Lincoln and Logs

Bz panel 07-11-13 Lbz strip 07-11-13 LBizarro is brought to you today by MaxiQtips.

All I have to say is that this wooden dummy has a lot of nerve talking to a champion log-splitter like this.

A week later, the ventriloquist leaves the hospital with a stump where his right hand used to be.











Today’s classic Bizarro is another take on Lincoln, our nation’s greatest presidential inspiration for big-budget Hollywood films. (more…)


bz panel 07-10-13bz strip 07-10-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Our Lady of the Melons.

Here’s a bit of super-secret backstage gossip about this cartoon: I have some friends named John and Fiona and he’s a lawyer. I didn’t say the super-secret backstage gossip would be interesting.

Anyway, this is my covert way of finding out if my friends read my comics. If neither John nor Fiona say anything about this in the next few days, they’re off my Festivus list for good. (more…)

A Little Head

bz panel 07-09-13bz strip 07-09-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Head Swap.

My SpecialLadyFriend, Klamelda, thinks I’m crazy for drinking beer at room temperature. I only do this on chilly days; on hot days I drink it cold. Of course, she’s never been to Europe so she doesn’t know how common this practice is. In fact––great idea–– let’s nobody tell her. I’ll plan a trip to England for us and the first time she orders a pint and takes a sip, I’ll shout, “WHO’S CRAZY NOW?! WHO’S CRAZY NOW?!”  Can’t wait to see the look on her face. (more…)


bz panel 07-08-13bz strip 07-08-13Bizarro is inflicted on you today by Magical Foods.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I love psychotherapy. I don’t love the expense so I can’t go every week; I simply visit one for a few weeks or months when I’m having a specific problem in my life. Like the time a few years ago when I couldn’t decide between growing a ridiculous mustache or getting giant breast implants. A shrink helped me make the right decision. (more…)

Worst Picnic EVER

Bizarro 07-07-13 WEB(For an embiggened view of this cartoon, click on the ant’s acidopore.)

Bizarro is brang to you today by I Only See Two.

Here’s a dandy collaboration between my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. To understand this gag, you must be familiar with 1950s sci-fi movies about the effects of radiation. One of them was called “Them” and it was terrifying if you’re afraid of large, mechanical ants. (more…)