Creative Lip Reading

bz panel 07-25-13bz strip 07-25-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Religious Dummy.

I do love me some ventriloquist gags. I saw a creepy movie called “Magic,” starring Anthony Hopkins, back in 1978 and loved it. I was a kid then and have not seen it since, so I’ve no idea if it was actually any good. Still, I’ve been sort of fascinated by the surreal possibilities of ventriloquism dummies ever since.  This gag also has “alternative lifestyle” undertones, so to me that makes it even more amusing. bz panel 11-30-06 ventriloquist (more…)

Salty Sex

bz panel 07-24-13bz strip 07-24-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Life Mermaid.

Anyone remember the film, “Splash”? It came out in the late 1900s and starred Tom Hanks as a New York guy and Daryl Hannah as a mermaid who’s walking around temporarily on legs for some reason, and they fall in love. Daryl was sexy as can be in that movie and everyone fell in love with her. Tom was probably really sexy, too, but I don’t recall. (more…)

Heavenly Desires

bz panel 07-23-13bz strip 07-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Afterlife Fantasies.

I don’t believe in an afterlife, but if I did, it would be wonderful to be availed of any kind of sensory pleasure you could dream of without consequences or guilt. Among my personal (and very long) list would be warm, glazed donuts at your fingertips with no concern for gained weight,  sex with your favorite movie stars, beef fajitas without the torture and slaughter of a fellow being, crazy-fun drug trips without risk of arrest or damage to your health, riding a motorcycle at 100 miles an hour without threat of injury or death. (more…)

Tote Till It Hurts

bz panel 07-22-13bz strip 07-22-13 Bizarro is brought to you today by Tan-n-Go.   

I confess I haven’t watched much PBS for a while so I don’t know if they still do pledge week. Back in the day, that was always my favorite time of year. I would skip the programming in between pledge breaks and just watch the local volunteers stand in front of a bank of people on phones, improvising non-stop for god-knows-how-long until they reached their goal for that break. They would start by telling you how much they were enjoying whatever program they’d been showing (The entire I Claudius series?) then tell you how lucky you were to have this kind of programming commercial free, then tell you about the gifts you could get if you donated money starting with a box set of something-or-other (Billy Joel’s complete recording catalog?) and working their way down to the godawful tote bag you could get for being a cheapskate. That usually ate up about two minutes, then they’d start over in different words saying the same thing over and over for the next 13 minutes of the break. A great drinking game was to down a shot of Tequila every time they mentioned Sesame Street. You’d be passed out drunk inside of ten minutes. My god, it was painful watching them vamp and beg but I couldn’t look away. Sort of like watching Ali G grilling a politician.  Their misery was my guilty pleasure. I often called in and pledged money, mostly because I just felt so sorry for the volunteers in the studio. Maybe that was the point. (more…)

Fly By Drawing

Here’s something interesting and strange that has never happened to me before. I got a comment this morning from Alex Wild, a photographer who does a lot of super-close-up images of insects. Apparently, and unbeknownst to me, he took the photo of the fly that I used to create the fly drawing in my title panel (the green thing in this post.) He objected to my using this image without permission and I fully understand his concern, however, I don’t think mine is close enough to his to warrant concern. Yes, I used his image as reference to create my fly sketch, but I think mine is loose enough to be considered a translation rather than a copy. He feels otherwise, and that’s understandable. (more…)