Art & Self Defense

Bizarro 08-25-13 WEB

 

 

 

(For enlargering, click the Martian’s pjhxrn.)

This Bizarro cartoon is brought to you by Knowledge.

Today’s cartoon stars my lovely and badass SpecialLadyFriend, Klamelda. I chose her for this role not because she is beautiful, smart, and funny, but because she’s also a 3rd degree black belt in Karate. For reals, pickles. I think she’s also the top-ranked active female in the state of California in her style of Karate, the name of which I can never remember. Sounds like a sushi dish. (It’s a type that does not break planks of wood or piles of bricks, by the way.) She actually wears black Karate pajamas (don’t know how to spell the name of those outfits, sounds like “gee” with a hard “g”) which you can only do if you’re a black belt. But I used white jammies for this image so that readers would immediately recognize it as a martial arts outfit. Sometimes cartoonists have to rely on stereotypes to keep the reader from stumbling on their way to the punch line. I made the place purple to make up for putting her in white pajamas because that’s her favorite color. (more…)

Baa Zzz

bz panel 08-24-13bz strip 08-24-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Stoners.

Has science ever seriously looked into the mysterious sleep-inducing powers of sheep? If all domesticated animals had this power, it would be one thing, but it’s only sheep. I’ve counted goats, cattle, chickens, horses, pigs, but nothing else works. I wondered if it might be something in the wool so I’ve counted sweaters a few times but nothing. It’s funny that sleep study clinics always have herds of sheep around to help put their human subjects to sleep but nobody has thought to study the sheep to find out how they work. I’m not a scientist but it sure seems like a no-brainer to me. (more…)

Gimme Gimme

bz panel 08-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Nirvana.

I love this gag but I am aware that many readers may have only a vague idea of what it means. “Mindfulness” is a method of meditating and living in which the person is acutely aware of where they are and what they are doing at each and every moment. It tends to keep one very calm, philosophical, and in the end, happy. No worries about the past or future, just a realization that now is all that really exists. Given that, this cartoon is hilarious in my humble opinion. bz strip 08-23-13 (more…)

Dozing Dummy

bz panel 08-22-13bz strip 08-22-13Bizarro is brought to you today by the Dangers of Reproduction.

Today’s gag is a collaboration with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. Both Wayno and I have long been big fans of ventriloquist gags; there’s just something too delicious about having one’s hand up the backside of a look-alike puppet to ignore. (more…)

Past Performance

bz panel 08-21-13bz strip 08-21-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Delicious Death.

“Death of a Salesman” is a pretty darned good play by a guy named Arthur Miller, who married Marylin Monroe in spite of being a goofy-looking nerd. (Miller, not Monroe.) I like this kind of story because I am a goofy-looking nerd and I like beautiful women. By many reports, however, he was pretty mean to Marylin and drove her a good deal deeper into depression, a problem she already had when she came to the relationship. If that is true, that wasn’t nice. I’ve been accused of doing this to a couple of women, too (though none of them committed suicide) but I hope it isn’t true. I’ve never intentionally been mean to anyone whom I didn’t think richly deserved it as a result of their own behavior toward me. Normally, I try to be a considerate, nice guy, but when I’m pushed past my limit, I admit that I can be an unmitigated asshat and a formidable foe. Sort of a primordial defense mechanism that kicks in. (more…)