Hallmark Holiday

Bizarro 06-16-13 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Father of the Year.

Happy Father’s Day, Jazz Pickles. For years I’ve been putting a “Happy Father’s Day, Dad” message along the border of my Father’s Day cartoons but I forgot this year. But it wasn’t because I forgot my pop, it was because in past years I was using a paper calendar to see what date the cartoon I was submitting would appear in papers (my Sunday cartoons are drawn and submitted four to six weeks ahead of the print date) but this year I am using a calendar on my computer which doesn’t have holidays on it. I missed the margin note in my Mother’s Day cartoon for the same reason. Sorry Dad! (And Mom, a few weeks back.)

I am lucky enough to have a terrific dad. He was coach of my and my sister’s sports teams in elementary school, took an active interest in our homework and school scores, took us on elaborate car vacations. Even now, he’s one of my best friends. I say “lucky” because we don’t choose our parents, they choose us (in a way) and many people don’t have much luck in that area. Thanks, Dad.

Even though I didn’t know this cartoon was going to appear on Father’s Day when I drew it, it is a likely choice since it deals with fishing––something a lot of men like to do. I suspect it is as much about getting some peace and quiet away from the spouse and kids as it is about the fun of killing small, less-intelligent animals.

This cartoon is a collaboration with my good buddy and cartoonist colleague, Dan McConnell, himself the father of countless children all over the world. Most of whom he has never met.

I’m off to brunch with Klamelda now, since that’s what men of my age do on Father’s Day. Happy happy joy joy, Jazz Pickles!

 

Till Attrition Does Us Part

bz panel 06-15-13bz strip 06-15-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Wedding Cake Nightmares.

I would not be surprised if a wedding cake topper like this is actually being marketed somewhere. In researching wedding cake images for this cartoon, I found tons of non-traditional ones. Some are disgustingly cute, others are alarmingly odd. Some are pornographic, while this one is rather admirably surreal. What this one is about, I’m afraid to ask.

Even more entertaining are the divorce cake toppers. Yes, there are plenty to choose from. Most seem to have the same disturbing theme, however. Having been through two divorces, I can understand the sentiment but this one takes it a bit too far, I think. The police may want to dig up this divorcee’s back yard.

 

Whatever your taste in toppers, you can’t beat a cake that is so stupendous on its own that it needs no topper. You may now eat the bride.

Send in the Clowns

bz panel 06-14-13Bizarro is brought to you by Black Comedy.

In my 185-year career, I have sometimes been criticized for doing funeral gags. Comments like these are usually from readers who had recently lost someone close. I sympathize with them but always remind them that being able to laugh at tragedy is a singularly human trait and one that we use very effectively to temporarily relieve pain and fear. It’s not just a relief to laugh in dark times, it is essential to our sanity.

bz strip 06-14-13I didn’t have any of this in mind when I drew this gag, I just thought it was funny. I wonder if anyone has ever done this at a clown’s funeral? If I were a clown, I’d insist on it in my will. Even though I’m not a clown (and am terrified of them), I may put this in there anyway. Life is worth little if you don’t laugh often.

Father’s Day-a-palooza

Hey, Jazz Pickles,

Since Father’s Day is this weekend and you’ve forgotten or put off getting pop a present, here’s a terrific idea that has THREE definite benefits over most other gifts:

1. It’s cheap and he won’t know it.

2. You can get it to him by Father’s Day without ever leaving your chair.

3. You will make me happy.

The gift is a year’s subscription to Daily Ink, which is an online service that sends you any number of the cartoons carried by King Features in your email each and every day. You can choose which of their mofozillians of cartoons you want sent, edit your list anytime you like, and you’ll have access to the archives of all of their features. It’s around $20 a year and that’s dirt cheap. Just try to get quality dirt delivered to your house every day for a year for less than 20 bucks. Good luck!

It happens here, JPs. Click it now and thank me later!Dan and Dad 1976 WEB

Light Starch Man

bz panel 06-13-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Private Lives of Super Heroes.

Because I’m a bachelor with a small amount of disposable income, I hire a housekeeper to come in every couple weeks and scrape the slime off of various surfaces in my house. She’s invaluable to me; without her I might as well be living in a fraternity house with all of the chaos and horror that that implies.

bz strip 06-13-13Unfortunately, however, I cannot get her to wear an Iron Man costume while she works. I figured I’d have trouble convincing her to wear the skimpy French maid outfit, but Iron Man? Come on. Who doesn’t love Iron Man?

If you enjoyed this cartoon, you may enjoy an entire book of my super hero satires. It’s called “Bizarro Heroes” and you can get it lots of places, including here.