Dozing Dummy

bz panel 08-22-13bz strip 08-22-13Bizarro is brought to you today by the Dangers of Reproduction.

Today’s gag is a collaboration with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. Both Wayno and I have long been big fans of ventriloquist gags; there’s just something too delicious about having one’s hand up the backside of a look-alike puppet to ignore. (more…)

Past Performance

bz panel 08-21-13bz strip 08-21-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Delicious Death.

“Death of a Salesman” is a pretty darned good play by a guy named Arthur Miller, who married Marylin Monroe in spite of being a goofy-looking nerd. (Miller, not Monroe.) I like this kind of story because I am a goofy-looking nerd and I like beautiful women. By many reports, however, he was pretty mean to Marylin and drove her a good deal deeper into depression, a problem she already had when she came to the relationship. If that is true, that wasn’t nice. I’ve been accused of doing this to a couple of women, too (though none of them committed suicide) but I hope it isn’t true. I’ve never intentionally been mean to anyone whom I didn’t think richly deserved it as a result of their own behavior toward me. Normally, I try to be a considerate, nice guy, but when I’m pushed past my limit, I admit that I can be an unmitigated asshat and a formidable foe. Sort of a primordial defense mechanism that kicks in. (more…)

Siesta

bz panel 08-20-13bz strip 08-20-13Bizarro is made possible today by Dream Machines.

I’ve been remiss in my blog-posting duties this week and am now two full days behind. I have brought shame to my entire village. Tonight I will be dragged out into the town square and covered with chocolate. Then they release the fat ladies. If I do not survive, please tell Klamelda that I love her. (more…)

Fortuitous

bz panel 08-19-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Multi-personality Mustache.

bz strip 08-19-13As people who follow science news know, bees are on the decline at an alarming rate (because of us–SURPRISE!) and if we don’t figure out how to reverse it, it will be cataclysmic for the entire planet. I know that sounds drastic, but think about it. The most common way plants spread their goodness is through the whole pollination/bee thing. No bees, no plants. No plants, nothing to eat (or to feed the critters that you eat if you’re a meat eater.) It’s a bummer but I did my part last week to alleviate the problem. I went outside early one morning and saw a live bee caught in a spider’s web. I’ve no idea why it hadn’t been eaten yet and the spider was nowhere to be found. Probably popped out for a latte. So I (carefully!) extracted the bee and used tweezers to pull the (INSANELY) sticky web off of him. Then I placed him in a flower pot outside. He disappeared later so either he recovered and flew away to save the world or another critter ate him. I’m hoping for the best. (more…)

Bizarro 08-18-13 WEB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(To see this cartoon all bigger and beautifuller, click the horse’s ass.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Malibu Cowboy.

This is a simple gag but it still makes me smile. I’ve been obsessed all my life with cowboys and the Old West. I don’t collect rifles or spurs or anything, I just love drawing cowboys, watching old cowboy movies (or new ones if they’re done well), and reading a bit about the history of it. I’d kill to be in a western movie or TV series where I get to dress up like a cowboy, ride a horse, say cowboy stuff like, “I reckon.” Man, that would be heaven. I’d be good at it, too. Having been raised in Oklahoma, I can do several completely believable cowboy accents. (more…)