct: You’re smarter than the average bed sheet.

4-15 Correct: You are such a liar.

(To view the image larger, click on the American flag!)

bizarro 08-19-07 ghosts

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bz panel 09-02-13bz strip 09-02-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Hot Chicks.

This gag by my buddy and collaborator, Andy Cowan, seems appropriate in light of the recent scandals regarding Manning and Snowden. Up until a few years ago I followed politics pretty closely and got just as aggravated as everyone else. In self defense, I abandoned following politics any more than I have to because it was ruining my peace. I now am only aware of major headlines that stick around for months; the sort of stuff I cannot avoid hearing about in social conversations. So while I’m anything but an expert on current politics, I’m not a fan of the U.S. government’s invasion of its own citizen’s privacy in the name of “security”. In my view, the world is a dangerous place and there is no such thing as complete security. In a free society, we take our chances. Every time I have to take my shoes off to board a plane or put my belongings in a clear plastic bag of a predetermined size (NFL stadiums are now requiring this of fans at games, too) I say to myself, the terrorists have won: they’ve taken our freedom. 

Before the criticism of my stance begins in the comments section, let me reiterate that I don’t know what I’m talking about regarding these specific cases. This is a philosophical opinion about the general way that the U.S. government has handled modern terror threats. Seems to me that Americans are in more danger from crazy American nutjobs like Timothy McVeigh than from super-scary foreigners. That’s the price of life on a planet run by primates with mutant brains: human beings.

PALEOZARRO: bz 01-02-96 HolidaysThis prehistoric Bizarro cartoon is from 1996 and displays a different side of the same issue: how humans can rarely agree on what’s right and wrong. It’s a good and bad thing, a double-edged sword, a dog with teeth at both ends, a chocolate desert with Ex-Lax in it.

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Fighting Words

Bizarro 09-01-13 WEB










(To achieve a greater sense of bigness, click the ghost at the top of the slide.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Well-Groomed Trees.

When I was a child, we fought over whose dad was tougher. The biggest problem with that schoolyard activity is that unless your dad is the town drunk or an unmitigated jackass, it’s pretty hard to get him to show up to fight another kid’s dad to prove it.

These days, technology has brought snotty kids the technical ability to prove his dad’s superiority with hard numbers.  In the future, kids will argue over whose dad has more terabytes implanted in the base of his skull. It’s a wonderful future, folks. Stay tuned!

Below is the title panel that I used for this cartoon in the papers that use title panels for my feature. Family Circus (often referred to as “Family Circle,” which is a women’s magazine) is likely the single-most parodied cartoon of all time. It’s just too fun to lampoon wholesomeness to resist, I guess. I’ve done a few over the years myself. Bizarro 09-01-05 HdrWEB




The cool thing about it is that the late Bil Keane, creator of Family Circus, was a big fan of Family Circus satires and often asked for the original art for his collection. When I published the cartoon below in 1995, he called me the next morning to do just that and I traded him one of his original Sunday panels for this one. It was a fun day.


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