Poisonous Beauty

bz panel 06-06-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Hideous Disfigurements.

I love this gag but I figured I’d get questions about it. The simple answer is that Botox is supposed to eliminate crow’s feet. (In Canada, they are better known as “crow’s centimeters.”)

I have a couple of crows that live in my backyard, Joe and Flo. They live there with Earl the squirrel, Darrow the sparrow, Robin the robin, Dale and Gail the snails, Jake the snake, and Schneider the spider. Joe and Flo are my friends, so I warned them about Botox since we live near Hollywood and the local trash bins are overflowing with old containers of the stuff.bz strip 06-06-13

 

Identity Thieves

bz panel 06-05-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Couples Who Look Alike.

They say that if a couple is together long enough, they begin to look like each other. The couple in this cartoon has taken that to another level.

The truth is that because of a biological phenomenon called “imprinting” (which occurs in most species) we tend to be attracted to people whose faces resemble those we imprinted on when we were infants. That is most often a family member, so we grow up unknowingly being attracted to people with similar coloring and facial organization as ourselves. When people get old, they lose their sexuality to some degree and men and women look more androgynous, at which point, elderly couples can often look like siblings. Now, before people start writing in saying, “Not true. My husband is a 300-pound black man and I am a 79-pound, blonde eskimo,” I’m not talking about every single couple. It’s just a rule of thumb and once you learn it, you’ll begin seeing it in the couples around you, young and old. Maybe even in your own relationships.

My SpecialLadyFriend, Klamelda, and I are textbook examples. I didn’t notice it at first but now that I see us in pictures together, there is a definite resemblance. Example here.

bz strip 06-07-13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slap Stick

bz panel 06-04-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Devil’s Food.

Coffee is a pretty old drink, I think, but I often wonder how humans got started in the morning before it was invented. Did they chew plants with a natural stimulative? Did they jump into a cold river first thing to have a pee and wake the hell up? Or did they wake up with such fear of being eaten or starving to death that they were immediately awake? Your theories are welcome. Perhaps there’s a cartoon idea in there somewhere.

This gag is a collaboration with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. Check out what he has to say about it on his entertaining blogapalooza.

And here, my e-friends, is the strip version.bz strip 06-04-13

Don’t Speak

bz panel 06-03-13Bizarro is brought to you today by What I’ve Been Saying For Years.

I’ve never been on trial but I’m sure it sucks. Worse yet, would be when trusted companions testify against you. All those years you thought that person was your confidant and loyal friend till the end, then suddenly, they’re telling your secrets to a public court. That would really suck.

Come to think of it, that pretty much describes divorce, even though these days you don’t usually go to trial. Divorce sucks, too, but it’s my own fault for buying into the Hollywood and biblical ideas of marriage. You reap what you sow.

IMPORTANT: This is just an observation, not a cry for help or a confession of suicidal thoughts. I’m not depressed or bitter, so no reason to worry about me. Just trying to fill up a blog post. :o)bz strip 06-03-13

Finally, a few Jazz Pickles have asked that I start posting the strip versions of my cartoons as well, so now I will be doing that. This particular one isn’t very interesting but some are.

Sunday Punnies #30

Bizarro 06-02-13 WEB(For larger fun in a bigger size, click Kirk’s shirt logo.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by How Do I Shut This Thing Off?!

As you can see, this is the 30th installment of Bizarro’s Sunday Punnies, the cartoons which come from puns donated by readers. This week, we congratulate Anne Livingstone of Canada, Don Shook of somewhere, and Peter DM, who is from god-knows-where.

IF YOU’D LIKE TO SUBMIT A PUN FOR A FUTURE EDITION OF SUNDAY PUNNIES, FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE RULES:

1. Leave your pun in the comments section of this (or any) post. YOU WILL NOT SEE YOUR PUN SUGGESTION APPEAR IN THE COMMENTS SECTION because I don’t want to ruin the fun for readers if I should choose it.

2. Tell me how you’d like to be credited. Anything goes, other than “obscenities,” a concept I don’t believe in but most people do and I like to keep this blog safe for kids.

3. Send me $5000. *

That’s all there is to it, Jazz Pickles. Put on your thinking caps and get crackin’!

*Optional. Not guaranteed to assure the use of your pun. Not tax deductible. In fact, just to keep it simple for you, don’t even report your donation to the IRS.