Shaggy Dogg Storry

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bz panel 11-25-13bz strip 11-25-13bz panel 11-26-13bz strip 11-26-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Luchador.

Welcome to Twofer Tuesday. The “two” in twofer stands for two cartoons, as you have most certainly figured out if your brain function is anywhere close to normal.

The reason I often post two cartoons on Tuesday is because I was too busy on Monday to post. The reason I’m often too busy on Monday to post is that that is the day that I am supposed to send in a new week’s worth of cartoons to King Features but I’ve rarely got them done and don’t feel I can waste any time posting. The reason I’ve rarely got them done is because on weekends I am either too busy or too lazy to get much work done. (On a really good weekend, it is both.) The reason I say “lazy” is because I love few things more than lounging around on Sundays watching football with my goddam dog, Jemima, who sleeps on my lap. The reason she’s a “goddam” dog is because when I leave her home alone for too long (more than 90 seconds) she finds something of mine to drag out to the backyard and chew on. To date, she has destroyed two pairs of my shoes, a pair of motorcycle glasses, numerous socks (I assume they’ve been destroyed because they’ve been missing for a long time) a pair of pants, a glove, a stocking cap (Canadians: what you amusingly call a “tuke” or “toque”) a TV remote, over 850 pounds of trash and recycling (her favorite treat when I forget to put the recycling bin out of reach) a bunch of bananas, and the wooden gate separating my yard from the neighbor’s. (more…)

Thought Food

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(For a largerized view, click the 46th turkey from the left.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Discriminatory Food.

I’m fairly well known for being a vegan buzzkill on Thanksgiving but I can’t help it. I’ve long thought the arrogance of we humans believing that everything is here for us to use as haphazardly as our whims dictate, is embarrassing to our species. Biologically, humans don’t “need” to eat meat (unless we are starving in a place without plants, like the Arctic) we eat it because it tastes good. On top of that, our bodies aren’t constructed to process meat very well, which is why it gives us heart attacks, strokes, obesity, etc. You don’t see “true” meat eaters in the wild with these problems. So when you weigh tastes good against the suffering and misery of creatures that are more like us than not, it seems to me a glaring inequity. (more…)

Green Love

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bz panel 11-23-13bz strip 11-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Is That A Good Thing?

A very quirky friend of mine who always has a few new oddball puns for me when we get together suggested this scenario. I thought it would make a good picture so I drew it up. Thanks, Edwin! My one fear, however, is that this cartoon would be a little difficult to decipher in the tiny, black-and-white format that most newspapers use. It’ll be interesting to see how many questions I get about it. (more…)

Running For Souls

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bz panel 11-22-13bz strip 11-22-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Identity Theft.

There are few things with the enduring humor of someone other than the Pope dressed like the Pope. It’s a simple equation, really: only one person is the world has the “right” to dress in this outfit and that person has claimed supremacy over all other living beings on the planet as the infallible, divine representative of GOD on earth. So to dress as the Pope not only works on the level that outdated, historical costumes work, but also in making a comment about the person’s arrogance or irreverence, or both. I know it is cliche and the shock value of it wore of ages ago, but I still get a kick out of it. Plus, miters (those phalic Pope hats) are fun to draw. On a side note, I am disappointed in myself (especially as a recovering Catholic) that I forgot to draw the streamers on the back of the hat. Here’s what they should have looked like, only blowing in the wind. (more…)